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  • Subject: Honour of a Heretic: Genesis (Prequel) CHAPTER 3 UPLOADED
Subject: Honour of a Heretic: Genesis (Prequel) CHAPTER 3 UPLOADED

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

Hi guys,
This is the Prequel to Shackles of Blasphemy, the first in the trilogy. I am making this a seprate thread because I haven't completely finished SoB but I'll get round to the latter soon enough.

Story Sypnosis:
Kahzdan 'Verohmee reflects on the most important parts of his life, his training at the Academy to the moment he signs up for the Covenant.
He shares time with his friends Rtas 'Vadumee, Thel 'Vadamee, Usze 'Tahamee and N'tho 'Sraomee. Along the way, mysteries begin to unfold, when Kahzdan finishes his training and steals a Luminary device it begins to vibrate and Kahzdan begins to think over what will happen to him.
This is a much more emotional-based story as Kahzdan is just a child, but his reputation begins to show as he becomes more and more ruthless...Can he change his ways when the love of his life turns up? <<Mina 'Harkenee>>

CHAPTER LIST:
Prologue
Starting Over
TBA

I hope you guys enjoy this, you don't really have to read Shackles of Blasphemy to understand this so please read...


[Edited on 01.31.2009 3:59 AM PST]

  • 01.27.2009 2:54 AM PDT
Subject: Honour of a Heretic: Genesis (Prequel)

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

HONOUR OF A HERETIC
GENESIS

PROLOGUE:
My life was always interesting; ever since I was born there was always something out of place. Because you see, I am different from all the others and ever since I was born in the year 2410 I knew my life was leading up to something big.
My father...My real father, was a swordsman, one of the best I hear...He’s gone now...My family, my friends...We have been torn us apart along with countless others ever since the Human/Covenant war began, it was from that point on I realised I’d be dead sooner or later. Along with the others and the Angel, you remember me don’t you? No...
It’s going to be a long, long night and there is much in the path ahead. Let me tell you a story...My story...

It was all those years ago, 2420 when I was taken to the Sangheili Swordsman Academy. All Sangheili were taken there at the tender age of ten, with no exceptions. It was our honour, our code and our very symbol of life ever since the beginning of the Sangheilian evolution.
I lived on the continent of Yermo, in the State of ‘Verohmee where we followed the ancient religion of Iruiru. I remember them all, my friends Rtas ‘Vadumee, Usze ‘Tahamee, N’tho ‘Sraomee and the person I’d known all my life...Thel ’Vadamee.
My four great friends who I’d known ever since I was three or four, it all seems so long ago now...
But I remember the fateful day when we were taken to the Sangheili War Academy which was one of the most well-known places in Yermo; our master was Sesa ‘Refumee, a true expert in sword fighting.
It was a sad day for us when we left behind our careless ways and took on what seemed at the time, the greatest challenge of our lives.
Though Sesa was the head of the Academy, he was also a very scary figure who struck fear into the hearts of the students when he addressed them.
We were all waiting on the field, just next to the ancient oak doors which were grafted cycles ago by our most noble ancestors. My father put a hand on my shoulder, this always reassured me that everything would be fine but all my hope drained when Sesa came marching out with two other Sangheili Masters.
I took a frightened look at them, tall and muscular then I looked gingerly at Rtas who looked just as nervous as I was. He strained a thumb up at me but yelped when there was a snap from Sesa who cracked a whip at a wall.
“Parents will now leave the premises.” Sesa ordered in a dark, mundane voice.
My father gave me a final hug and bid me good luck, this wasn’t an Academy...It was a prison...And my final hope was walking away from me for the first time.
Thel, Usze, N’tho and Rtas’ parents also left their children behind; with a final encouraging word they took one final look at their children who looked frightened and on the verge of tears.
Another snap followed and Sesa was eyeing each one of us intently, his eyes were begging us to face his wrath by putting a single hoof out of line.
“You’ve all had life easy since you were born, but from here you all become your own nation! You face your fears here, you face me! This Academy will train you in the ancient art of Sangheili swordsmanship and you will learn how to cope by yourself...Any objections will be the last thing you do, I can assure you.” Sesa growled.
We were arranged into single-file lines whilst Sesa stood on a pedestal that slowly orbited him round the terrified students.
“You there boy,” Sesa started up.
“M...me...?” A student trembled.
“Yes, what’s your name?”
“Talo, sir. Talo ‘Garlanee.”
“Yes, I remember your father. I just hope you prove less of a disappointment!” Sesa chuckled to himself leaving Talo dumbstruck and offended.
“Can we expect this verbal abuse all day, every day?!” A voice came.
I started round and saw that Rtas was eyeing Sesa with curiosity; Rtas was always the wise one. He was highly intelligent and was always a loyal friend.
Sesa turned sharply; his eyes pierced ours like daggers.
“Who said that?!” He shouted.
I shook my head at Rtas but he raised his hand, showing no regret for his actions.
“YOU! What’s your name?” He leaped off the pedestal and charged towards Rtas like an enraged bull.
“Rtas ‘Vadumee, sir.”
Sesa’s expression turned from anger to shock and admiration.
“You’d better watch your tongue, boy. Or I’ll see to it that your jaws are bound shut!” He marched off.
One of the other Sangheili Masters pulled out a roll of parchment and began to call out names; we were put into three houses. Urs, Fied and Joori were named after the star position of Sangheilios.
About half an hour later, most of the students had been put in their select houses. Rtas, Thel and the others were all in Urs, whose head of house was Sesa.
At last my name was called out by one of the masters, at hearing the words, Sesa walked over to look at the parchment in a hurry.
He muttered something under his breath as he looked up and called my name.
“Kahzdan ‘Verohmee!”

