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  • Subject: Halo Fanfic: The End of a War
Subject: Halo Fanfic: The End of a War
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it was ok clark, still better than my so called best works, and if you people dont believe me check it out in my sig (its not to horrible :P) but i liked it pretty much, i can tell that 3 will finish it off really well, keep it up clark, yayah new page!!

[Edited on 3/19/2005 11:03:50 PM]

  • 03.19.2005 11:02 PM PDT
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What utter brilliance this is... simply superb, sublime. You are a gifted writer Mr. Clark.

Oh, and instead of buying your books at a discounted price that you will do your best to offer us, I’ll be damn glad to buy them for double the price and even more. You can bet on that!

Thank you for this fabulous piece of writing and many more that you’ve composed. Much is appreciated and it is a small privilege to have had the chance of reading through them.

Excellent stuff!

  • 03.19.2005 11:17 PM PDT
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While the new chapters not your best, its certainly head above shoulders of all the other fics (no offense everybody else!).

One of the problems people probably had was that Naslum wasn't very much of a sympathetic character as Forlumee proved to be in Chapter 12. The insight into the Hunters was nice, a nice addition to the story.

You said Chapter 13 will be the Age of Doubt? That should definitely prove interesting.

  • 03.19.2005 11:52 PM PDT
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I liked the chapter, but I know the real reason why most people feel its not that good.

I'm certain that I am not the only one here that re-read Chapter 12 a couple of times. The scenery, central character, plot, all of it was just so splendidly done that it would be impossible for you to top it. There was nowhere to go with Chapter 13 but down. If you had gone up somehow in pure artistic beauty, I would have to say that you are some kind of diety, capable of putting pure lore down onto paper.

Don't let some of the comments about Chapter 13 not being as great as the others get you down Mr. Clark. Every story has it's high and low points. Granted this is the first and only low point of the story, but its more of a tiny dip in the grand scheme of things, and I have a gut feeling that Chapter 14 is going to bring you right back around so everybodies jaws are once again slammed to the ground with awe.

Keep up the good work, and once your done with this story, I will be sending a message to everybody and anybody I can find on this site that works for Bungie, and telling them that if they need a writer to write a novelized version of Halo 2 the game (I imagine Nylund's gonna be continuing his storyline if indeed there will be). I could think of no one better suited for the job.

Once that's done, I will devote myself to becoming an avid fan of yours, and snatching up any and all future novels that you may write.

Sorry to babble, but I feel strongly about your writing abilities, and I want you to know that you should never doubt yourself when it comes to them.

  • 03.20.2005 12:32 AM PDT
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Posted by: Konoka_chan
While the new chapters not your best, its certainly head above shoulders of all the other fics (no offense everybody else!).

One of the problems people probably had was that Naslum wasn't very much of a sympathetic character as Forlumee proved to be in Chapter 12. The insight into the Hunters was nice, a nice addition to the story.

You said Chapter 13 will be the Age of Doubt? That should definitely prove interesting.


I agree, Konoka Chan.
Nobody, well, maybe a very skilled writer, could get close to this.
This chapter might not have been one of your best, but the use of English matches the other English books that I have read so far (Lord of the Rings, Eragon).
I think you lie about who you are Mr_C.
You are not just A Canadian.
You are THE Mr_Clark.

[Edited on 3/20/2005 4:44:31 AM]

  • 03.20.2005 12:42 AM PDT
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Posted by: Scorptank
Posted by: Konoka_chan
While the new chapters not your best, its certainly head above shoulders of all the other fics (no offense everybody else!).

One of the problems people probably had was that Naslum wasn't very much of a sympathetic character as Forlumee proved to be in Chapter 12. The insight into the Hunters was nice, a nice addition to the story.

You said Chapter 13 will be the Age of Doubt? That should definitely prove interesting.


I agree, Konoka Chan.
Nobody, well, maybe a very skilled writer, could get close to this.
This chapter might not have been one of your best, but the use of English matches the other English books that I have read so far (Lord of the Rings, Eragon).
I think you lie about who you are Mr_C.
You are not just A Canadian.
You are Mr_Clark.


lol i agree soo mr c have you left kelly completly behind now so that you could move onto good writing?

