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  • Subject: my halo story
Subject: my halo story
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It takes place before halo was invented. If its in one of the novels, I'll lock this post and stop writing it. But I really like it. (considering I wrote it) Its P.1.

Halo
The year is 2553. As you may picture it, it is all mostly ruins. The only life you will meet is at station M4 orbiting earth. There you will find the marines, smart, but have a fear of difficult missions. You will also meet the HELL jumpers. Armour strong and hopes high. They are made for life threatening missions. You will meet different classes of these soldiers, but they are meant for a different part of the story.
But, forget all those, “rookies”. Let me tell about, me. Otherwise known as the chief, I am the most experienced man you will meet. I Destroyed 2 Halos AND a couple Covenant Starships. But enough of that, today I’m on a mission. A mission to help save earth, to help save you. I am heading to The covenant cruiser. Well, I was, about 3-4 years ago……………





H.A.L.O.
DS-MWU
H(46346)

It was really early morning when I awoke. Sgt. Johnson was smoking a 4567 year cigar when he lifted up an air horn and blew it for 66 seconds. The marines were pissed. They all dressed up in uniform and grabbed BRs and ARs. Tom was the only one who had an M12 shotgun and Magnum. Tom went to his room and put on his B292 Spartan armor. I sleep with my Armour, not my helmet though. I turned around to find my helmet but it wasn’t there. I was confused until Johnson walked up and gave me my helmet. He asked me if I were looking for it, and I nodded. I wondered how it got there, before he told me how it did. He said that the marines were playing a joke on me and that they TRIED to put a picture of a skull on fire on the metal glass of my helmet. Instead, I just put a fake sticky plasma on their leader’s face. They freaked out on me. (Until they figured out it was just a fake.)
After everything settled, we were flying up to the covenant cruiser when I and Tom were dropped off on the top of the ship. We walked across the 9,000 acre long cruiser. We set a C4 on the door of the airlock. It blasted open as we waited. 20 somethin’ grunts flew out with one honor guard. I grabbed the energy sword as it flew out. We jumped in and went into another room. It was an empty room with a couple of prison cells. Tom snake cammed the door and saw a few elites. They were all talking in their alien language. Tom started whispering about how disgusting they were. We stuck a trip wire bomb across the door. I banged on the door and hid in the shadow. As they walked through the door, they heard a beep, and then they were blow all across the room. We ran into the room and washed up all the scared jackals. It was REAL fun killing those little annoyances. We headed towards the center of the ship, then met up with the marines. We started to share our plans and suggestions of how to steal the plans of halo.

