- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Wow, this is really good stuff, by any standards. You have a few grammatical mistakes and a handful of awkward sounding sentances, but it's nothing serious. I know you must be sick to death of being compared to sir_brilliant, who seems to be the big man on campus right now, but I have to say this is much more engrossing, much more mature-sounding, more high minded, and has a much more feasible plot. I could definitely see the plot for H3 going down something like this. For the life of me, I can't see why you haven't garnered the same cult following he has. Oh well, maybe that's for the best, as you seem to be much more humble and more receptive than your (dare I say it?) rival. Don't get me wrong, I'm not flaing the guy, just my take on the fanfic "scene".
Anyways, here are a few thoughts:
1. While it's perfectly fine not to include the other Spartans, to say they all died is not only unnecasary, it goes against the canon. Rather, you should at least acknowledge they're alive.
2. I love how you threw in the an ILB character. Perhaps more will follow? You should really try to get out Jan's distinct personality.
3. Ok, somewhere down the line you have to have some kind of new weapon unveiled. I was thinking, since Cortana gained all that tech from the Covie cruiser in First Strike, how sweet would it be if some of it was implemented on human ships? Say, maybe, that scalpel-like plasma beam she created was already being tested by ONI, and makes a late appearence in the battle? Just a thought...
hmmm....That should be it for now. I know I had something else to say, but in my infinite wisdom I seem to have forgotten.
Oh, and GO PATS!
[Edited on 2/5/2005 3:25:50 PM]