- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
THE GREATEST QUOTE(s) OF ALL TIME IS!! DUN DUN DUN!!
Tucker-"Hey Church, we have a problem"
Church-"I am not your mother, so dont come tattling to me everytime one of you does something that the other one doesn't like."
Tucker-"I'm telling you he's(caboose) crazy. He keeps threatening me and talking in a scary voice."
Caboose-"No i didn't."
Tucker-"Oh, so you're telling me that you didnt threaten to cut off my head and give it to Church as a birthday present?"
Caboose-"You know, i think you're taking my words a little out of context."
Tucker-"What!? What context!?"
Church-"Listen guys, this competition thing has got to stop, OK? I thought we'd established by now*
Doc-"Excuse me?"
*Hey pal, one second, ok? I'm in the middle of something. Ah, look, I thought we'd established by now, i dont like either of you, ok! So competing for my attention is not going to do you any good."
Doc-"Excuse me."
Church-"Ok, yes, hello. Who are you?"
O'Malley(aka caboose evil)-"Don't ever be alone."
Tucker-"He's doing that thing again!"
Doc-"My name's Dufrane, uh, are you Private Tucker?"
Church-"No i am not private tucker, my name is church. This is private tucker*
Tucker-"Yo"
*And our friend over there in regulation blue, that's Caboose, or O'Malley, or whatever the hell he's calling himself."
Caboose-"Why did you introduce me second?"
Tucker-"Because he hates you."
Doc-"I received your call for a medic."
Caboose-"A medic? That was like three months ago."
Tucker-"Yeah, what'd you do? Crawl all the way here?"
Doc-"I came as quickly as i could. Where's the patient?"
Church-"Well she's about 50 yards behind you, and six feet straight down."
Doc-"Oh, im sorry for your loss."
Church-"What? oh yeah, yeahhh, thanks man, it was tough, but uh well, what're you gonna do?"
Caboose-"We didn't like her very much. (whisper)She was mean to other people."
Doc-"Whose in the other grave?"
Church-"That's uh, that's me. I'm in that grave."
Doc-"Uh huh, of course."
Caboose-"See, he got, uh, killed by this, uh, crazy, runaway tank*
Tucker-"Or by the idiot driving it."
*Oh yeah and then he became, uh, this really mean ghost, and uh, took over a mexican robot's body, uh, Oh, and then we had to, uh, oh that's right, spray paint him, uh, to make him blue, and now he is alive again, and he is a bionic man. Who, is blue."
Tucker-"Right, it took us six weeks to get his spanish setting turned off."
Church-"No esta completemenda abagado, mandaho. (Not entirely turned off, moron.)"
Tucker-"*sigh* I'll go get the spanish dictionary."
Doc-"Wait, so no one here is hurt?"
Church-"No, we're fine. in fact, i feel better than ever. See, now whenever these two idiots really start to bug me, i can always just turn my ears off. Couldn't do that before."
Caboose-"You said they were shorting out."
Church-"I'm sorry, what was that caboose, I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
Doc-"Ok, well let me just check you two out and i'll be on my way."
Tucker-"Whoa! Check us out? Is this going to be one of those things where i have to turn my head and cough?"
Doc-"No i'm just going to check your vitals."
Caboose-"I bet i have better vitals than you(tucker). What's a vital?"
Church-"On your way? I don't think so bud, aren't you here to join our squad."
Doc-"No, i'm just here to help out with Tex, and then assist in the canyon as needed."
Church-"First of all, great job on the Tex thing, mission accomplished. Secondly, the way we need you to assist us, is to help us kill all the red."
Doc-"Well, even if my orders didn't prohibit me from doing it, i still wouldn't. I joined the army as a consciencience objector."
Tucker-"A conji-who!?"
Doc-"I am a pacifist."
Caboose-"You're a thing that babies suck on?"
Tucker-"No dude, that's a pedifile."
Church-"Tucker, i think he means a pacifier.*
Tucker-"Oh yeah, right. Oh man, i was totally thinking about something else."
*That's real classy tucker."
Doc-"Well, everyone here checks out. I'll come back and check on you before i leave the canyon. Can you tell me which way to the red base?*
Tucker-"Why, you said you weren't going to fight 'em."
*I'm not. Resources are low, so i'm on loan to both armies to help whichever side needs me at the time.*
Church-"Man that is so freakin lame."
*I'm just going to go to red base and see if they need any help."
Church-"Well if you're going to go to red base, i reccomend you putting away that little medical thinggy of yours. They see you walking up carrying that thing they're going to shoot it right outta you're hand.*
BLAM
*Yeah, just like that."
-END
yeah i know it was long, but it all ties in perfectly. So many funny quotes packed in.