  • 01.27.2009 2:54 AM PDT

It's a good attempt at telling a story from the first person perspective (something which can be very difficult).
And its good to have the viewpoint of someone other than John (such as myself) or from the Arbiter etc...but you have dived right in there and grabbed the bull by the horns.
However, the main danger with writing a FP story is that you can sometimes drop back into the 3rd person occasionally, and I'm afraid that there is one moment where you do this.

But don't worry, you'll get more used to it as you write more of your story. So keep at it.

  • 01.27.2009 5:54 AM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

Cheers Max, I've been writing for a good few years now and I'll keep your advice in mind.
Where abouts did I drop back into 3rd person?

  • 01.27.2009 6:27 AM PDT


“Yes, I remember your father. I just hope you prove less of a disappointment!” Sesa chuckled to himself leaving Talo dumbstruck and offended.

Sould it not be 'I was left dumbstruck', instead of 'leaving Talo dumbstruck'? But that's the only place where I saw it, so don't worry too much about it too much.

  • 01.27.2009 6:57 AM PDT

Sorry I was completely wrong mate. The instructor was refering to another student and not your protagonist.

Sorry.

  • 01.27.2009 6:59 AM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

Lol, don't worry. Just to make absolutely clear to everyone that Kahzdan 'Verohmee is the protagonist, I guess it was a lie that you don't need to read Shackles of Blasphemy to understand this...

  • 01.27.2009 7:15 AM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

STARTING OVER
I was selected to join Urs with my friends, I felt happy about this but the expression of Sesa’s face kept reappearing in my mind...Why was he so shocked?
We were all gathered in three lines in the courtyard, the Sangheili masters were at each end talking to each other. Eventually, Sesa’s voice boomed loudly across the courtyard, “Proceed on me!”
We all obeyed, I was next to Rtas who seemed eager to get the day over with. The massive entrance doors swung open and we all emerged into an open hall...It was really quite beautiful; there were small trees and a variety of Sangheilian flora and fauna. Glowing green crystals provided light and there were several large statues, they were of old Sangheili warlords who’d obviously become known to their species.
“Welcome to the Academy.” Sesa said, holding his arms out.
The three houses split up, each one going a different direction for the guided tour. Sesa was our guide as we took time to examine our surroundings.
“Beyond here, my students...” Sesa smiled, “A brave new world.”
Another door opened and we shuffled through it to see a colossal room with what looked like thousands of floors; a stairway led both up and down going underground at to the skies. A small artificial sun was at the top which gave light shining down all the way to the bottom, we could only stare in amazement.
Sesa held out his arm, showing off a strange device on his wrist.
“This,” He said, indicating the device, “is a short-range teleporter to get you around this place easier. Later tonight at the great feast, will you receive one.”
Everyone was crowding round now, trying to get a look. The look on Sesa’s face didn’t disguise the fact that he was enjoying the attention, “Observe!” he said. He clicked a button and suddenly disappeared in a green flash, there was no trace of him until a minute later when he materialised in front of us again.
All the young Sangheili students began clapping, their initial fears of Sesa seemed to have vanished along with the green flash. How wrong they were...

It was several hours later that the tour had finished, it seemed the Academy was bigger on the inside than it looked on the outside. I was in the Great Hall with my friends, everyone was eagerly chatting about their experience so far and their impressions of the masters.
Sesa and the other two masters were sat at chairs behind a long table, there was a seat in the middle which was empty. The three masters stood, the noise of the students became quieter and my instincts told me that the Headmaster was about to come in.
My initial thoughts proved correct when there was a great flash of green light and a new, older, Sangheili stood in front of us.
“Welcome, students...” He said.
His armour was different to any I’d ever seen before, the headdress was an elaborate metallic silver colour and was twice the size of the Sangheili’s head. It was clear he was a skilled swordsman as there was a long hilt on his left leg and there were small bits of grey hair on his elderly face.
“I am Caan ‘Paratonee, the Headmaster here. Now, before we start, I must go through a few rules.”
Everyone was on tenterhooks, both hungry and nervous.
“First, none of you are to abuse the privilege of your teleporter devices. Second, no duelling anywhere in the Academy without express permission for practice...” Caan paused before stating his third rule, “It is strictly forbidden to go any lower than sea level. There are things down there your minds could not comprehend...” He said this sentence with a sinister tone in his voice.
His expression changed once again as he clapped his hands together, “Let the feast...Begin!”
It appeared that the food had come out of camouflage, each of the tables lined in the hall suddenly was filled by all different kinds of meat and various drinks.
At both sides of the hall was large windows, it was night at last and the prospect of waking up tomorrow seemed to be ever more promising.

