Off Topic: The Flood
This topic has moved here: Subject: post ur jokes HERE (caps lock 2 get ur attention)
  • Subject: post ur jokes HERE (caps lock 2 get ur attention)
  • Pages:
  • 1
  • 2
  • of 2
Subject: post ur jokes HERE (caps lock 2 get ur attention)
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

heres the worst joke eva
Q::wats green and wiped out a whole covinent armarda?
A:: ur mums steak pie




now laugh...LAUGH!!!

  • 01.03.2005 8:06 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Q: Who is dumd?
A: Jophus1!

  • 01.03.2005 8:10 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Posted by: HazUK1
now laugh...LAUGH!!!


Never! whats hard and pink when you put it in, then soft and wet when you take it out?











Bubble gum! (what was you thinking?!)

  • 01.03.2005 8:11 AM PDT

Why doesn't Michael Barrymore have any ashtrays in his house?







Sorry, not suitable for this forum ;-)

  • 01.03.2005 8:13 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

micheal jackson is on a plane with lots of children. Suddenly the captain bursts through the door.

Continuing Micheal Barrymore Joke: Because he puts out all his f@gs in his pool


Captain: Micheal Micheal! The plane is going to crash in a few minutes and they're only two parachutes.
Micheal: But what about the children??!!
Captian: There are only two parachutes! -blam!- the children!
Micheal: But They'res not enough time!

[Edited on 1/3/2005 8:14:53 AM]

  • 01.03.2005 8:14 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

What does Michael Jackson like about twenty-eight year olds?


There's 20 of 'em.




  • 01.03.2005 8:18 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Posted by: ThePinkElite
micheal jackson is on a plane with lots of children. Suddenly the captain bursts through the door.

Continuing Micheal Barrymore Joke: Because he puts out all his f@gs in his pool


Captain: Micheal Micheal! The plane is going to crash in a few minutes and they're only two parachutes.
Micheal: But what about the children??!!
Captian: There are only two parachutes! -blam!- the children!
Micheal: But They'res not enough time!


XD

  • 01.03.2005 8:20 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

nice!

  • 01.03.2005 8:20 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

wat does michal jackson and santa have in common

little children sit on there laps

  • 01.03.2005 8:21 AM PDT

Sticking to the current theme:

Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
He heard boys' pants were half-off!

When is it bed time at Michael Jackson’s house?
When the big hand is on the little hand!

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
One is plastic and harmful to children, the other is used to carry groceries.

  • 01.03.2005 8:22 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

wat does michal jackson and santa have in common

they both leave little childrens rooms with empty sacks

Hahahaha...

  • 01.03.2005 8:24 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

..........I didnt start this.

  • 01.03.2005 8:25 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

A student at an English university, by name of Donald MacDonald from the scottland, who was living in the hall of residence in his first year there. After he had been there for a month, his mother came to visit, no doubt carrying reinforcements of oatmeal. "And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked. "Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible noisy people! The one on that side keeps banging his head against the wall, and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams and screams away into the night!" "Oh, Donald! How ever do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbours?" "Mother, I do nothing, I just ignore them! I just stay here quietly playing my bagpipes!"

[Edited on 1/3/2005 8:38:50 AM]

  • 01.03.2005 8:37 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their way in at the gate. Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a stern refusal.

While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said, "Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted.

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said, "McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted.

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing."

  • 01.03.2005 8:43 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Okay. A physics professor, an inventor, and a computer whiz are riding down the street in a car. Suddenly, the car breaks down. They sit there for a moment in silence an then the physics professor speaks: "If we take r to be the car, and and x to be the road, then we can determ---" but the inventor cuts him off: "Wait, wait, wait. That's too complicated. What we should do is make a new carborator out of the seat cushions, the wire, and this gum I'm chewing. All we have to do is tak--" Now the computer whiz breaks in: "Hey, guys. Why don't we just turn the car off, open the doors, get out, and wait a little while, then see if the probelms fixed?'

  • 01.03.2005 9:03 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

A monkey, an Astrophysicist and a Mechanic walk into a bar....

  • 01.03.2005 9:28 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

You would of thought one of them had seen it.

  • 01.03.2005 11:36 AM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

why did Bin Laden stop having sex?














Every time he opened the womens legs, he saw bush.

  • 01.03.2005 1:49 PM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

How do you get a pikachu on a bus?







Ya poke-em-on!!!!

  • 01.03.2005 1:50 PM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

A silly one :
Its green , sits in the pond , is an amfibian and it aint a frog ...?







It do is a frog !!!

  • 01.03.2005 2:03 PM PDT

Now the computer whiz breaks in: "Hey, guys. Why don't we just turn the car off, open the doors, get out, and wait a little while, then see if the probelms fixed?'
Sounds like the argument between General Motors and Billy G:

Bill Gates: If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has,
we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.

General Motors: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft; we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have
to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it,
and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to
shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT", but then
you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times
as fast and twice as easy to drive-but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced
by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.

9. The airbag system would ask, "are you sure?" before deploying.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let
you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold
of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally
road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them.
Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to
diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation
by the Justice Dept.

12. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all
over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

  • 01.03.2005 2:27 PM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Posted by: goweb
Now the computer whiz breaks in: "Hey, guys. Why don't we just turn the car off, open the doors, get out, and wait a little while, then see if the probelms fixed?'
Sounds like the argument between General Motors and Billy G:

Bill Gates: If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has,
we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.

General Motors: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft; we would all be driving
cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have
to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it,
and reopen the windows before you could continue.
For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to
shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT", but then
you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times
as fast and twice as easy to drive-but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced
by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt.

9. The airbag system would ask, "are you sure?" before deploying.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let
you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold
of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally
road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them.
Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to
diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation
by the Justice Dept.

12. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all
over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.


I can't believe there's no bit about Linux elitism in there.

  • 01.03.2005 2:30 PM PDT

It was a cold day near the southern base in Blood Gulch. Cortana and I were relaxing over a game of Go Fish, WHEN OUT OF NO WHERE 700 BANSHEES CAME FLYING IN!!! I GRABED MY SPARTAN LASER AND LET HELL REIGN DOWN UPON THEM. I HOPPED IN THE NEAREST WARTHOG AND TOLD CORTANA TO GET IN.

Hahaha... I have that to email that to my dad. He hates Windows.

  • 01.03.2005 2:38 PM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

You can't get my soul or anyone else's. So don't even try. Because it's a rule.

also..why are there no walmarts in afghanistan/
they are all targets..lol

yes i know not funy..but go to the site..it is funny..lol

[Edited on 1/3/2005 3:01:53 PM by goweb]

  • 01.03.2005 2:58 PM PDT
  • gamertag:
  • user homepage:
  • last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT

Move along, nothing to see here.

[Edited on 1/3/2005 4:00:25 PM]

  • 01.03.2005 3:13 PM PDT

  • Pages:
  • 1
  • 2
  • of 2