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Subject: A treatise on the use and proper application of the "Reply&quo...

The Most Obvious Use for the "X" Button

MALSH

Dude, Pimps at Sea is like Halo, going 30 knots in a harbour, being chased by clippers and Man-o-war. And the Man-o-war are firing.

A treatise on the use and proper application of the "Reply" Button.


Welcome, I understand that a great deal of people do not fully understand the correct use of the "Reply" button. To Rectify this incredible ignorance of the appropriate
compression and release of the left mouse button upon the Reply Button on-screen, I will detail, in detail, the intricate details of the process one should undertake before,
during, and after pressing (or not pressing as the case may be) the Reply button. Primarily, I will cover the mechanical operation of the Reply button, before expanding upon
the thought processes and planning required to use it to the utmost of its potential.



History of the Reply Button:

The Reply Button, originally based upon the concept of "Replying" to a human being in conversation, originated with the first use of the Telegraph machine. Ancient humans
who wished to communicate over vast distances would employ devises connected to wired networks that repeatedly closed an electric circuit and opened it again. The closed
circuit created a shrill tone which was emulated by the opposite human telegraph operator's machinery. Opening the circuit would in turn stop the shrill tone.

In this manner, Humans were able to formulate methods of exchanging information by opening and closing the circuit rapidly, creating a sound effect equivilent to a "beep."
By modulating the time that the circuit was closed, a code was formed based on longer or shorter "beeps." The resulting cacophony, as the layman observing it would see it as,
meant that telegraph operators were primarily solitary self-employed businessmen, hiring their equipment out to anyone who needed to communicate with another human
being across the void left by the absense of the internet, telephones, and high speed automobiles.

But the very act of communicating implies an exchange of information. Allow me to elaborate by breaking the word "Communicating" down into its root words:

"Co-", as in, together, such as "Cooperate," "Co-eds," and "Coaxicoatil." This indicates that the action takes place between two or more people.

"-mmun-" [indeciferable, likely a remnant of earlier communication, when the complete idea was too awkward to pronounce or use in day-to-day conversation]

"-icating-, as in, "Internet Chatting." This is a form of communicating over internet relay, of which telegraphs were a precursor.

In Layman's terms: When one person talks to another, no exchange of ideas can take place if the other person does not reciprocate, and provide a return of information. This
required the Telegraph operator to "Reply" to the original message. This was accomplished by pressing down on the telegraph machine's lever, and releasing it again to close
and open the curcuit, just as the original message operator did. The Reply, thus communicated, was recieved by the original sender.

This is the earliest known implementation of a mechanical means being used to send an electronic Reply.



The Modern Reply Button

The Reply Button in use on Bungie.net bears very little resemblance to the early Telegraph system. Instead of a metal level and contact bolted to a piece of wood, we instead
have an image embedded into a web document that is interpreted by the computer viewing it, and displayed on a monitor by projecting visible light to be in turn interpreted
by the human eye (The Eye is a roughly spherical organ in the human body, located in front and upper portion of the head).

The light interpreted by the human eye is transferred to the brain by a series of tubes, and there interpreted as a box shape, which is further understood to be Grey, and bear
the word "Reply" in a lighter grey coloured font (A word is a component of language, and is typically displayed graphically as a combination of letters, or characters [This is
not the case in all languages, as several languages use a single symbol or character to represent a word, and others so not have a written equivilent]). This Button, when used,
allows the Forum Member to type a reply to the original poster of a topic, or to another forum member replying to said topic.



Use of the Reply Button

To Use the Reply Button, one must "click" on it. This is accomplished by moving your hand, and thus the mouse (an interface devise that tracks motion to move a related
pointer, the "Cursor," on the computer screen. The Cursor is typically represented as a white arrow with a black border. An Arrow is typically a rectangular shape, with a
triangular protrusion on the end.

When the mouse is manouvered into position over the Reply button, the graphical representation of the button will change colour to a Blue Rectangle with a Darker Blue fill,
and a Lighter blue word "Reply", in place of the previous Grey version. This is a graphical indication that the button performs an action. In this case, the action expected is
"Clicking" on the now highlighted button.



Clicking the mouse button

To click the mouse button, one must position their index finger over the left-most button on the mouse, and exert a force "down" relative to the surface of the mouse button.
This will in turn cause the button to move down, and close a circuit, sending a message to the computer much like the ancient telegraph operator would. The Computer then
interprets this as the afore-mentioned "Click."



Consequences of pressing the "Reply Button"

Pressing the Reply button causes a signal to be sent to the web server requesting a response to instruct the web browser what to display to the user. The instruction is returned,
displaying a Reply Dialogue. This is where the reply is to be formulated by the user from the thought in his mind, through the Keyboard input device (a keyboard is a plastic
input devise that uses a series of buttons representing characters or letters, and communicates them to the computer to display in the text field).



Thought Processes to employ prior to operation of the Reply Button

Primarily, one should consider the topic you are replying to, and its content, then formulate an opinion of it. Following this, you would ideally formulate a reply based upon

this input.

Other items to consider include: Appropriateness of Topic, Usefulness of Topic, and ideas along these lines. For example, if the topic is utterly Stupid, it will likely be

entertaining to provide a similarly utterly stupid reply, or criticise the user's grammar (Case in point: This topic, which has neither been fully thought-out, nor proofread, at

10:00 at night).

Secondly, one should begin to instruct your hand to manouver the mouse to the reply button, then to subsequently press it.



Thought Processes to employ while pressing the Reply Button

You will likely note the clicking noise of the mechanical apparatus in the mouse, as well as a possible clicking noise issued by the computer, depending upon your personal

settings. Furthermore, you may notice the graphical effect of clicking.



Thought Process to employ after clicking the Reply Button.

You should now begin to instruct your hand to begin typing your response to the topic.

Your Response will vary widely depending upon the topic, but some key points to remember include:
When Criticising Grammar, you should be absolutely sure to make no grammatical or spelling errors whatsoever in your reply. Otherwise, you may face harse reprisals from

fellow forum-goers (Conversly, this is the topic, so there is no need to be perfect, as plenty of people will helpfully flame the creator and point out his numerous mistakes).
When Being Stupid, one should endeavour to do so as entertainingly as possible (This thread is a prime example of how to implement this rather poorly).
Asshattery should be avoided (such as it has not been in this topic).



Uses the Reply button is not appropriate for

The Reply button, while appropriate for replying, is not appropriate for other actions, including but not limited to:

Procreation.
Nutrition.
Sanity.
Reality.
Nuclear Warfare.
Chemical Warfare.
Animation.
Perambulation.
Excretion.



This concludes my Treatise concerning the proper use and function of the Reply button. I hope that this has been a great help to absolutely no one. If this thread does not

sufficiently clarify the issues, I may consider appending it with Diagrams and instructional animations or videos.

This Treatise was created using Essay ruleset 4.5b, which icludes the increased tangent modifier, and allows a bonus of +10 to Bullcrap, with no provision for proofreading.

  • 02.19.2008 10:16 PM PDT