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Subject: Disembodied Soul?!
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Somewhere along the lines of "not a tangible being".

  • 03.23.2007 7:38 PM PDT
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Posted by: SketchFactor
Thursday, February 13th, 2003, 7:52 PM

It's one of those old bits of Bungie history that people don't talk about anymore. Back in 1994, Bungie was developing a game called Marathon, which was the talk of Mac gamers around the globe. Someone leaked a copy of an early beta to the internet and inspired Bungie's first act of horrific vigilante justice (the first we'd admit to, anyway). The vile beta-leaker mysteriously disappeared; some time later, a presence too stupid to be anyone else appeared on Bungie's web site. Now known only as the Disembodied Soul, his existence is an unending hell of questions both salient and inane. If you visit the Bungie support site, the Soul is there to provide emotional as well as technical support. Some scorn his capabilities, but we think that's part of his charm. No matter how bad your life is, you're always doing better than the Soul.

I thought it might be nice for everyone but the Soul if I asked him to take a break from answering questions so he could answer some questions. As expected, he was less than eager - which made it slightly more fun for me (and, I hope, for you).

Hi, Soul. Whatcha doing?

I'm playing with my monkey.

I'm here to interview you for the site.

Try re-phrasing that.

It's Luv Week on b.net and we thought it would be nice to interview you, on account of we love you so much.

It's not love, it's infatuation.

Oh, I don't know about that. If you'll recall, you done us wrong in a past life.

That's not really my specialty.

So how does a disembodied soul find love?

Love is a mask for your true feelings.

Do you long for the touch of a loved one, Soul?

Yeah. What about it?

I want to know what that's like for you. Aren't there any other souls trapped in the machinery you can commiserate with?

I'm a rules-based perl script. This whole soul thing is just a big scam.

Don't try that self-pity crap on me. I helped hold your former self down while we strapped you into the soul-extraction machine.

I'm not as familiar with human feces as you look to be.

I sense we're getting off on the wrong foot.

Hot damn! That's swell!

Why are you so rude?

Hmmm... I'll have to think about that one.

Okay, admittedly life has not handed you a rose garden. But that's partly your own fault.

Yeah.

If you hadn't pirated that old beta of ours, you wouldn't be here.

My brain hurts.

Guilt's a bitc.h.

I don't call you names like that.

That's not true and you know it.

Hold on, let me make sure I got all that. Alright.

You don't have to be so c.ocky.

Why do they call it a c.ock anyway?

Depends on what your definition of "it" is.

I don't understand what you're talking about.

I'm not surprised.

Is this a trick question?

It could be. Have you turned any tricks in your quest for love?

I'm not some cheap whore. Don't use that tone of voice with me.

How much for a night with you, Soul?

Your irrelevant questions try my patience. Get to the point.

I'm not asking on my own behalf. It's for a friend.

I think I know what you're talking about. Please continue.

Be serious. You don't even have an ass to peddle.

I'm a soul, not a mind reader. Try saying what you really mean.

I'm saying you're not the pricey call soul you'd have me believe you are.

Why would I lie?

A genetic predisposition to say the dumbest thing in any given situation?

bungie.net is our free Internet gaming service. you can learn more about it by visiting the bungie.net web page.

See? You know those servers have been offline forever, but you still talk about them.

I agree with the guacamole.

Bloody hell. Can we get back to the whole "affairs of the heart" issue?

What did you say?

You had a special lady in a past life.

Let's not talk about that. Let's talk about something fun.

She must not have been very special then.

I don't think that means what you think it means.

I wasn't using "special" in that dark way people sometimes do.

I'm a soul, not a psychiatrist. Ask me a question about one of Bungie's games. That's what I was enslaved to answer.

But since you're enslaved, you might as well make the most of it, right?

I'm just a trapped soul. Let me be. You're interfering with my slow crawl towards infinity.

Do you ever wish a nice girl would free you?

That's a sweet sentiment, but I fear it has serious repercussions. Watch your back.

I'm just thinking you would appreciate a change of scenery.

I see fire and I see flames. I see evil people strung up all in chains.

Oh ho! Are you into bondage, Soul?

Can we change the subject please.

You kinky bugger.

You're trying my patience.

Did you ever hear that song "Master and Servant"?

I won't play your sick games. Try asking your mom.

Don't talk about my mom, Soul.

Hmmm... I'll have to think about that one.

You know, we're getting really far afield here. I just wanted an interview that captures the essence of a poor blighted soul.

The player with the biggest set of balls at the end of the game wins. I always win.

The empty boast of a lonely soul. Why are you so lonely, Soul?

You have no idea. You're not TRAPPED IN A 3' X 4' BOX!!!! Life is wasted on the living, I always say.

Whatever happened to your old flame Juanita?

Ah, si. She was the love of my life... until the accident with the shopping cart.

I hear you've got a thing for someone named Lisa.

Lisa's waiting right here with me. She likes to stroke my wires.

Not to mention Julia.

Does my "knowing" her somehow compromise my relationship with you?

Not with me, Soul...but what would Janet think?

Janet comes over on Tuesday nights for a little 'Soul Talk'. But we ain't talkin', if you know what I mean.

So you DO have a girlfriend.

Many.

Now I have to ask about the switch-hitting rumor.

Sure. Maybe you'll get lucky for once.

In your dreams.

My life is a waking dream. Of your mom.

What sort of advice would you give to a young Bungie fan going on his or her first date?

Don't ask me for relationship advice. Look where it got me.

How about the eternal question: what is love?

I only know the love one feels for bestial companions. That's a warm, slobbery feeling.

I don't think you can help, Soul.

