- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Posted by: Konoka_chan
It was -20 outside last night. I think I have hypothermia.
Taken from a middle of the night convo. I really do plan on hitting him when he gets back.
clarkman: how much do hotels charge for broadband access?
konoka: that's not the kind of question i'm experienced in
clarkman: i hope its not too much, otherwise i'll be skipping checkout when i leave
konoka: lol
konoka: you'll become a fugitive and run from the law?
clarkman: i've always been interested in the seedy underbelly of society
clarkman: maybe it'll give me an idea for a book
konoka: you have too many as it is
konoka: i've seen your notebook
clarkman: did you see the drawings?
clarkman: i drew a cat near the end, very cool
konoka: lol, i must have missed it
konoka: people seem to like these conversations
clarkman: 'people' being me and you?
konoka: others
clarkman: is there an exhibition i missed?
konoka: yes, funniest online convo's
konoka: we placed 3rd overall and i won a trip to the bahamas
clarkman: i hear there's moose down there, or is it, up there?
konoka: moose in the bahama's?
clarkman: they're big enough to swallow a man whole
konoka: well great, guess i can't go now
clarkman: give me the ticket!
konoka: give me the map!
clarkman: give me the jade monkey!
konoka: give me the emerald!
clarkman: NOOOOOOOOO!
konoka: you fool! you'll kill us all!
clarkman: if people like these things, maybe this is the format i should use from now on for writing
konoka: do it and your dead
clarkman: i'm impervious to your flirting techniques
konoka: you talked to katie earlier
clarkman: i still love you the best
konoka: lol, she told me that you said i was a stegasaurus
clarkman: the hard outter shell and tail threw me off
konoka: the tail was surgically removed when i was a kid, so that when i wore a two-piece at the beach people wouldn't stare
clarkman: the operation failed, you died on the table
clarkman: the past 12 years have actually been a dream
konoka: so what does that make you?
clarkman: the hot stud you dreamed up to be your lover
konoka: i always knew i had a poor imagination
clarkman: i recoiled as if i were struck
konoka: good, that's for the dinosaur reference
clarkman: she didn't believe me did she?
clarkman: i was imagining scenarios where she attempts to capture you and send you to a museum for money
konoka: apart from trying to throw a net on top of me and clubbing the back of my head with a metal bar, then no, she didn't
clarkman: thank goodness
clarkman: do you know what day is coming?
konoka: bingleberry?
clarkman: close
clarkman: its a certain someone's birthday, a person i like to call tatogo
clarkman: but in reality her name is stacey
clarkman: otherwise known as you
konoka: my birthday is always a sad day
clarkman: quiet tatogo!
konoka: all my friends get together for a party, and i start wondering how i can call these people my friends
clarkman: haha
clarkman: wait a sec
clarkman: i went to your last party!
konoka: lol
konoka: you were also the only person who looked to have as little fun as i did
clarkman: parties and me don't mix
clarkman: much like shake n' bake
clarkman: you have to stuff me in a plastic bag and rigorously shake my prison until i am liberally coated with seasoning before i'm ready
konoka: there's an analogy in there somewhere but i just can't see it
clarkman: tatogo, what do you want?
clarkman: gift-wise
konoka: anything
clarkman: 'anything' is the hardest to get
konoka: smart-ass!
clarkman: tatogo is upset
konoka: enough with this tatogo garbage
konoka: the last time you gave me a stupid nickname it caught on
konoka: and no one relented for weeks
clarkman: eh? what was the name?
konoka: i'm not going to say, hopefully its buried in your memory forever
clarkman: ha, i'll rememeber eventually, and then you'll be sorry
konoka: i allready am
clarkman: how about a G.I Joe?
konoka: a what?
clarkman: for your birthday, you want a G.I Joe right?
clarkman: so you can defend the united states soil from evil terrorists?
konoka: that's right
clarkman: there was a cartoon made of Joe, i used to watch it and pretend i was a soldier
konoka: this coming from a known pacifist
clarkman: i was a tyrannical warlord in my youth
clarkman: subjugating lower classes to the pains of my corrupt soul
clarkman: it wasn't until G.I Joe showed me the light that I relented from my dark path
konoka: a G.I Joe would be a step up from last year's gift
clarkman: did i give you an open-mouth kiss?
