Off Topic: The Flood
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  • Subject: Halo: Combat Devolved
Subject: Halo: Combat Devolved
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This is the story of what would happen if the Halo was not so...well...you'll just have to read and find out.



*smoke rises*
Marine: Sorry for the quick thaw, Mast-
MC: HOLY CRAP I'M IN A TUBE!
Marine: Nothing gets by you, sir.
MC: Damn straight. What do you want?
Marine: We're under attack! We need assistance, so we're going to you for help.
MC: Okay, let me just get out of the tube...
Marine on top deck: Not just yet, Chief. Please look around the room first. Use the right thumstick you position your view.
MC: What? Right thumstick? What are you talking about?
Marine on top deck: Sir, please look around the room using the right thumbstick.
MC: *whispers to other Marine* Whatever he's on, I want two of.
Marine: After this, I'll get you some.
Marine on top deck: Okay, screw this. Just climb on out.
Mc: Got it.

*climbs out of tube*

Marine: Okay, now, let's go recharge you're shields.
MC: I think our readers are bored of this now, let's just skip to where Keyes yells at you.
Marine: Wha-
Keyes <on intercom>: GET ME MY GOD DAMN COFFEE, MARINE! Oh, and get the Master Chief down to the deck ASAP.
Marine: We'll have to skip the weapons diagnostics, sir.
MC: It's okay, I can kill stuff juuust fine with these. *cracks knuckles*
Marine: No you can't, for some reason, you can't use your hands to punch. Come on, let's just go.
MC: All right. Let's go.

*walks down hall*

Marine: Hurry Chief, this way!

*door blows up in Marine's face*

MC: God, I love scripted events.



I'll post some more later. Now flame me to death with my stupidness.

  • 12.22.2004 5:01 PM PDT
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"MC: HOLY CRAP I'M IN A TUBE!
Marine: Nothing gets by you, sir."

Only funny thing.

  • 12.22.2004 5:02 PM PDT
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The United States of America-- STILL more rights than North Korea!
--New official U.S. motto.

Cronin's Law----The New Flood Drinking Game

Righto. How about not.

  • 12.22.2004 5:21 PM PDT
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here's what I read....
stupidness
stupidness
stupidness
stupidness
"MC: HOLY CRAP I'M IN A TUBE!
Marine: Nothing gets by you, sir."
stupidness
stupidness
stupidness
stupidness

  • 12.22.2004 5:28 PM PDT
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I though this was another one of those stupid "I hait haelo @!" threads.

  • 12.22.2004 5:31 PM PDT

Dude, it would be so cool if we had these pregnant sentinels that were, like, all flaming and shot out baby flaming sentinels that would be all "YARRRGH!" then they'd be like, "WHAAAAR" when they shoot.

That'd be sweet.

How about this: Level 2 Halo.

Escape pod nears the ground...
The air brakes broke to early, I'm losing her, Brace for Impact!!!
BOOM!!! (Sreen goes white)
CORTANA: "Cheif! are you all right?" "Can you move?"
MC: No.
CORTANA: Damn.
Credits start rolling.

  • 12.22.2004 5:59 PM PDT
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Level where chief gets the chip back from Keys

Cortana:No human lifesigns detected, the captian... he's one of them, you know what he'd expect... what he'd want us to do.
*Splush*
Cortana:Good we have the codes, let's get outta here... Chief, lets go!
Master Chief:My hand's stuck.

don't feel like your required to laugh

[Edited on 12/22/2004 6:03:37 PM]

  • 12.22.2004 6:03 PM PDT
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Posted by: DancesWithHogs
Level where chief gets the chip back from Keys

Cortana:No human lifesigns detected, the captian... he's one of them, you know what he'd expect... what he'd want us to do.
*Splush*
Cortana:Good we have the codes, let's get outta here... Chief, lets go!
Master Chief:My hand's stuck.

don't feel like your required to laugh

Oh, thank god.

