Halo 1 & 2 for PC
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Subject: ~Halo, story of Master Chief~ CHAPTER 4 IS UP!
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Hello and welcome to my first offical fanfic!
I'd appreciate anything you have to say, whether it be criticism or praise :).


Here is the LINK TO MY STORY: http://vidiot-halo-story.blogspot.com

I decided to just put my story in a blog so it would create less mayhem as the story gets bigger, and bigger.

[Edited on 05.30.2007 4:01 PM PDT]

  • 05.26.2007 5:13 AM PDT
Subject: ~Halo, story of Master Chief~
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http://vidiot-halo-story.blogspot.com/


[Edited on 05.28.2007 10:34 PM PDT]

  • 05.26.2007 5:17 AM PDT
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Yey nice dude ! Just finished reading both of these you wrote .I want more ! Btw I have a little thought that he's going to be the Master Cheif :P Well don't answer me , it will spoil , but what's the kid's name ?Include it to a story or post it please .. if you want.

  • 05.26.2007 5:34 AM PDT
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The kid's surname is Granger and yeh I think he's going to either become master chief or another spartan.

  • 05.26.2007 5:48 AM PDT
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You really liked it? Great! ^_^

You mean the kids name? The name of the kid I'm talking about?

His name is John Triton.

(Just edited it because I like this name better, from the movie called "The Marine")

So are you guys really liking it?

[Edited on 05.26.2007 5:59 AM PDT]

  • 05.26.2007 5:53 AM PDT
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Ya I really like it looking forward for another chapters :)

  • 05.26.2007 6:03 AM PDT
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Posted by: FireHentz
Ya I really like it looking forward for another chapters :)

Thanks! :)

  • 05.26.2007 6:08 AM PDT
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Nice job. A real good read. Although the dialogue could've been less "cheesy" (ex: "I sure hope this will stop my bleeding"...sounds like I'm watching Arthur...xD ), it's pretty good. Looking forward to your next chapters.

[Edited on 05.26.2007 8:30 AM PDT]

  • 05.26.2007 8:29 AM PDT
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Hmm, I'm sorry, but there's bit in the story that just don't make sense/are plain silly. Mainly in the first bit.

1: You should probably check your spelling and grammar quickly after writing it up manually, I saw a couple of wrong words (like to instead of too and such).. not a major problem, but just a tad irritating.

2: Being shot through the chest with a Covenant beam rifle means you die. Think about it logically, you get shot with a plasma-based weapon, a chunk of your chest evapourates and explodes outwards and charbroils your heart and lungs and everything around it. Even with modern bullets a 2" hole through your chest that somehow misses your vital organs means you fall over, breathless as your lungs collapse since your chest is cavitated. Without someone else giving you medical aid within the next few minutes, you die. You can't jump up into a car, drive home, shout loudly "MOM! DAD!" and patch yourself up with a first aid kit. Really. I'd suggest an arm wound or something, at least that's more survivable (John'd lose the use of that arm until the guy got to the medical station on the base, though).

3: Even a retired marine would be killed within a very short space of time when outnumbered. He wouldn't be armoured, he wouldn't be able to stop the enemy flanking him, and he wouldnt' be able to stop his head being blown off by the Jackal snipers. And grunts with knives?! Come on! A grunt would simply shoot the poor guy in the back without sneaking up on him. He certainly wouldn't be able to 'mow down alien after alien'.

4: Uh... unless the Covenant only has a fraction of the planets and resources that it does in the normal Halo universe, them finding Earth means The End. Glassed Earth. Boom. Done. If they're able to land troops on the planet without warning, Earth is so screwed it's not even funny.

The second bit seems fairly sound, though a bit silly. 15 year olds being hired? I'll reserve comment until further chapters.


Having said all that, the writing itself is pretty good, there seems to be a decent plot and description. Is this your first story? If so, not bad. Could be improved, but not bad at all.