konoka: in your dreams
clarkman: it must have been. you were wearing a king kong outfit, which brought forth my repressed -blam!- urges
konoka: again with the monkey fetish
clarkman: my first session starts friday, bear with it till then
konoka: i'll try
clarkman: i remember now
konoka: not my nickname
clarkman: no, the gift i gave you!
clarkman: you told me not to get you anything, but being the suave customer i am, i took that to mean you wanted lavish gifts
konoka: giving me a book on male sex problems and solutions is not a lavish gift
clarkman: haha
clarkman: i still remember the look on your face
konoka: i was surprised you idiot, and you gave it to me in front of everyone
clarkman: you were blushing from embarrasment, timidly tearing at my expert wrapping job, wondering what kind of romantic item i'd purchased for you
konoka: i seem to recall an excessive amount of tape used
clarkman: *expert* job
konoka: my apologies
clarkman: after the shock wore off you were pretty embarrased
konoka: my parents were there
clarkman: that's right isn't it? your dad wasn't a happy camper
konoka: neither was i!
clarkman: still, throwing it back at me? i had a bruise on my cheek for a week
konoka: joke gifts only work if they're done subtely
konoka: you were hanging around my house so much that my parents were thinking ill thoughts, then you went and vindicated it by giving me the book
clarkman: your dad said he wanted to 'chat' with me
konoka: he probably would have killed you
clarkman: i would have died knowing i made a difference
konoka: not a good one though
clarkman: true
konoka: so yes, G.I Joe would be much better than another book
clarkman: what if i stripped him and froze his body in provacotive poses?
konoka: still better
clarkman: interesting
clarkman: your turning 27 right? time to settle down and find a husband before its too late
konoka: yes, i just graduated high school at the tender age of 27
konoka: 18 you putz
clarkman: what is a putz? some kind of scavenger
konoka: i think i saw one on the discovery channel before
clarkman: i thought you only watched the playboy channel?
konoka: i'm keeping notes on how many times i have to slap you when you get back
clarkman: i'm looking forward to it
clarkman: 18 though, that's a big year
clarkman: now when you dive into your younger man fetish you can be charged
konoka: lol, your the one that's got the lolicon action going on
clarkman: my virtue is pure
konoka: purely tainted
clarkman: touche
clarkman: so what kind of birthday bash this year?
clarkman: booze? smoking? drugs? male strippers?
konoka: all of the above
konoka: actually you and your stupid talks about, 'my body is a temple' have destroyed most of my desire to kick off my 18th year by drinking
clarkman: Jacob ~ Destroying dreams since 1986
konoka: lol
konoka: you'll be back in time right?
konoka: someone else has to be miserable right next to me during the impromptu party jess and nicole are planning
clarkman: probably
clarkman: maybe i can time it right and crash the party in style, jet lagged and all the like
konoka: if you fall asleep at the party, i can't vouch for your safety amongst the drunkards.
clarkman: they'll claim me in the name of france?
konoka: more like ruin that pure virtue you spoke of before
clarkman: i fibbed
clarkman: so the 'my body is a temple' talks really worked?
konoka: like a charm, nothing toxic shall ever pass my lips
clarkman: except when you go to work at that sex call center right?
konoka: 23
clarkman: what's that?
konoka: how many times i plan on hitting you
clarkman: be kind, i'll get you a Navy Seal action figure as well
konoka: all right then
konoka: its freezing in this house
konoka: i'm off to find dexter the obese cat and get him to warm me up
clarkman: i rolled him off your bed once, and he landed on his back
clarkman: therefore confirming my fears that he is in fact not a cat, and is simply a large ball of fur wrapped around a tiny vaccum that sounds like purring
konoka: 24, one for dexter
clarkman: its only a one foot drop!
clarkman: he survived the first three attempts on his feet alright, but the fourth threw off his balance
konoka: your digging yourself deeper
clarkman: alright alright
clarkman: go find dexter
clarkman: and have a good night sinbad
konoka: your a goner!
clarkman: haaha
clarkman: my memory prevails!
For those wondering, this is the book that i found underneath the bad wrapping job, whilst surrounded by my parents, sister, and 20 other friends.
Amazing. Clark is a genius!!!
I loved the part about the cat, where Clark says "he survived the first three attempts on his feet alright, but the fourth threw off his balance."
Again, I have been saved from complete insanity!! Thanks Konoka!