- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Here are a few things to say when your pick up the phone to a telemarketer....
1) Interrupt them and demand to know how they got this number. Before they can reply, tell them to be quiet and tell them that federal agents are en route to their location, and to follow your instructions to the letter if they don't want to get shot. Tell them to shut down their computer and all other devices in their office, hang up and unplug the phone and kneel down in the middle of the room. They are then to cross their ankles and place their hands on their heads until the agents arrive. Then hang up.
2) "That offer sounds great. Is it dischargeable in bankruptcy?" or "Do you accept welfare checks?"
3) Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
4) "Caller number nine your on the air. What would you like to hear?"
5)"I am so glad you called, I just finished some poetry that I wanted to try out. I will be glad to listen to you if you'll listen to my poem."
"Sometimes, in life, that if you try, as you will and have before, you may be..." Fill in the rest nonsense for about a minute; then stop. When the telemarketer starts to talk, cut him off and start rambling for another few minutes. Continue this as many times as is necessary until he hangs up.
If he is persisitent, ask: "Did you like the poem?"
If he says yes, ask which part he liked best. Demand specifics and comment on the emotional angst and juxtaposition of the part in question.