  • 05.26.2007 8:32 AM PDT
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All right! Constructive critism! ^_^

Yes, I understand how the prologue doesn't really make sense. It was the first part, and I kind of messed up with it. Hopefully I made up for it in the second chapter :P.

You have to understand that I'm sort-of new to the Halo world. I haven't done much single player (only online LOL) and I haven't read much about it. This is why it might not follow the normal story line at all.

Yes this is my first story. I'm glad you see that at least the writing is good ;).

A 15 year old could get enlisted. After all, it is the future. On top of that, they don't even go into real combat for at least a couple more years. They just get training early.

[Edited on 05.26.2007 9:21 AM PDT]

  • 05.26.2007 9:20 AM PDT
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Should I even post my next chapter? After what the other guy said I dunno if I should make the story if its gonna completely murder the original Halo storyline (which it might...)

  • 05.26.2007 10:24 AM PDT
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though a bit silly. 15 year olds being hired? I'll reserve comment until further chapters.
Master Chief started training to become a spartan when he was about six.

If they're able to land troops on the planet without warning,
It never says the marines weren't warned (and if it does it is assumption since John could not have known what was happening at the base), they could have not informed the public to prevent panic.

And grunts with knives?! Come on! A grunt would simply shoot the poor guy in the back without sneaking up on him
A grunt can quite easily have a knife, elites have swords why shouldn't grunts have knives.

Point 1+2 I agree with however.

Anyway Vidiot you should keep writing these as I said before they are good.

[Edited on 05.26.2007 10:43 AM PDT]

  • 05.26.2007 10:43 AM PDT

_____________(__||____||__)___
-------------___-.~,~~:_____:______|================[_]=
|_______/ /_/```-------|__|

JUMP FEET FIRST INTO HELL!!

i think u should have made ur story on a made up spartan of ur own.

  • 05.26.2007 1:29 PM PDT
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Your assuming its about Master Chief he hasn't said whether it is not or not you could be wrong.

  • 05.26.2007 1:39 PM PDT
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How do you know that Master Chief began training at six years old Sir Joe Hilando ? Is it in the books ? I haven't read them :( .I always though Master Chief was a cyborg ...

  • 05.26.2007 1:48 PM PDT
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John (Master Chief) was born in 2511 and spent the first part of his childhood on the human colony planet Eridanus 2 where he lived with his family. John was large for his six years of age, approximately a foot above his school peers. At this age he is described as a typical boy, having brown hair, freckles and a gap in between his two front teeth.

In 2517, John and seventy-four other children his age were covertly taken from their homes and replaced with flash clones to hide the kidnapping. The original children were brought to planet Reach, one of the UNSC's headquarters, to train to become SPARTAN-II supersoldiers. On Reach, the abducted children began intensive physical, mental and psychological training as part of the Spartan program by Chief Petty Officer Franklin Mendez, and were assigned new identification numbers instead of last names. John became known as John-117.

On the first day (September 24, 2517) John met his teammates Kelly-087 and Sam-034, who would become his best friends. On July 12, 2519, at the age of eight they were sent out into the wilderness in Pelican dropships to participate in a survival exercise. CPO Mendez warned them that the last trainee to complete the objective had to walk back to the base from the mountainous wilderness, which was a very long walk. After being dropped off individually and linking up, John and the other trainees found the Pelican to be guarded by drill instructors who were out of uniform and under orders to attack any trainee who approached the ship. John wanted to make sure everyone got back so he and his fellow trainees brutally beat the guards, stole the Pelican and flew it back to the military complex, with the guide of their teacher AI, Déjà. When they returned home, John insisted that if anyone should be punished, it should be him, since he was the last one to board the Pelican. Due to this John was promoted to Squad Leader as a result of both his ability to adapt and his leadership over the other Spartans. (from Wikipedia)

2511 born, 2517 first day, six years old on first day.

[Edited on 05.26.2007 2:11 PM PDT]

  • 05.26.2007 2:10 PM PDT
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Posted by: Sir Joe Hilando
John (Master Chief) was born in 2511 and spent the first part of his childhood on the human colony planet Eridanus 2 where he lived with his family. John was large for his six years of age, approximately a foot above his school peers. At this age he is described as a typical boy, having brown hair, freckles and a gap in between his two front teeth.