  • 12.22.2004 6:06 PM PDT
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Posted by: lellowranger
I though this was another one of those stupid "I hait haelo @!" threads.

I'm still wondering if it is.

  • 12.22.2004 6:23 PM PDT
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level 2-
cortana: Hey look! more dropships coming in fast!
MC: hey, aren't there suposed to be three?
*hears loud noise behind him, turns around*
*ship flies into mc*
*Captain keyes walks out*
keyes: I'm sorry I made us left early, I didn't come to my sences for a while, I know it is the right thing to have left that junk heap. Hey, wasn't the MC here?
*Sees master cheif's barraded corpse*
Keyes: oh no! cortana! You friggen piece of metal now we're doomed!

  • 12.22.2004 6:26 PM PDT
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that's awsome

simple, stupid, yet picaunt in taste.

  • 12.22.2004 6:28 PM PDT
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Posted by: lellowranger
Posted by: DancesWithHogs
Level where chief gets the chip back from Keys

Cortana:No human lifesigns detected, the captian... he's one of them, you know what he'd expect... what he'd want us to do.
*Splush*
Cortana:Good we have the codes, let's get outta here... Chief, lets go!
Master Chief:My hand's stuck.

don't feel like your required to laugh

Oh, thank god.

Had you worried there didn't I?

  • 12.22.2004 7:28 PM PDT
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I liked the story. "HOLY CRAP I'M IN A TUBE!" "Nothing get's past you, sir." was damned funny.

The part here he skips to the yelling. Also good. Please! Continue with your story!



  • 12.22.2004 8:10 PM PDT
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u forgot to remember.....


UR A friend indeed*



*ninja edit

[Edited on 12/23/2004 7:48:40 AM by Recon Number 54]

  • 12.23.2004 7:30 AM PDT
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not only r u a fal-la-la-la-la-la-la

u r stupid because any otheer way the story line would be horable

ur insulting mc so ill just have to kill u

Moderator Note:

Demon Squirrel, you've only recently joined Bungie.Net, so I am guessing that you are unaware of how our community works. Please take a few minutes to look at the [color=white]F orum Rules.[/color] They are very important to know and to follow, if someone wishes to remain as a member of this fan community.

Some important points are;
* don't bump or double post
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* Don't use special characters, misspellings or other "tricks" to attempt to get past the blam-filter.

Now that someone has pointed out those rules and advice, I am sure that we'll get along grandly.


[Edited on 12/23/2004 7:56:28 AM by Recon Number 54]

  • 12.23.2004 7:35 AM PDT

Posted by: ferret
Posted by: halodev1
Ha ha stanman has been foiled by the great ferret. Soon he shall start a ferret army and take down the legions of the dark forces. ferret will be the leader and he will use his 1337 ferret skillz to end the fight once and for all.

or he just went home to sit on his ass watching conan and eating cheesy poofs.

flood control
got my AK!!

Level 2:
Cortana: Chief are you all right?? Can you move?
MC: My spine. No.
Cortana: Darn! shoot! -blam!-! Crap!
MC: *Dies*
Credits roll. but you can hear Cortana cuse in the backround.

  • 12.23.2004 7:40 AM PDT

Dude, it would be so cool if we had these pregnant sentinels that were, like, all flaming and shot out baby flaming sentinels that would be all "YARRRGH!" then they'd be like, "WHAAAAR" when they shoot.

That'd be sweet.

Level: Two Betrayals.

MC places index into the control center, suddenly Halo's activation stops.
343GS: Odd that wasn't supposed to happen.
Cortana:Oh really?
Cortana comes and knocks 343GS to the ground.
MC:Cortana!?
Cortana: Here I am cooped up in here watching you totey about, helping that thing get set to slit our throats!!!
MC puts his hand over his face and starts crying.

