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I love it, send a PM to a ninja to see if oyu can get it pinned.(well, maybe not he might ban you, maybe ill ask him for you). only one thing, i don't want to ruin the story, ( if you already had it planned). The last time i read the halo books was a while, but when kelly and everyone goes into the shield world/portal, thing, i remember them bringing some people in "pods" were they dead? or just in cryo sleep? I couldn't have done bette myself. only thing is in part one there is a few times when cortana goes like
"bluagh bluagh bluagh..." she stated"
it should either be like "exclaimed" or something, or there is nothing wrong with not saying like,
"said the chief, yelled cortana, howled the grunt". you can just leave it out, as i was taught "your reader is intelligent, but ignorant. means that they are smart enough to figure out that if somebody goes, " your time is running out chief" it is definatly not sam.(who died.=(
just lopok at a book that is already published, and pay attention to tha and youll get a good feeling when to say "said cortona" and when to just say
"message"
otherwise great writing!thread saved!
love it, send it to bungie when your done.