- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Chuck Norris lives by only one rule: No Fat Chicks.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris is the only person to count to infinity... twice.
Cars don't hit Chuck Norris they get hit by Chuck Norris
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Chuck Norris.
There are four legal methods of execution in the United States: lethal injection, gas chamber, electric chair and Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Some people say that Chuck Norris is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. Nobody fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. Now they're just the Islands.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the *blam!* he wants.
Chuck Norris is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Norris claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his *blam!*
.If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's *blam!* beef.