  • 12.23.2004 10:41 AM PDT

Hail the SI. Keep It Clean

level: Halo

crotana: this cave isnt a natural formation so it must leed somewhere
MC: really? (sarcasticly)
crotana: so are you going to go in then...
MC:no....
crotana: ok just checking
*sends marines in*

  • 12.23.2004 10:51 AM PDT
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Ooookay. I'm glad some people liked it. Here it is, continued.


*jumps over pipes into the main corridor*

Marine: Aaah! We're all gonna die!
MC: Not this time, Marine. You've got a Spartan on your side.

*three plasma bolts hit MC in the head, draining his overshield and some health*

MC: Ow.
Marine: Sir! Follow me! I know where a health pack is.

*takes MC to health pack*

Marine: Okay, now just walk right into it. Your suit will automatically heal your wounds.
MC: Okay, let me see.

*flash*

MC: HOLY CRAP I'M BLIND! AAAH! EVERYTHING WENT WHITE!

*walks into wall*

Marine: *sigh* We lose more Spartans that way.
MC: Why can't I see?
Marine: Some stupid side effect from the health pack. Now come on! You have to get to Keyes. ...You can hold my hand if you like.
MC: Good. Because I can't see!
Marine: Would you stop saying that?
MC: Sorry. Let's go.

*MC thrusts out his hand, accidentaly punching the Marine hard in the face*

MC: Marine? Marine, where are you? Oh, you are SO mean!

*other Marine walks in*

MC: Good, my vision's been restored!
Marine: *looks at dead body, then at MC's bloody hand* Um...I don't want to know. Keyes is right through here, Sir.

*Marine takes MC to Keyes*

MC: Captain Keyes.
Keyes: Good to see you, Master Chief. Um...as you can see, bad stuff is happening.
Cortana: He's the Chief, not a 5 year old, dumbass.
MC: Ah. Cortana as well.
Cortana: Sleep well?
MC: No.
Cortana: Good. We have to go now.
MC: What? Why?
Keyes: Well, basically, we're screwed, and if you can land on that artifact, we might not be screwed. The Pillar of Autumn is screwed, and I'm going down with it. A good Captain always goes down with his ship.
Cortana: *mutter* ...never said anything about being smart...
Keyes: I heard that. Now get out of here. Chief, take Cortana with you.

*takes Cortana out of the pedestal, putting her in his head*

Cortana: Now, let me just...
MC: Let's go...hey! Stupid pilot! I saw that!

*walks over to pilot and smashes his head on the terminal several times until it is a bloody mess*

Cortana: CHIEF! WHAT THE -blam!- ARE YOU DOING?
MC: ...he stuck his tongue out at me...
Cortana: Didn't we have the discussion before?
MC: Yes...I'm sorry.
Cortana: Good. Now let's go.
Keyes: Before you go, here Chief:

*hands MC a pistol*

Keyes: I don't keep it loaded, son. You'll have to find ammo as you go.
MC: You mean you DON'T have ammo for this?
Keyes: Umm...yes. But you can still whack people with it.
MC: Always two steps ahead, Keyes.
Cortana: It's gonna be a loooong game.


Okay, this one wasn't funny at all. It'll get better! I hope...

[Edited on 12/24/2004 5:36:06 AM]

  • 12.24.2004 5:34 AM PDT
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Great stuff, man. Keep up the good work.

  • 12.24.2004 8:07 AM PDT
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yeah. it's great stuff

  • 12.24.2004 9:19 AM PDT
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please continue. This is the most interesting thing there is on the flood.

  • 12.24.2004 8:15 PM PDT
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OMG WAHT R U GUYS TALKIN AB00T L0L?!!!111?!! TH1S 1S LI3K T3H AWSOM3 STTTORRRY L0LOLOLOLOL.

  • 12.24.2004 8:16 PM PDT
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Funny stuff. That "Holy crap I'm in a tube!" line was frigging hilarious. :-)

  • 12.24.2004 8:23 PM PDT