- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Dear Halo Director Guy:
People who play Halo get a huge amount of enjoyment out of it; it is a game that brings people together, regardless of creed, color, or religion. This is probably because they can't see each other. However, Halo is indeed sending the wrong message not only to the children of America, not only to the children of the world, but to many children who have not been born yet, and perhaps never will be.
In the beginning of time, there existed men who lived in caves. Our brilliant scientific minds have given them the moniker "Cavemen." Back in the old prehistoric day, it was obvious what each day's main focus was: not dying. I'm sure it had to be fun, waking up and having to choose between either A) going after some freaky looking elephant thing with tusks larger than your body and trying to stab it with a sharp rock on the end of a stick; or B) eating pine needles that you gathered because you were too scared\halfway intelligent to attempt such idiocy.
As time went on, and the human mind progressed beyond that of a trained monkey, people were able to come up with inventions and ideas that helped to not only increase leisure time, but make staying alive a secondary concern. For example, diseases were conquered with the development of vaccines and antibiotics. Simple plastics were turned into bulletproof vests that allowed hip-hop artists to keep it real without being shot really a lot. Last but not least, the invention of television (and the need to see yourself on it, no matter the reason) led people to go to absurd lengths to get airtime (everything from jumping off a roof to stapling their genitals to...things) despite the inherent danger to their lives and future child-bearing opportunities.
However, the game of Halo, released in 2001, was truly the beginning of a scary trend in our society. Halo was a game that fell under the umbrella of a First-Person Shooter. The object of the game was to use several weapons in order to attack and ultimately attempt to kill (!) a fellow player. Here is where the scary part comes in, though: After a character is killed, they simply "respawn" after a set amount of time...in essence, they return to life. What's the problem there, you ask?
It's simple...the children of today obviously lack the brainpower to comprehend that Halo is only a game, and that if you killed someone in real life, they would indeed not respawn, but would in fact continue to be dead.
I'm sure we have all heard the stories, or seen the headlines in many newspapers.
YOUTH KILLS CLASSROOM FULL OF KIDS WITH ROCKET LAUNCHER; BECOMES CONFUSED
Our kids nowadays are too hopped up on that MTV and malt liquor, and have lost their respect for the sanctity of being alive. The popularity of Halo and its sequel have caused the unchecked slaughter of thousands by the simple-minded youth of today. We demand that the programmers, directors, sound composers, voice actors, and janitors at the Bungie studios come forward to be burned at the stake for their crimes against humanity.
Be warned that we have many well-paid lawyers, and suing your ass is not out of the question, nor something we would not enjoy doing. Very much.
Gracias.
Sincerely,
Fathers Against Gaming Society