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Scott Land:
Gamertag Regret
By Scott McGough
Even an abusive fellow like me doesn't casually pick on someone's Gamertag. It doesn't matter if you spent a week finding just the right sci-fi reference or if you just made something up on the spot; it's still the name you've chosen to show the world and your decision deserves respect.
That being said, there are a lot of crummy Gamertags out there. I should know because I have one of them. After my first choices were already taken, I lost patience and chose the long, hard to pronounce name of a supporting character from an obscure British horror movie that only me and four other people have seen. In my defense, the character was played by Christopher Lee (that's Count Dracula and The Man With the Golden Gun to you movie hounds, or Saruman and Count Dooku to you genre film newbies), but that doesn't change the fact that it's a dud as a Gamertag. Based on my own experience and a quick survey of the players on Xbox Live™, I have put together a few common sense questions that everyone should ask themselves about their online moniker. When it comes time to choose between renewing the handle you have and entering the Gamertag Protection Program under a new identity, ask yourself these queries if you want to avoid Gamertag Regret.
Rule #1: Is It Working?
I hate to keep quoting The Simpsons, but remember the rationale behind the name of Homer's barbershop quartet. They were called The B-Sharps, a name that's designed to make you laugh a little and then get progressively less funny every time you hear it. You may love your oblique reference to the clarinet-playing alien in the Mos Eisley cantina (or to your favorite obscure British horror movie starring Christopher Lee), but that love will fade after the fiftieth or sixtieth time you have to explain the name to a fellow gamer (who still won't get it).
Also, consider the virtual landscape. Does the gaming world really need another permutation of the word "poop" or the ten millionth Star Wars/Tolkien reference? Those of you who've got 'em, wear 'em proudly: You came by them honestly. But, for all Gamertag choices to come from now on, we don't need any more Balrogs, Reservoir Dogs color names, or Sith Lords. Maybe I'm just bitter since my choice of "Darth Betty" was not available, but that's my opinion and I'm sticking with it.
Rule #2: Is It Simple?
By simple I mean "short and sweet" as well as "uncomplicated." If your Gamertag isn't a recognizable word, no one's going to be able to pronounce it (a must in team games and for making crude rhymes when you trash-talk). The longer it is, the larger the risk that everyone's just going to shorten it to a nickname, which mocks the effort you put into choosing it.
There are practical reasons for a short name as well. Before you enter that great name that's twenty characters long, think how it'll look floating over your head in online contests. Just about every shooter with a deathmatch uses your Gamertag as an on-screen identifier. The longer it is, the bigger your label. Do you really want to give your enemies a big fat signpost so they can find you quicker?
While I'm on the subject of simplicity, you text-messaging elite speakers must be stopped. As a writer and editor, I'm trained to fix typos and misspellings on sight, so all those phonetic spellings and numbers-for-letters give me migraines. When you come right down to it, elite speak (see? I can't bring myself to use it even when I'm writing about it) is just shorthand for typists in a hurry—but there's no timer ticking when you choose a Gamertag, so what's the rush?
Rule #3: Is It You?
This may seem esoteric, but bear with me. Are you still the same person you were when you first chose your name? Does is it still present the perfect image of you to the world? If not, consider a change, because change is good. Growth and evolution are good. Maybe the name of Lucy Liu's gang in Kill Bill Vol. 1 made a great name last year, but a lot's happened since then (Kill Bill Vol. 2, for one—Pai Mei trumps the Crazy 88s every time). It took me a whole year to get the "Woo-Hoo" song out of my head, and while I still love it, I no longer need to hear it three or four times a day. Seeing it ever time I sign in to Xbox Live would definitely cause a relapse, so if I had chosen something like "The5678s" as my Gamertag then, I would probably change it now just to preserve what's left of my sanity.
With these three simple rules in mind, you can avoid my fate, that of a chump who violated all three. I'm going to add one final note: When Xbox.com sends you the notice that your Gamertag is about to be automatically renewed unless you take action, make a note of the date and then take action. That way you won't space out and forget that they automatically renew your account, sticking you with another year of the same Gamertag that you've been looking forward to changing.
But, if that does happen, you can always grit you teeth and write a column about it …
Just thought I'd post this to help people with their gamer tag... I've seen some...odd...gamer tags out there(DaddyBigNutz).
[Edited on 12/22/2004 1:12:58 PM]