A hour later...

Caan dismissed us after a big desert, I realised why it was called a great feast and we all went up to bed, guided by Sesa. Our House Room was guarded by two Honour Guards with large energy pikes and were dressed in ceremonial red and gold armour.
“Good night, students. You all have a long day tomorrow...” Sesa said.
He turned away but before he closed the door, I caught his eye staring at me with curiosity. Sesa nodded and I joined the others.
“What d’you reckon?” Rtas asked us. We were all gathered in a circle in the middle of the Urs Common Room, in comfortable chairs by a burning fire.
“About Sesa? I don’t know...He seems...Strange.” I replied.
“Definitely going to be a problem, in my opinion. Hope someone puts him in his place.” Usze said.
“I guess we’ll find out tomorrow, I’m going to get some sleep now.” Thel stated.
We departed, our beds were extremely comfortable, they were large and looked like a bowl or a saucer. Tomorrow was going to be the end of our childhood ways; tomorrow we would embrace our swordsmanship and walk down the longest path in the driest desert. With Sesa ‘Refumee observing our every move.

  • 01.31.2009 3:58 AM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

DAY ONE
“Use your instinct, constant vigilance!” Sesa roared at the top of his voice whilst we pummelled our dummy enemies as hard as we could.
“Show no sign of weakness, master your abilities and through extreme perseverance you shall succeed!” He continued.
We were in the Training Room, there were numerous fake dummies we used as punch bags and the room was a large dome capable of fitting about one hundred students in.
After an hour of intense exercise and gruelling punching, Sesa gave the order to stop and gather round him. He was holding something in his hand.
“You’re all sloppy! I’ve seen Unngoy fight better than you, I’ve never failed a student and this damn well isn’t going to be the first time!” He shouted.
Most of the class bowed their heads, disappointed at the outcome of all the hard work, Sesa held out his hand and revealed a ceremonial hilt of an Energy Sword.
“This is the weapon you’ll eventually be using. When you receive it, you shall guard this with your lives!” He eyed us all in sinister disgust, “Now... Do any of you know what this is?” he asked.
The students were eager to redeem themselves and gingerly raised their hands, “You.” Sesa pointed at me.
“An Energy Sword, sir...” I said.
Sesa nodded in approval, “Glad to know that at least one of you knows. Yes, this is the traditional weapon of a Sangheili and when you grow up like the proud fighters you should be, each of you will own one. Can anyone tell me how it is assembled?”
Sesa stared around the room; his eyes pierced ours like sharp daggers. Nobody, not even I, raised their hand. At seeing this, Sesa sighed in disappointment.
“Each one of you is given a training exercise in a few years time; the ancient Forerunners built a cave and inside are numerous crystals. Each Sangheili must access the cave and find a crystal, however, inside you will face your deepest fear as to prove yourself once you assemble the sword properly. It’s my job to make sure you are prepared for such an event.”
We all nodded, I was determined to show Sesa that I was not what he made us out to be. A few minutes later we resumed our training, this time we each wielded a small pole as a sword.
What seemed like an age later, we were called in as the training lesson ended. Though many students breathed a sigh of relief, it was unfortunate that we’d be doing a history of the Sangheili...With Sesa.

Sesa grinned maliciously at us; we were sat down in a circle on strange chairs. He plodded around the room, a weird metal stick in his hands, most Sangheili feared the worst.
“I’m not going to hit you, that’s not how we teach.” He stated.
“Anyone tell me what a CCS-Class Battlecruiser is?”
Rtas’ hand shot up immediately, “The main Covenant Navy warship, often used as a capital ship.” Sesa looked impressed, for a second anyway. He nodded.
“What is the purpose of an Arbiter? Why is one chosen?” He asked.
Thel raised his hand, “An Arbiter is a rank for only one individual who either wishes to prove himself or is on a mission for redemption after an act of heresy.”
“Good, very good. All of you take a note on that!”
It was much shorter than our combat training; most of us knew the answers to our history questions. Sesa, for once, was impressed with our knowledge and left us all feeling satisfied.
We were outside in the Academy Grounds, it was a beautiful sight. There were several stone pillars and the light of the sun shone on the massive lake, a small flock of birds zoomed over our heads and landed on the castle wall.
“Never seen another place like this?” Sighed N’tho.
We nodded in agreement, I sensed movement behind me and I turned around. It was Caan, the headmaster.
“Sir?” I said nervously, approaching him slowly.
Caan turned on the spot and smiled, his silver beard glinted in the light and there was a delicate sense of warmth around him that I’d not felt with any other person before.
“Hello, Kahzdan.” He stated. Caan knew my name... “I’m sorry students but I really don’t have time to chat, there is much work to do...Good day.” Caan was brief and hobbled off.
I stared at the lake, there was something out of place here...Something just didn’t seem right, it all seems such a perfect place but there must be some kind of secret hidden in this ancient place.

And I was right...

  • 01.31.2009 3:59 AM PDT