Bungie.net Community
This topic has moved here: Subject: Community Projects: Make me laugh contest
  • Subject: Community Projects: Make me laugh contest
  • Pages:
  • 1
  • 2
  • of 2
Subject: Community Projects: Make me laugh contest

Old school Bungie, born and raised,
In the Septagon is where I spend most of my days.
Relaxin', maxin', posting all cool,
Talking about Halo, life and some school.
Got in one little argument, and the mods got scared,
they said "You're gonna get banned and your member title'll be bare!"

With the new maps coming out tomorrow, and an extra 1600 MS points lying around, I wanted a quick and easy way to make someone's day brighter, as mine has been terrible and I hate feeling like crap (girl troubles, don't ask) . I need a good laugh to brighten my spirits.

A couple things before we start:
1.) Because we are dealing with Microsoft Points, the winners of this contest must reside in the United States. I apologize for this in advance; blame Microsoft.
2.) Please do not use profanity, etc. Just keep it clean.

Alright, here's the deal: I want you to type up a funny Halo one-liner, joke, extremely short story, whatever. Post it here (please keep excess spam to a minimum for my sake) and wait. You're allowed to make as many posts as you wish, just don't multipost, post in all caps (unless said entry deems it necessary. Caps can be used for conveying yelling, italics for stresses/whispering, that kinda literary junk), or drive me nuts.

By some time tomorrow, probably around 5 PM Eastern (22:00 GMT, I think they rock the 24-hours over there), I'll pick whatever entry I choose. This may be based on how much I laugh, granted I don't die in the process, or possibly some other unforseen criteria that I feel like throwing in at the last minute. Again, post your entries in this thread, for time's sake.

Also, making me angry by not following these rules may, and probably will, disqualify you from the contest. Consider yourself warned. Questions, comments, concerns, thoughts, advisories, worries, etc: please PM me with them.

Let hear 'em!

  • 12.10.2007 4:27 PM PDT

This is pretty funny

  • 12.10.2007 4:29 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Destinypedia - The Wiki for Bungie's Destiny
Posted by: DEATHPIMP72
Anyone but Foman. He smells like cheese.

I am not entering this contest, but hopefully this story I wrote around Thanksgiving time can give you a little chuckle in advance of the other entries. :-)

Gravemind stared hungrily at the large Thanksgiving meal of dead Marines, Grunts, and pumpkin pie spread before him. Spotting a rotting Spartan's corpse in the pile, he growled, "Tonight, we dine in Hell!" and immediately burst out into peals of deep laughter at his witty movie reference. As the rumbling vibrations died down, Gravemind looked proudly around the large chamber for approval of his joke, but received nothing but blank stares from the various Flood types standing around the room. A Combat Form swayed shakily and gave an uneasy cough.

Gravemind sighed and scratched at his thirty-first tentacle. He was noticing that the more he grew, the more he itched. Coincidentally, just as Gravemind was thinking about the various annoying side effects of his tremendous growth spurt, another one of his tentacles accidentally brushed against a Carrier Form, who immediately fell over and exploded, spraying several dozen Infection Forms all over the meal.

"No! Not on the food!" shouted Gravemind, as the Infection Forms joyfully bounced around the room ignoring him. Sure enough, after several seconds, one of the Infection Forms popped as it misjudged the height necessary to hop over the large spikes on a dead Hunter's back. Gravemind closed his eyes because he couldn't bear to watch what he knew was about to happen, but the staccato noises around the room confirmed that several more Infection Forms were also bursting, spraying their disgusting Flood goo all over the carefully prepared meal. When one popped, they all popped. Why did they do that?

As a couple of slow-moving Pure Form tanks gently shuffled the remaining Carrier Forms out of the room to avoid further incident, Gravemind sighed and flipped on the TV. Might as well check out the Lions game while his minions were cleaning up the mess. As the game came on, Gravemind threw up his tentacles in frustration. Detroit was losing AGAIN. Over 600 years, and those silly fools still hadn't figured out how to win a game on Thanksgiving day, save the occasional lucky break. A nearby Combat Form chuckled, knowing that it was only a few minutes of gameplay away from winning its bet with Gravemind and already excited about playing with the Scarab Gun that Gravemind had put up as a wager. Gravemind gave a stern look at the Combat Form that was intended to frighten it into shutting up, but the easily-distracted Combat Form was no longer paying attention, as it had begun chasing a large beetle around the room.