In 2517, John and seventy-four other children his age were covertly taken from their homes and replaced with flash clones to hide the kidnapping. The original children were brought to planet Reach, one of the UNSC's headquarters, to train to become SPARTAN-II supersoldiers. On Reach, the abducted children began intensive physical, mental and psychological training as part of the Spartan program by Chief Petty Officer Franklin Mendez, and were assigned new identification numbers instead of last names. John became known as John-117.

On the first day (September 24, 2517) John met his teammates Kelly-087 and Sam-034, who would become his best friends. On July 12, 2519, at the age of eight they were sent out into the wilderness in Pelican dropships to participate in a survival exercise. CPO Mendez warned them that the last trainee to complete the objective had to walk back to the base from the mountainous wilderness, which was a very long walk. After being dropped off individually and linking up, John and the other trainees found the Pelican to be guarded by drill instructors who were out of uniform and under orders to attack any trainee who approached the ship. John wanted to make sure everyone got back so he and his fellow trainees brutally beat the guards, stole the Pelican and flew it back to the military complex, with the guide of their teacher AI, Déjà. When they returned home, John insisted that if anyone should be punished, it should be him, since he was the last one to board the Pelican. Due to this John was promoted to Squad Leader as a result of both his ability to adapt and his leadership over the other Spartans. (from Wikipedia)

2511 born, 2517 first day, six years old on first day.


Dang...how'd he go from a typical, freckled redheaded kiddo, to "let's beat the crap out of the guards, shall we?" kind of type...? xD

  • 05.26.2007 3:30 PM PDT
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This is a small chapter, but I think I did a better job with the dialogue, I hope you enjoy! . Just to let you know, the next Chapter will have lots of action!
_____________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________
CHAPTER 2: The New Spartan

Location: Military Base, 0600 hours.

A secret group of highly ranked marines silently walks past John's room, careful to not make a sound. Rounding the corner, they walk down a long hallway until reaching the large door at the end. Quickly they enter the room.

Inside, it was a technological mad house. In the middle of the room, there were many desks all set-up perfectly so as not to interfere with each other. Over 22 state-of-the-art computers sat in the room, complete with holographic projectors. With over 22 computers, it was amazing they could even power the Holographic projector screens. At the end of the room. was a large holographic projector. Beneath it sat the Colonel. He sat there, unmoving, staring at the wall with his hands folded under his chin. At the sound of the door being opened he immediently looked up.

"I would like to thank you all for coming" the Colonel said.

"As you know, its been 6 months since our last meeting. I called this meeting to refresh your memories on what the Plan is. On top of this, we have a problem with the boy. He has discovered the bug. Watch this video from the hidden camera in his room". With that said, the Colonel pressed a button on the remote and the holographic screen came to life.

The Colonel stood, and slowly paced back and forth in front of the desk as he continued, "You are all familiar with the Spartan project I assume. As you also know, Master Chief is the last Spartan in active duty. Well, 2 years ago, I realized something. Master Chief isn't going to last forever, we're going to have to replace him at some time. Why not start a little early, so that the person we choose can get some training by fighting along side of Master Chief himself? After how dangerous it was when we genetically enhanced the other Spartans, and how many of them died, we needed to do something different this time."

With he had finished, the holographic screen instantly changed and was replaced with the new Spartan project.

"As I'm sure most of you remember, we were trying to find the ideal person for the job. Someone who had suffered a major psychological ordeal, and someone who has no family members. Along with those characteristics, we needed to find someone who was born naturally with a strong mind, and body. Someone who has a body strong enough to be able to take a hit from a sniper rifle and survive. That someone, is John Triton." After saying this a picture of him came up on the screen.

