- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Mmm, morning morsels. It's too bad I'm too tired to chew very effectively. I think the combination of the stillness about me as I sit here, my current depressed state, the fact that these morsels were left for us several hours ago, and the blue-and-teal UI I'm seeing are giving me a cold impression as I read these. I'm cutting and pasting to read them later to see if I can see them in a better light.
I'm remembering some of the things that turned out in ways that I didn't like. It's like I'm blindly drifting backward, not knowing how to swim. I don't know how to feel about it anymore... some of my memories are painful, but they're mine nonetheless. Without them, I wouldn't be, or wouldn't be who I am. The idea of losing my hard-earned lessons haunts me in still moments like now. As far back as I can remember, there's only been one thing that I fear, but it gives me a dreadful, primal sense of helplessness. When my mind clears of distractions, sometimes I can almost feel a stillness coming over me... I imagine not existing, in past or future. I imagine all trace of every memory, emotion, thought, all the information I am being sealed off in a singularity- never to be known and never to know more again. I have one nightmare, and it's of me sitting alone in a mirror sphere unable to see anything but myself staring back in, trapped forever, doomed to stagnance worse than death. I'm forever clinging to the thoughts that haunt me, afraid to lose my identity if I let go of the fiery Promethean demon... afraid to fall apart into lesser peices that will never know what they once were. I have failed you...
We amuse ourselves by discovering each other. It comforts us to see ourselves reflected in our eyes, seeing that we aren't alone. There are others like us, others who feel like we do... we aren't alone...
Edit:
Well, I guess I chewed up his poetry real bad. Hmm. This kinda sneaked up on me. I think I'll call it "The Lonely Universe". That's got lots of possible interpretations...
[Edited on 6/1/2004 4:22:54 AM]