"Huh Huh Huh!!!" the Combat Form squealed with glee as it caught the beetle. "Awwwww ughhhh," it said as the beetle squirmed out of the Combat Form's grimy hands and darted into a small hole in the wall.

Gravemind rolled his eyes and reflected on the Flood. These guys were his family, and he loved them, despite their stupidity and their quirky.....OUCH!

Gravemind snapped back to reality as several darts hit him in the forehead. Looking around, Gravemind quickly spotted the culprits: two Ranged Pure Forms, attached high up on the wall of the chamber, guiltily averted their eyes in shame. They had been firing their darts at the butts of the Combat Forms and laughing as the Combat Forms hilariously ran around the room in confusion and pain, but in jostling for a better position to nail one of them, the Ranged Pure Forms had aimed badly and interrupted Gravemind from his reverie.

"No dinner for you!" Gravemind roared at the two scoundrels, who dropped off the wall, hung their heads in remorse, and slowly left the room, balefully looking back over their shoulders at the meal that they were about to miss. Too bad for them, Gravemind thought, although he didn't feel too guilty because he knew that they would likely trick a Combat Form into bringing some food out to them later.

By now the meal had been cleaned off again and Gravemind was ready to eat. Ah yes, Gravemind thought, as he brought a large pumpkin pie in one tentacle and a dead grunt in another both up to his mouth at the same time. Thanksgiving is definitely my favorite holiday.

Just then, the large beetle reemerged from the crack in the wall. The Combat Form that was about to win its bet with Gravemind immediately began to chase it again. Unfortunately, as the beetle once again escaped to safety, the Combat Form disturbed a large crowd of sleeping Infection Forms, who had eaten a ton of turkey and were now sleeping off the tryptophan.

As the Infection Forms began to swarm all over the food yet again, Gravemind's yell of frustration could be heard throughout High Charity. "Noooooo!!!"

  • 12.10.2007 4:31 PM PDT

MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK...
Posted by: Langley
--on another note, I think MLG Chewhatever is an idiot.

Posted by: Achronos
There is a reason I am user ID 1 and my account creation date is before this site came online.

Once upon a time Foman wrote a short story...

It was called the Encyclopedia Britannica.

~B.B.

  • 12.10.2007 4:36 PM PDT

Old school Bungie, born and raised,
In the Septagon is where I spend most of my days.
Relaxin', maxin', posting all cool,
Talking about Halo, life and some school.
Got in one little argument, and the mods got scared,
they said "You're gonna get banned and your member title'll be bare!"

Posted by: BerserkerBarage
Once upon a time Foman wrote a short story...

It was called the Encyclopedia Britannica.

~B.B.


Both your posts in conjunction, plus my stressing of short equals laughs. While I did enjoy it, I can't reward you for making fun of another member. Love ya, BB, but I'm not in love with ya!

  • 12.10.2007 4:38 PM PDT

Sandswept Studios Design Director

Visit us and check out our games at Sandswept.net!

~~Pardon Our Dust.~~

Posted by: BerserkerBarage
Once upon a time Foman wrote a short story...

It was called the Encyclopedia Britannica.

~B.B.

2006 version. The sequel came out the year after.
---

  • 12.10.2007 4:39 PM PDT

MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK...
Posted by: Langley
--on another note, I think MLG Chewhatever is an idiot.

Posted by: Achronos
There is a reason I am user ID 1 and my account creation date is before this site came online.

Posted by: prometheus25
Posted by: BerserkerBarage
Once upon a time Foman wrote a short story...

It was called the Encyclopedia Britannica.

~B.B.


Both your posts in conjunction, plus my stressing of short equals laughs. While I did enjoy it, I can't reward you for making fun of another member. Love ya, BB, but I'm not in love with ya!


But...but...IT's FOMAN!!