  • 03.20.2005 4:12 AM PDT
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The peak inside the hunters noggin was a really nice touch. I loved that in the Halo books when they got in Yip Yaps grape.
Another great chapter, thanks again for the PM. Looking forward to your future chapters.

  • 03.20.2005 6:36 AM PDT
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i didn't like this one as much as the other one but only because it didn't have as much info about the covenant history. But other then that great job Mr. Clark and keep it up.

  • 03.20.2005 7:03 AM PDT
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After a crappy weekend doing nothing, i come online and what do i get? an outstanding peice of literature. Chapter 13 rocked! and in my humble opinion it was better than the previous chapter. why? simply because it added new depth to the flood, forerunners and other installations.i can not praise you enough, that truly rocked. seriously do not forget about all us when you are discussing film rights to your next big novel. seriously i f bungie need a new novelist you are IT!!!! roll on chapter 14......

  • 03.20.2005 7:12 AM PDT
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well i can't wait for the next chapter

  • 03.20.2005 8:23 AM PDT
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*smacks himself*

I forgot to make a little note after the end of Chapter 13, that would probably have cleared up a few things that may have seemed odd.

I've taken the road of adopting the Halo Library's description of how an Elite's name is structured. I'll just post the bit the site has on it here so everyone can read it.

Because names are important to the Elite society, each element of the name has a meaning. Elite names are contructed from a series of parts. An example is Ado 'Mortumee. "Ado" is his given name, which is all he had until he was considered an adult. As an adult he earned the right to carry the badge name "'Mortumee". This name is made up of three parts: MOR (an adjectival descriptor, such as "fast", or "deadly"), TUM ( a créche name, basically his family name), and EE (an honorific indicating he is a participant in the military). Most Elites will have names with this kind of construction.

Now, if examine the names of the two Sangheili I've put into Chapter 12 and 13:

Aki ForLUMee and Ido NasLUM

I'm trying to be subtle here, but I think I'm failing.

Ido Naslum was not in the military of the Covenant. Some might argue that every Covenant member is in the military, but that's just not so. During the Age of Discovery when they were attempting to recreate the Forerunner technology into their own weapons and star ships, they needed scientists. While the Hunagok (Engineers) are good at taking things apart and rebuilding them, they are useless when it comes to converting technology. Sangheili, being the prime race aside from the Prophets in the Covenant, would have been given the task of doing so.

The structure that I chose for the names of Forlumee and Naslum are very important, and will become clearer when Chapter 13 rolls around, and later on in the story.

With that bit of info, maybe some of Naslum's dialogue makes a bit more sense now huh?

  • 03.20.2005 9:55 AM PDT
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im gessing lum means scientist then
or no i got it its engineer thats why that forlumee guy has an ee in his name its like belonging to the r.e.m.e brits should know what that means here it is for alyou people who arn't brits royal electrical and mechanical engineers basically army engineers like bridge builders fortification constructors and good old fashiond battle field mechanics

[Edited on 3/20/2005 10:14:45 AM]

  • 03.20.2005 10:08 AM PDT
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A lot of Covenant are not in the military.
I'm not sure where but I've read that a large part of the Elite society is no soldier... they're scientists.

  • 03.20.2005 10:17 AM PDT
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The LUM part of both Aki Forlumee and Ido Naslum's names is intregal because it is a family name.

Lum is the family line name of a specific Sangheili family, meaning, Aki Forlumee and Ido Naslum are related. There's a specific paragraph in Chapter 13 that lends credence to this:

Military dog, Naslum fumed to himself. Instead of analyzing Forerunner artifacts, they will have me go on a foolish search, with no direction aside from a senile Prophet who believes he can speak to the Gods. To think at one time the Sangheili had lived upon a planet rich in culture. Now we have been reduced to the Prophet’s caretakers. Where are the great warriors of old? Is it because of my ancestry that I have been delegated to this degrading position?

