- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
My brothers, I am a confessed Caulrophobic - (scared -blam!-less of clowns). Clowns are evil, sinister creatures. Those grease faced maniacs dress up in their unfunny clothes to lure kids into the bushes, where they tie them up and drag em back to the funhouse, only to eat them and set out looking for more children.
My fear started when I was small, and my mother took me to the clown convention. I was looking forward to it, until while I was there a white faced clown ran up to me and grabbed my nose. What he didn't know was that I had broken my nose 1 week earlier, and his 'gentle' little got ure nose trick ended in agony. He laughed and walked off. I was never the same. From that day on I hated clowns.
Clowns can smell fear. They can sense when you are afraid of them. This is when they strike. They tend to hunt in packs, however, the odd clown such as Pennywise works alone. There are 3 catagories of the filthy creatures worth noting.
1. The white faced clown
Thought to be one of the most sinister breeds in existence, the white faced clown (or 'WFC') feeds on mainly kids and craves for meat. They are the ones who hide in shadows and say disturbing things before breaking out the blade and striking. They are extremely dangerous and not considered sane. They tend to dress like Ronald Mcdonald (who is a WFC BTW) and sometimes have a hand blood print on their front. If you see one, and are afraid of clowns, run. They use blood stained knives and axes. They will only hunt at night, or in a funhouse.
2.The normal clown
Although not as lethel as the WFC, these freaks are the ones who seek out older targets. They will sniff out a caulrophobic from a mile away. They use no weapons, but tend to use their hands to strangle or beat you to death. They have normal coloured faces with read paint around their mouth and triangles above and below their eyes. They do not eat their prey, but hide the bodies and feed on cheap fast food. They are aged between 40 -50, and are usually alchoholic. (They stink of alchohol). They wear overalls with a 'serrated' bib (much like the simpsons clown that haunts Bart) and have white gloves. They can also be recognised by their distinctive and oversize clown boots. If you are a child, then these clowns are not too dangerous. but if you are older, then beware.
3. mimes
We all know what they look like. They are not dangerous, but are believed to work with WFCs and Normal clowns to give away the positions of nearby caulrophobics. They have limited fear sensing capabilities, but are to be avoided nonetheless. Treat them with disrespect.
I hope this will enighten you people some more and give you an insight into the sinister world of evil clowns. Who knows, a clown may be reading this. wait. I doubt it, because clowns have very limited technological capabilities. They can basically boot up a computer, but litle else.