Sigh...I suppose. (I don't want the points card anyways Prommie, I'd give it away if I won)

~B.B.

  • 12.10.2007 4:40 PM PDT

Sandswept Studios Design Director

Visit us and check out our games at Sandswept.net!

~~Pardon Our Dust.~~

Posted by: BerserkerBarage
Posted by: prometheus25
Posted by: BerserkerBarage
Once upon a time Foman wrote a short story...

It was called the Encyclopedia Britannica.

~B.B.


Both your posts in conjunction, plus my stressing of short equals laughs. While I did enjoy it, I can't reward you for making fun of another member. Love ya, BB, but I'm not in love with ya!


But...but...IT's FOMAN!!

Sigh...I suppose. (I don't want the points card anyways Prommie, I'd give it away if I won)

~B.B.


He has a valid point. It is Foman.
All right, I'll cook up something good. Oh, I have just the thing!
So, as you all know, Trigger lives in Austr-- CRAP. It makes fun of another member. Screw it, I'm posting it anyway.

Backstory: Trigger's personal message on MSN said something along the lines of: "I'm playing non-MLG Customs until I collapse of exhaustion." Reading that....

Z46 - SS Zag1 says:
Collapse of exhaustion? Wouldn't you just lag out first?

Trigzah says:
OH HAHA
VERY FUNNY

Z46 - SS Zag1 says:
>_>
<3

Trigzah says:
you make me cut myself

Z46 - SS Zag1 says:
Good.
It should add some color to your otherwise dull Xbox Live experience.

Trigzah says:
<_<


[Edited on 12.10.2007 4:43 PM PST]

  • 12.10.2007 4:43 PM PDT

[Initiating make B.net member laugh: response #01]

Alright here's something you may or may not find amusing. It's just after a game and I've been promoted to Captain.

Said by: DamionCX

Finally I'm able to welcome you to the Captains deck.

We've got many nice things you're probably not used to on that crappy Lieutenants deck. Firstly we have our own separate washrooms, beds, and even our own desks for plotting brilliant strategies. Secondly you'll notice that we have our own cafeteria, with the best food you could imagine in a warzone. No bare minimums for us, Elites of the field of battle. Thirdly and most importantly, you now have a personal grunt to clean your quarters, prepare your weapons, and recharge your armor. Tedious tasks are no longer your concern. Though you will have to fill his food nipple daily. Again welcome, I'm sure you'll like it here.

I laughed until I thought I'd die.

[Edited on 12.10.2007 7:01 PM PST]

  • 12.10.2007 4:55 PM PDT

"But you were dead a thousand times. Hopeless encounters successfully won. A man long dead, grafted to machines your builders did not understand. You follow the path, fitting into an infinite pattern. Your to manipulate, destroy and rebuild. Now, in the quantum moment before closure, when all become one. One moment left. One point of space and time. I know who you are. You are destiny."

Oh darn. I'll make a halo image ... <_<;


[Edited on 12.10.2007 5:15 PM PST]

  • 12.10.2007 4:59 PM PDT

I got ran over by a REVO D:

How about a nice big cup of STFU (I will PM this one because it contains Course Language.)

  • 12.10.2007 5:27 PM PDT

Something else for you. A short clip about 0:23 seconds long. It's a part of a longer film that me and my friend made.

  • 12.10.2007 10:37 PM PDT

This made me laugh the first time I saw it, even though its kinda full of random stuff it is funny.

  • 12.11.2007 4:22 AM PDT

Old school Bungie, born and raised,
In the Septagon is where I spend most of my days.
Relaxin', maxin', posting all cool,
Talking about Halo, life and some school.
Got in one little argument, and the mods got scared,
they said "You're gonna get banned and your member title'll be bare!"

I'm going to pick a winner in about an hour, get your submissions in.

  • 12.11.2007 2:04 PM PDT
  •  | 
  • Exalted Mythic Member
  • gamertag: Rokitz
  • user homepage:

Want to know more about me? Check out my Community Joes interview.

Trying something once will increace your chances of success, because you tried it. Try someting twice, and your chances increase yet again - seeing as you've done it. Try something a few thousand times, and your chances of success is exponentially increased; this increase would likely provide success every time

This isn't mine, but meh, I got a chuckle out of it so I might as well post it.