"John Triton is the perfect person for the new Spartan project. His father died, and his Mother was found dead not far away from her husband. It is quite obvious from our observations of John that he wishes to get revenge. Young, reckless, and full of potential, he will have the fury and energy to take down enemy, after enemy. On top of this, he has been practicing. Practicing so that he can get his revenge, we believe. By practicing I mean that he has been trying to build up his physical strength and close-combat skills. Now normally we wouldn't let someone join the Marines early, but we want him to get comfortable with the military and our group. Hopefully on his 19th birth day, he will understand where we are coming from, and decide to become the next Master Chief."

The Colonel cleared his throat before continuing, "Now, I have one more thing to say. I know some of you will disagree with this, but I've made up my decision. The boy needs a test. A brutal test of both his mind and body. We need to be absolutely sure that he is the right one. I have arranged a test for him, which will commense tomorrow. If he survives, we will know that he is the right one. If he fails, well, then he obviously isn't the right one."

  • 05.26.2007 9:52 PM PDT
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Good job, I liked it. Is this going to be the Spartan-III project then.

  • 05.26.2007 11:21 PM PDT
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I like it.

  • 05.26.2007 11:42 PM PDT
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Cool but one thing that bothers me a LITTLE TINY bit is that now this story is like a revenge-story.Well but im going to read next chapters too , it's still interesting.

  • 05.27.2007 1:23 AM PDT
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Hey everyone likes revenge. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA! ahem yeh but I don't think its gonna turn out to be too revenge orientated.

  • 05.27.2007 1:18 PM PDT
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Posted by: Sir Joe Hilando
And grunts with knives?! Come on! A grunt would simply shoot the poor guy in the back without sneaking up on him
A grunt can quite easily have a knife, elites have swords why shouldn't grunts have knives.


The main reason elites are able to use swords effectively because they have shields to close with the enemy without being shot. Grunts die very easily, so by the time they got close enough to use knives, they'd be dead, not to mention they'd probably go "EEEK! RUN!" a long time before that. Weapons are only useful if you can use it without serious risk of death. Besides, a grunt can't even REACH chest height - what's he going to do vs an armoured foe, bite his kneecaps?

As for the next part of the story, this is pretty bad. Even the MC was part of a large group of SPARTANs, why would the UNSC suddenly only use a SINGLE subject to replace him? If they could, the UNSC would take at least 100+ kids to replace the MC. Remember, the only reason the Master Chief is a single Spartan is because the rest DIED. You don't send out single troops unless you've no other choice, and it's not like there arent any more kids around that the military can snatch up for the war effort.

  • 05.28.2007 6:22 AM PDT
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Posted by: Reaver225
Posted by: Sir Joe Hilando
And grunts with knives?! Come on! A grunt would simply shoot the poor guy in the back without sneaking up on him
A grunt can quite easily have a knife, elites have swords why shouldn't grunts have knives.


The main reason elites are able to use swords effectively because they have shields to close with the enemy without being shot. Grunts die very easily, so by the time they got close enough to use knives, they'd be dead, not to mention they'd probably go "EEEK! RUN!" a long time before that. Weapons are only useful if you can use it without serious risk of death. Besides, a grunt can't even REACH chest height - what's he going to do vs an armoured foe, bite his kneecaps?

As for the next part of the story, this is pretty bad. Even the MC was part of a large group of SPARTANs, why would the UNSC suddenly only use a SINGLE subject to replace him? If they could, the UNSC would take at least 100+ kids to replace the MC. Remember, the only reason the Master Chief is a single Spartan is because the rest DIED. You don't send out single troops unless you've no other choice, and it's not like there arent any more kids around that the military can snatch up for the war effort.

MC was actually doing a great job because he was trained so well. They could send him by himself to do a complex mission against countless foes. They only needed one person to replace him. Along with that they couldn't just grab any random kid for the job because they were looking for the perfect one ;).

  • 05.28.2007 10:36 PM PDT
Subject: ~Halo, story of Master Chief~ CHAPTER 3 IS UP!
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Chapter 3 is up guys, doesn't anyone care? :(

  • 05.28.2007 11:37 PM PDT

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