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  • Subject: The Nerd, from beginning to end.
Subject: The Nerd, from beginning to end.
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This is the nerd story from beginning to end so it's easier to read. Have fun!


So I'm walking down the street one day, and this guy starts following me. At first, I just shrugged it off. Untill, I turned to the street that leads to my house and he continued. I started to grow suspicious. the guy looked about 25, 350 pounds, with a Dungeon and Dragons shirt. He was wearing tight, short pants and a Master Chief helmet. Then I just realized something that chilled me to the bone. He was a nerd . As soon as I got over the shock and horror, I started running. I looked behind me and he yelled "By Merlin's beard I shall smite thee!" He jumped onto a small moped and sped with alarming speed towards me. I'm running as fast as I can and the nerd keeps gaining on me. Finally, I thought "This is enough". The nerd's moped motor got louder and louder and I just stood there. Suddenly, I threw off my backpack and pulled a couple of 50 cal. desert eagles out of it. Just as the nerd saw me do this, he pulled a giant 30 sided dice out of his pocket, pulled the pin, and let it fly. I dived for my life behind someone's car. The grenade bounced off the neighbor's porch and landed next to the door. The door opened and the annoying little kid that bothers everyone pick it up with glee. "Mommy mommy! Look what I fo-.." BANG!!!!! The grenade detonated and blew part of the house into in the street. The nerd didn't have time to stop the moped and crashed into the burning reckage. Finally, it's overI thought and I'm still alive. I get up and look at the burning house. Suddenly, the burning timber and glass start to stur. I look on in awe as the nerd rose from the burning debris, virtually unscathed. He points to me and says, " I shall cast your soul into Hades! Alloc, Toca, Cantolincea! . Light shoots from his fingers andthe blinding rays of light hit the car I was hiding behind. I ducked and rolled out of the way just in time, as I got back up I fired 6 rounds into his chest. It didn't work! They just bounced off as he laughed maniacally and chanted the spell again. The beams of light shot again and a threw an old lady that was walking along to sidewalk into them just in time. There was a burst of flame, and there was no more old lady. I ran to the nearest car and jacked it. The only way I had time for this was because the nerd had drained most of his magic power and need to take a 2+ potion to heel himelf. I drove away after hot wiring this sweet corvette. I drove to the nearest gun store while calling the police on my cell. "911 what is your emergency?" I just got attacked by a nerd!" I yelled. "Oh dear god, Bill, call alert 5. Just do it, damn it! Sorry, where were you attacked? "The neighborhoodm duh!" I responded. "We'll get swat over there as fast as possible." The line hung up. The swat team wold only hold off this horror for only so long, but it would give me enought time to get a secret weapon.

Alas, the nerd would not give up so easily. Upon hearing the giveaway sirens, he instantly whipped out a transmitting device - and in a few commands, accessed his private computer terminal deep in the Nevada desert. With a cackle and a incomprehensible nerd call, he unleashed a deadly Hoiven Mk 77Bd903285JGD-09ff Virus upon the SWAT mobiles, which were instantly eradicated in a mass of flame.

I arrived at the gun store just as a huge explosion went off in the distance. "That's not good" I said, and rushed with renewed energy into the store. The clerck looked at me with an expression fo awe. "What happened to you boy?" "No time to talk, give me a flamethrower and an M16 with a grenade launcher." I responded. "Dows' be illegal boy!"
"I don't care, hand'em over or eat lead." "No!" the clerck said. "So be it." Bang, I shot him and his head popped like a balloon, confetty flew all over the room. I didn't take time to figure how the hell that happened and just took the weapons and ammo. As I walked out to the street, I saw a grandma. "This might come in handy." I remarked. I picked her up and threw her in the back seat with the rest of the weapons. "Where are you taking me sonny?" she said. "To be sacrificed in front of a nerd's powerful spell." I said. "Oh, that sounds lovely." I got in the car and sped towards the loud screams and explosions in the distance. stopped the car and got out with M16 in hand and surveyied the destruction. The house lay in ruins, and the nerd was just standing there, as if waiting for me to come back. Swat team police men's bodies lay all over the place. Luckily, I brought a health +8 potion with me to revive them all. I healed them, and walked toward the snickering lard ball of doom. "So, you've come back to face my evil wrath? You stand no chance against the great, Bill! " He yelled. "It's time to rid the earth of your presence, nerd. No one wants you here except you mom. And I'm sorry, but that's not going to stop me from killing you."I shouted defiantly. " A challenge eh? No one dare challenge the great Bill! Aderon, criptonier Tufal! " Right on the spot he summoned the demon that goes by the name of Star Wars Kid. He a broom handle in his hands, and knew how to use it. "Attack the nonbeliever!" The insane nerd yelled. Star Wars kid rushed me, making cool sound effects as he waved his Broom Saber. "Vewoo Vowwow. Voom SHvooom" he shouted. I leveled the M16 at his chest and fire a 3 round burst. He kept coming. I continued to fire until the clip was empty. Star Wars kid lay in the road, bullet holes all over his body. Then, his body started to larger and larger, and inflated like a balloon. He became as big as the road and blocked my view of the angry nerd. POP!! He exploded, and just like the gun store clerk, conffety rained the area. Before the nerd could react, I whipped out the granny and threw her at him. She hit the nerd and exploded with the force of a nuclear bomb. The city was leveled and I only escaped because I rock.

THE END!





  • 12.30.2004 3:30 PM PDT
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*starts clapping slowly* that was beautiful.

  • 12.30.2004 3:40 PM PDT
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That ruled. 5 out of 5 Food Nipples

  • 12.30.2004 3:43 PM PDT
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You get a cookie.

  • 12.30.2004 3:52 PM PDT

greatest post i`ve read in a while!!!!

  • 12.30.2004 3:59 PM PDT
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The United States of America-- STILL more rights than North Korea!
--New official U.S. motto.

Cronin's Law----The New Flood Drinking Game

I'm so confused...

  • 12.30.2004 4:22 PM PDT