CO. cruiser
67467456
HR.00023

“Alright here’s the plan,” I said, “Tom will sneak into the armory and plant a couple C4s in the right places, marines, you will stick with Johnson, who will guide you through to the landing bay and clear the LZ for pick up. I will go and try to take the plans, got it?” Chief said. “Sir, Yes Sir!” yelled the marines strictly. We all split up to where we were going. I was sneaking across the long hallways pointing my AR wherever I heard a noise. “Why is the ship so empty?” I wondered. But before I could check on the plan, I heard a silent, boom.
The cruiser shook as if it was hit. I com checked on Tom. “Hey Tom, How’s things in armory?” “Fine.” He answered. Suddenly all the lights went out. It was pitch black. I turned on my AR’s light to see. Tom yelled on the communicator, “Holy -blam!-!” I checked in, “What is it?” “The lights just, went off.” He answered. “Yeah, here too.” I replied. “Keep on with the mission.” I said, ending the short conversation. I walked towards a door the had an orange light above it. “I found the plans.” I said. “Good.” Tom replied. I put a Lock buster bomb on the door. I stepped back as the tiny explosion broke the lock. As the door opened, I saw about, 20-30 pairs of eyes. “Wort Wort Wort! A covenant yelled. “They can’t see me” I thought, being as quiet as possible. I pulled out a couple of frags and tossed them in. The covenant troops yelled as the grenade exploded. I walked in and still saw about 13 covenant. I could spot out 7 lower placed eyes and 6 higher ones. It was hard to see when the lights were out. I started firing as they did too. I hid behind a tall pillar in the room and blind fired a few times. Plasma shots were hitting my over shield when I saw a hunter. “Easy.” I thought, but then the hunter blasted a shot that blew the pillar a was taking cover at all around the room. “How did you do that?!” I yelled. I pulled out my Shotgun and as it lunged at me, I turned and pointed at it’s open stomach. I took a shot when this metal blue armor went over the stomach before the bullets hit him. “What the,” I said staring confused. Wham! His metal shield hit my stomach as I was being lifted in the air and thrown. I hit the other wall. “Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha.” The hunter laughed in a dark low voice as I tried to stand. “Where is he?” I said, grabbing my magnum. Since I dropped my assault rifle, my helmets light was the only light source. Right before I turned it on, all the lights came back on. “I got the lights to work!” Tom said. The Hunter now knew that he could not play around, considering the lights were on. Before the Hunter actually shot at me, He fell to the ground, dead. Sjt. Johnson was holding a shotgun with the barrel smoking. “You had a tough time, huh?” “Yes” I replied. “Well, that silent boom was the hunter’s blast hitting one of my men!” He said, very pissed. “It looks like their neck is the only vulnerable thing.” He said. Me and Johnson both looked around. It was the room with the plans. We looked in the computer at the front of the room. As I looked in, You won’t believe what I saw.
It was horrible. There were plans to build some sort of kamikaze ships. “damn,” Johnson said, staring at the screen. “We need to report this to HQ.” I said. I downloaded the plans to my Armour. We called in for pick up. “Patton we’re going to need pick up.” “Yes sir, on my way.” The pilot said. We were walking towards the exit when we noticed something. “Hey,” I asked, “Why does such a huge ship with such important plans have low security?” “Good point,” Johnson said.
Tom ran in the room and bumped into me as I was about to exit. “You guys gotta go a different way, Fast. The radar went crazy as I was about to leave in an escape pod when I saw a huge amount of Covenant cruisers outside. They’re surrounding us!” “How are we going to leave then?” I asked, “Wait maybe we can pilot this ship! Yeah, well get incredibly damaged, but a planet’s nearby. We can crash land there!” Everyone agreed. We used a teleported near by to teleport to the control room. “Nobody’s here,” Johnson said. “Duh, they all evacuated.” Tom replied. We got into positions. A red light blinked on and off. “They’re boarding” I informed. We got ready and Hit the throttle. All the cruisers fired. “-blam!-!” Tom said. We were heading towards the planet. “We lost an engine!” Tom yelled. Our ship started to turn away for the planet. I put all my strength to steer it back into direction. “Entering atmosphere.” I said. We felt a huge vibration. (considering the whole ship was shaking anyway.) We Were coming close to the surface and then…………. CRASH! The ship was sliding across the muddy ground. It finally stopped. We got out of the ship and looked around. We landed in a mossy forest type of world. “We better get moving, the covenant know we got the plans and they’re coming for it” Johnson said. And then, we walked into the Tall trees, looking for a place to hide.






[Edited on 08.03.2007 12:03 PM PDT]

  • 07.18.2007 10:26 PM PDT
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Your an good writer in the fact that everything is clear. But your repetitive. Try and not use the same adjective or verb in the same two sentences. It gives you the sound of a higher vocabulary and a better style. Also, more descriptions in sequence of events, as in how did they take off to the cruiser, or the stle of landing. Also some diolaug would be nice.

But you have the ability to keep confusion out of the way, something a lot of armature writers lack.

[Edited on 07.19.2007 7:46 PM PDT]

  • 07.19.2007 12:23 AM PDT
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Ok, seriously, no offense dude, but the way this is written looks like it's a diary of some kid...(despite the fact this story has killings in it). Why?

Ok, then I went to go eat lunch. I saw my friend, Tom. We ate lunch. Then we went to the nearby dump and played paintball. It was fun playing with him. Then we went back home...

^ That's a diary my friend, not a well written story, an amaetur one at that. But...I guess, like No Refund had said, it's good that you keep everything clear.

  • 07.19.2007 5:56 AM PDT
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Prt.2 was just added on to the top post.

[Edited on 07.19.2007 10:19 AM PDT]

  • 07.19.2007 9:04 AM PDT
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Posted by: ThatGruntHunt
lifted up an air horn and blew it for 66 seconds. The marines were pissed.



So would I be if somebody lifted up an air horn and blew it for 66 seconds.

Work on your paragraphing. Big blocks of text are nasty to read.

  • 07.19.2007 10:50 AM PDT
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I just added part 3.

  • 08.03.2007 12:03 PM PDT