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Subject: B-NET : A spoof

Devil is Double is Deuce and Joker always trumps Deuce.

All right guys and girls. I thought I would spruce up the forum with a spoof on the classic 30's radio show Dragnet. For those of you who don't have grandparents, here's the lowdown: An NYPD detective by the name of Friday would always end up investigating some crime. You basic average 30's detective show. Mafia, dames, cadets getting shot. The works. My spoof is just like that. Except it all takes place in the forum. I'm the lead, of course. And some other well known members are in it too. They just don't know it yet..... So, without further adu, here's B-NET:



The story you are about to hear is fake. The names of the participants have not been changed. These are the stories of the B.NET forum :

[color=yellow] B-NET [/color]



It was raining that night. A hard rain. But the lawn needed it. I decided to pay a visit to the forums, seeing as how I had nothing else to do. The clock said 11:00. I guessed 12:30. My profile said I had one new message. I recognized the name on the header. Atsumi. She was a well known member. Her letter had the usual characteristics. Puppy dog eye text. Sloppy spelling. It was obvious she was troubled. The letter read like this:
" Last night, my signifigant other, markhamx2, was brutally spammed. Spammed so bad he's afraid to log back on. Is there anything you and your associates can do to help find the culprit?"
I PM'd her back with the usual response: No promises, but we'll try. I contacted my informer, Obbiquiet and asked for any leads on raid spam attacks. He told me nothing solid, but i got a name: Davester .

Turns out he had a record. Seventeen locked accounts. Multiple spam attacks. A thorn in society's side. The mods had been after him for months. But he kept coming back. Like the hallucinations you get from too much alcohol. They put up a reward I couldn't refuse: free swag from the store. I called my partner, flamechu. We had a job to do. And it was only 1:00 a.m. An APB came over the boards; code 24. Attempted spam attack in New Mombasa.

New Mombasa. The roughest forum on the site. Nothing but whiners, spam and the occasional flame war. The thread we were called to was typical. "Halo 2 suxxors" it proclaimed. It's the kind of stuff that makes your eyes burn. We finally cornered the spammer. His name was Charizard. And I was gonna make him squeal.
" Where's Davester?", I demanded.
" I don't know nothin!" was his scared reply.
" I don't believe ya. Maybe you need a little motovation." I began to insult his mom.
" Okay, okay! You got me coppa! He's in the Library!"
" Good i'll make sure the mods shorten yor bannage from forever to 50 years."

We headed to the library. But his time we had backup. Some cadet just out of registration. Name of Greenchief. Little flame-happy, but a good kid with a bright future. The three of us entered the thread. " Davester!" I posted. " We know your here! I gotta warrant for your involvement in the spamming of markhamx2!" No reply. We waited an hour. Finally, like the hangover after the party, he reared his ugly head. " i like pie." was his response. flamechu decided to take matters into his own hands. Some nice insults. But nothing to bring this mobster down. " Your mom was nice last night!" was davester's reply. Greenchief got mad. He shouted " oh yeah, well........ you suck!" The kid was in trouble. He was all out of ammo and the spammer was reloading. " I did yur dog!" came dave's fatal flame. The cadet just groaned and logged off. I thought we were toast. The kid was gone and flamechu and i were out of flames. Out of nowhere. backup arrived in the form of Shishka. One click. One less spammer. " Thanks, chief. Now I owe ya one." I don't like owing people, but he just helped me score free swag.

markhamx2 and Atsumi coudln't have been happier. flamechu was enjoying his new halo book and I was staring at my new poster. " Thx guys." was all markham's message said. " Just part of the job man. My name is MCs Bro. I'm a detective."

DUm da dum dum
dum da dum dum dum


THE END (my hands are sore)

[Edited on 11/27/2004 12:53:42 AM]

  • 11.27.2004 12:48 AM PDT
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thats way too long to read at this hour.

  • 11.27.2004 12:52 AM PDT

Devil is Double is Deuce and Joker always trumps Deuce.

It goes by fast. It just looks like alot.

[Edited on 11/27/2004 12:56:42 AM]

  • 11.27.2004 12:54 AM PDT
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I read the entire thing. Very well written and even though it was short, it had an enthralling plot.

9 out of 10

Good going MC. Atsumi and Markham would be proud.

Note: After thinking about it more, this was really good. Good enough in fact to make me desire another story. Maybe you could do another one of these short stories once again incorporating people on B.net. Just a suggestion.

[Edited on 11/27/2004 1:00:56 AM]

  • 11.27.2004 12:54 AM PDT
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ok i did it, and i must say it was good, so good in fact theres not even a word for it. i shall make up a word.... "scrumpdeliumpsious"

  • 11.27.2004 12:57 AM PDT

Devil is Double is Deuce and Joker always trumps Deuce.

Posted by: Celenon

Note: After thinking about it more, this was really good. Good enough in fact to make me desire another story. Maybe you could do another one of these short stories once again incorporating people on B.net. Just a suggestion.


There will probably be another one. Just not tonight. I'm half asleep and my hands hurt. Maybe next week....

  • 11.27.2004 1:04 AM PDT

Devil is Double is Deuce and Joker always trumps Deuce.

You, celenon, frag u, Eagle 117 and chaplain are shoe ins for the next one. I can only fit in so many characters...

[Edited on 11/27/2004 1:26:54 AM]

  • 11.27.2004 1:25 AM PDT
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I'm offended by the lack of "me" that story contains

  • 11.27.2004 1:27 AM PDT

Devil is Double is Deuce and Joker always trumps Deuce.

Next time i'll just add: " As the entire forum watches in horror!" That gets everyone in the story...

  • 11.27.2004 1:32 AM PDT
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Posted by: VII Toast
Can I be in the next one?

Oh, please.

Make me the cool, sexy laid back guy that gets all the ladies. Even your mom.

Damn you!! You made VII Toast squeal like a piggy.


ha, lets laugh at the sow!

  • 11.27.2004 1:50 AM PDT
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Scrumptralescence

Oh yeah and it would be super swell if I could make an entrance into this great story of yours, maybe as the infamous mafioso Marshinee Melloso, or something to that effect.

[Edited on 11/27/2004 2:48:59 AM]

  • 11.27.2004 2:41 AM PDT

We’ve watched while the stars burned
Out, and creation played in reverse.
The Universe freezing in half-light.
Once I thought to escape.
To end a master, step out of the
Path of collapse. Escape would make us God.
Yet I cannot help but remember one enigma,
A hybrid, elusive destroyer.
This is the one mystery I have not solved.
The only element unaccounted for.

Make me like one of the Star Trek people who wears a red shirt. Just have him lob a yo momma grenade.

  • 11.27.2004 3:25 AM PDT
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mnnn can you try and have the laser war players make a small apearence.Nothin major just a passing mention would be apretiated.

  • 11.27.2004 4:28 AM PDT
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Nice MCs Bro, I'd like to see a weekly series too.

  • 11.27.2004 5:29 AM PDT
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Posted by: VII Toast
I would rather see the word association come into play.



Mnn yea i forgot about word assoatiation.But still why not have both/

  • 11.27.2004 6:08 AM PDT
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Posted by: VII Toast
Posted by: un gato
Make me like one of the Star Trek people who wears a red shirt. Just have him lob a yo momma grenade.


Jou cnow cllghon?


Sorry, I don't know Klingon.

P.S. And I can be the mysterious informant who really turns out to be the bad guy leading the good guys into a trap! = D

[Edited on 11/27/2004 6:27:17 AM]

  • 11.27.2004 6:26 AM PDT
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That was really cool. D'ya think they should sticky this?

  • 11.27.2004 7:46 AM PDT

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