"Yo Momma's so fat when she fell through the map, she killed the Guardians."

  • 12.11.2007 2:15 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Talk to the Soul | ~B.B. | Know Your Duardo |  | Hero | ISFJ | 77135 | 94371

"It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me."

9000!!oneone!!!111!1

...wait..

..this was supposed to be about Halo?

Hold on...

[Edited on 12.11.2007 2:28 PM PST]

  • 12.11.2007 2:22 PM PDT
  •  | 
  • Fabled Legendary Member
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Posted by: evilcam
Gz, I'd kill the whole world for you




3-19-07

A Grunt walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, What does you's have? I has built up a mighty grunty thirst!" The bartender asked the grunt, "What are you little fella?" Then grunt then replied, "Why, I'm a grunt, I just gots done with my work and I wants drink."

"Grunt, eh?" the bartender said, "think you could teach my wife to do at least that!"

The grunt chuckled, "No thanks, I'd just like food nipple."

The bartender grabs his shotgun and says, "YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE YOU LITTLE BASTARD!"

The grunt never did report back to the fleet.

  • 12.11.2007 2:24 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Talk to the Soul | ~B.B. | Know Your Duardo |  | Hero | ISFJ | 77135 | 94371

"It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me."

Deleted. I did not see the 'no profanity part.'

[Edited on 12.11.2007 6:56 PM PST]

  • 12.11.2007 2:34 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

And the Shadow fell upon the Land, and the World was riven stone from stone. The oceans fled, and the mountains were swallowed up, and the nations were scattered to the eight corners of the World. The moon was blood, and the sun was as ashes. The seas boiled, and the living envied the dead. All was shattered, and all but memory lost, and one memory above all others, of him who brought the Shadow and the Breaking of the World. And him they named Dragon.

Posted by: Duardo
My Halo funny:
I love this!


Aweerrr...?

  • 12.11.2007 2:39 PM PDT

Posted by: jemima
Wow! Finally! [url= http://www.youfail.org]Here[/url] you go... I have to warn you that it isn't worth it. Such a failure this week. I would rather have not had an update at all.


NOTE TO ALL: MY PM INBOX IS BROKEN AND BUNGIE CANNOT FIX IT. SEND MESSAGES TO MY GT.

Or, Email me at gamefreek96@aim.com
^^^Jemima Got PWNED^^^

The scary Prometheus thing told me to use all of Halo player's imagination. But I don't have their imagination, so I used my own, and I imagined I had tacos.

AND LOOK WHAT I HAVE MADE!!

Or This works you have to wait untill the song gets going (about 10 seconds) and you see the funny.

[Edited on 12.11.2007 2:55 PM PST]

  • 12.11.2007 2:51 PM PDT

Halo3Planet, the place for all things Halo 3..

Need help finding skulls, make sure to go here.

Posted by: Duardo
My Halo funny:
I love this!


That was and still is my favorite Halo music video EVER. I used to know every word...

  • 12.11.2007 2:59 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

GT: Greg Is So Hot

Aight I got one.













nipple

  • 12.11.2007 3:28 PM PDT

No.

Here's a shot:

1) Where did Lord Hood keep his armies?

Up his sleevies.
-----------------------------------------------------
2) Why did the Grunt cross the road?

To see his flat mate :(
-----------------------------------------------------
Non-Halo related:
-------------------------
1) Did you hear about the wedding of the two tv antennas?

The wedding was a bust but the reception was great!
------------------------------------------------------
2) Texan: “Where are you from?”
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.”
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?”
------------------------------------------------------
3) The Miami Dolphins.
-------------------------------
Haaaaa...maybe not.

[Edited on 12.11.2007 5:19 PM PST]

  • 12.11.2007 5:17 PM PDT

because if seeing is believing,
then believe that we have lost our eyes

Nevermind. I can't think of anything. Dang.

[Edited on 12.11.2007 5:31 PM PST]

  • 12.11.2007 5:27 PM PDT

  • Pages:
  • 1
  • 2
  • of 2