- Sergeant Murph
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- Noble Legendary Member
AJ, you've been, by far, the most supportive person I've met on this site. From the moment I saw your story in the General Forum I knew you were a great writer, but you've also been a great friend along the way.
And so, I present a full review of Honour of a Heretic: Shackles of Blasphemy.
The first thing I noticed about this piece was the realistic, flowing dialogue. It makes the story seem real, like you're actually the main character talking casually at some times, but not too casual, so to speak. There are times when speaking like you're talking with your friend is mandatory, while other times it's appropriate to have an uber-awesome catchline, which you did at the right moments all the way through the story.
Another key element to the story was your pinpoint description of the Covenant. We, as fanfiction writers, often overlook the fact that non-avid halo fans will not know of a Prophet's capabilities or what a Sangheili bed looks like (that part you made up, I'm guessing--you still made it flow like it was real though)
Your ending was precious. Cliff hanger to an end of a novel? You, sir, just earned yourself a Halo 2 cookie. I bet every reader that followed the story that far will be looking forward to your closing the gap between the two novels.
One thing I'd like to point out though is that once or twice I didn't really know where I was. I understood the general place (e.g, the Dreadnaught) but I couldn't get a great visual of the room. That and a few minor spelling errors are about the only things I can suggest.
Lastly, the storyline was great. I like the character change from beginning to end, although I wouldn't have minded a few more chapters. Next time :D?
Your a great writer and I can see you going far if it's what you want to do. I wish you luck and hope to see you around here and FanFicFactor until I'm eighty.
Peace,
~Murph