I think we all remember that the Prophet of Faith framed Forlumee with the murder of Councilor Garsunee. Obviously such a thing would be a stain upon a family, and in that last line of the paragraph Naslum is pondering whether it is because of his family's past that he has been given the role that he has.

  • 03.20.2005 10:27 AM PDT
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Wow, that was one of the best chapters I've read. I really enjoy the fact that you change the mindset of the Elites from detesting the Prophets to slowly respecting them. I look forward for more.

  • 03.20.2005 10:30 AM PDT
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I don't think they slowly started to respect them.
They pretend to respect them (some of them) but actually hate them.

  • 03.20.2005 10:33 AM PDT
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wow, i never realised that family bit was there before - just goes to show how much work you must have been putting in to this to achieve that level of depth, nice nice

  • 03.20.2005 12:39 PM PDT
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ok that was really deep thought there but is any of that line around today? (2552)

  • 03.20.2005 12:52 PM PDT

I share pies.

:P Nice idea with the ages Mr_C!

Good chapter too

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[color=green]--\¯\/¯/ |¯|)¯) /¯/\¯\ \¯\/¯/--
------ ][-][ //-\\ ][_ (()) 2 -------
--/_/\_\ |_|)_) \_\/_/ /_/\_\--[/color]

[color=yellow]ANTICIPATION OF DEATH IS WORSE THAN DEATH[/color]


SOTR2


  • 03.20.2005 1:04 PM PDT

"It's like a cake filled with pies." -Pete "Mango" Parsons

Seventh Column Contests

awsome chap Clark, i liked how u showed the forerunner but didnt describe it because it would be kinda silly, people have their own oppinions on how they look, but still an awsome chap and i agree that it wasnt the best but still was required for the story to move along and have a better explanation on the covenant history.

and what killed the hunter pair? i know 1 of them died because it was infected by the flood.

[Edited on 3/20/2005 1:12:54 PM]

  • 03.20.2005 1:09 PM PDT
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Posted by: highland brute
ok that was really deep thought there but is any of that line around today? (2552)


Hmmm, I'm not saaaaaying!

As for Forru and Iobu, the two Hunters. They were killed by the infected Sangheili strike teams.

  • 03.20.2005 2:03 PM PDT

Kero 'Zenuree
Officer aboard the Reverence-class cruiser Intangible
Dn'end Legion

Hey, Mr.Clark, just wanted to say, I bought Brothers in Arms on Friday and I have completed it. It's an amazing game.

  • 03.20.2005 2:31 PM PDT
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aww come on that sucks can u at least giv us a hint

and how did the prophet survive the flood attack?

  • 03.20.2005 2:33 PM PDT
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~I was born for the storm, and a calm does not suit me~

CEC
╣Fire of Tru7h╠
The Campers

מִכְמַן

[quote]Posted by: Stand_Alone
I liked the chapter, but I know the real reason why most people feel its not that good.

I'm certain that I am not the only one here that re-read Chapter 12 a couple of times. The scenery, central character, plot, all of it was just so splendidly done that it would be impossible for you to top it. There was nowhere to go with Chapter 13 but down. If you had gone up somehow in pure artistic beauty, I would have to say that you are some kind of diety, capable of putting pure lore down onto paper.

Don't let some of the comments about Chapter 13 not being as great as the others get you down Mr. Clark. Every story has it's high and low points. Granted this is the first and only low point of the story, but its more of a tiny dip in the grand scheme of things, and I have a gut feeling that Chapter 14 is going to bring you right back around so everybodies jaws are once again slammed to the ground with awe.

I agree. Honestly I don't know what you could have done differant.
One thing, when the Hunters saw all the blood, what was that really
from? Did the prophets send something else in to find out about the flood
before the Hunters?

  • 03.20.2005 3:08 PM PDT
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Posted by: highland brute
aww come on that sucks can u at least giv us a hint

and how did the prophet survive the flood attack?


what do you mean?

  • 03.20.2005 3:14 PM PDT