- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Posted by: Mnementh
This is a fantastic fanficion, in my opinion. While I am a noob on these forums, and my word probably does not carry much weight, I read enough to recognize superb writing when I see it. I really will be surprised if you don't become a writer, assumig you aren't one alreaady.
Although the only thing I can say is that I noticed the Gravemind speaks in Iambic Septameter, a pattern of seven iambs. (An iamb is a pattern of stressed, then unstressed syllables.) I'll demonstrate with his comment comparing the MC and the Arbiter. Caps is a stressed syllable, lowercase is an unstressed.
THIS one IS maCHINE and NERVE, and HAS his MIND conCLUDed.
THIS one IS but FLESH and FAITH and IS the MORE deLUDed.
If you count the repetioion of the stressed-unstressed pattern, you will notice there are seven in each line.
And it occasionally breaks down in certain lines, but still retains it's general rhythm. So while I realize it may be too late to edit all of that, and is probably too much trouble, I just wanted to point that out.
Other than that, haven't seen anything worth noting as far as mistakes go. Then again, I'm still on the first few chapters, but judging by the quality of the writing, I should not see too many mistakes.
Anyway, I hope this is seen as constructive criticism, as opposed to nitpicking over minor details.
-Mnementh
Yup Gravemind is a very cultured zombie isnt he. Great story Clark I love it, keep it going.