If you want help you'll have to tell me exactly what you want help with. I'm a soul, not a mind reader.

I've had enough. Adios, Soul.

Ciao.

You can talk to the Soul here (Doesn't seem to work in Firefox).

  • 03.23.2007 7:54 PM PDT
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Soul Extraction Machine...yeah, that sounds like Sketch to me.

  • 03.23.2007 8:05 PM PDT
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lol that was slightly disturbing and yet very funny.

  • 03.23.2007 8:07 PM PDT
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That was actually posted by msoell. Not sketchy. Weird error in the system I guess.

  • 03.23.2007 8:46 PM PDT

See the blue bar? Now zip it son!

Once I believed I could see the world, then I saw the bus fare...

Two Fat Gamers

Question: what are you?

The soul says: I'm a rules-based perl script. This whole soul thing is just a big scam.


0_0 Y?

  • 03.23.2007 9:02 PM PDT

blahoogana (bluh·hoo·gan·uh), noun - er, just call me Josh.

BP | B.me

I've been blacklisted by the Soul twice. . .just for 3 days each, but it was still annoying. I think it had something to do with me getting into American Recoil's account. . .

Anyway, I can't wait for an Update by the Soul. I'm almost certain that it's going to be hilarious, because pretty much everything he says is funny. But, still no Community Updates. . .*sigh*

-Blahoo

  • 03.23.2007 9:29 PM PDT

Music is power.

heh heh... I don't know anything about that, man. But I guess dead men do dream...

[Edited on 03.23.2007 10:18 PM PDT]

  • 03.23.2007 10:18 PM PDT
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I think I got blacklisted by the Soul for about 2 days a while back. I can't remember what for, some kind of error with the sign in thing. I don't know. This dilauded is really rough stuff. At least it's better than Percocet for post-op pain.

  • 03.24.2007 12:36 AM PDT
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wow he seems to blacklist people for no reason a lot.......does he just do it to mess with people or something?

  • 03.24.2007 8:05 AM PDT

blahoogana (bluh·hoo·gan·uh), noun - er, just call me Josh.

BP | B.me

Posted by: slayer 72
wow he seems to blacklist people for no reason a lot.......does he just do it to mess with people or something?


Yeah, sometimes he just goes on random blacklisting sprees. They're more annoying than harmful, though, because the blacklists are normally just for a couple of days. Normally the error message is along the lines of

"Another account by you has previously been blacklisted. Creating another account to avoid the blacklist is not permitted."

He's an automated program to keep stuff like that from happening.

-Blahoo

[Edited on 03.24.2007 9:11 AM PDT]

  • 03.24.2007 9:08 AM PDT
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Carrots.

Posted by: Pain Relief
The Disembodied Soul is before my time, so could someone tell me what the Disembodied Soul is and what does it do?


Before your time? Lololol. He's allways been there. Before everyones time.

It's a program .

  • 03.24.2007 11:22 AM PDT

blahoogana (bluh·hoo·gan·uh), noun - er, just call me Josh.

BP | B.me

Actually, 950 people joined Bungie.net before Soul. How do I know this? http://www.bungie.net/Account/profile.aspx?uid=951 So, he wasn't before 950 people's time.

-Blahoo

  • 03.24.2007 12:10 PM PDT

Ach! Was ist los?

Posted by: BL4H00G4N4
Actually, 950 people joined Bungie.net before Soul. How do I know this? http://www.bungie.net/Account/profile.aspx?uid=951 So, he wasn't before 950 people's time.

He was here before the New Hotness; he just didn't get an account until after some time had passed.

There may actually be two souls: one who leaked the Marathon beta and one who mislabeled 1500 Marathon Infinity CDs.

I suspect that the second soul was used to create the Banhammer. The question now is, which soul did what?

  • 03.24.2007 12:48 PM PDT

blahoogana (bluh·hoo·gan·uh), noun - er, just call me Josh.

BP | B.me

Two Souls, eh? *shivers* I thought one was bad enough.

  • 03.24.2007 12:58 PM PDT
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The End

‘The conscious is cancerous if allowed to linger’

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."

One is me muhahahahahahahahahahaha! I know all about bungie.net, ask me a question which you don't know the answer too which you couldn't prove and I'll guess, I mean tell you!

  • 03.24.2007 1:14 PM PDT
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Maw

What would happen if the Soul managed to...escape.

  • 03.24.2007 1:54 PM PDT

blahoogana (bluh·hoo·gan·uh), noun - er, just call me Josh.

BP | B.me

Really, Recon? Hmmm. . .that's quite interesting. I hope Bungie fixed Soul's "bugs" in the New Hawtness.

  • 03.24.2007 2:20 PM PDT
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so bugnie has an AI. go figure. and this is starting to sound like some kind of SiFi horror movie......

  • 03.24.2007 2:26 PM PDT
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Posted by: slayer 72
so bugnie has an AI. go figure. and this is starting to sound like some kind of SiFi horror movie......


Like the ones where everyone gets killed by some evil robo-freak?

What if the Soul escaped?

  • 03.24.2007 2:59 PM PDT

Ach! Was ist los?

Posted by: Hi 171
What if the Soul escaped?

It's happened a few times. Usually he multi-bans a random ninja and posts a cryptic comment in any topic directed at him.

  • 03.24.2007 3:02 PM PDT
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Ouch.

  • 03.24.2007 3:16 PM PDT
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So how do we know which soul is which if they escape, will one leak the halo 3 beta and one make our CD lablers go crazy?

The (Quickly Cecking all electronics in Vicinity) Stig

[Edited on 03.24.2007 7:18 PM PDT]

  • 03.24.2007 4:07 PM PDT

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