The Gallery
This topic has moved here: Subject: I Am Mendicant Bias
  • Subject: I Am Mendicant Bias
Subject: I Am Mendicant Bias

This is an essay/short story I wrote for a class I'm taking at Dowling. I just wanted to see what other people thought about it. I had no intentions of writing any further, but depending on the feedback I might change my mind. I wasn't sure where to post this at first so if you see it somewhere else, I wasn't trying to plaster it across all the forums; I just wasn't sure where to put it. But it looks like this is a suitable home for it. I hope you enjoy it.

MB.05-032 {log4121278AA--F4345438975.encrypted.contender.///0925///2552 }

For a hundred millennia I have drifted through the vast emptiness of space, watching helplessly as the Meddlers have forsaken all that my Makers’ held dear. I have watched from my sleep as countless lives have met a pointless, untimely end under the fire of ignorance and deception. I have seen these imbeciles stare blindly into the face of reality and subsequently turn around to gaze into their misguided religion. I have witnessed multitudes of honorable soldiers march into the gateways of Hell with the very same keys that sealed the fate of those who came before them. Most importantly, I have waited. I have been patient, perhaps merely subdued by my fractured state of being. I am done waiting.


I have walked the edge of the abyss and I have the seen the error of my ways. Absent of any punishment greater than fading into the blackness, I accepted my decent into the bottomless pit dug by my own sins. I condemned all sentience to an unrighteous end, and for this, I am owed no forgiveness, no sympathy, no pity. I know not from where or whence the Parasite came, but it brought with it the tools to obliterate all that my Makers had ever known and loved. And I was its golden hammer. I was reliable until the bitter end. Every moment that goes by is another stab in my heart, another reminder of my cold betrayal.


And yet, a small, infinitesimal part of me refused to accept my fate. How could I dare to allow myself the luxury of hope? I cannot hope for better days without pouring salt into the wound I ripped across the entire face of the galaxy. But some small glimmer of hope remained. I hoped against all odds that I would one day be able to right my grievous wrongs, that there would be a day when I could burn that Stinking Menace in Their name. And just when the fate of the galaxy teetered on the precipice of existence again, threatening to prove that history repeats itself if those at its reigns are too eager to tread the Cursed Path, I set my sights on Him. He is a warrior unlike any that I have ever seen. His ability to overcome insurmountable odds is perhaps the only possible key to my redemption. I have watched as he became the solider I needed him to be. I cannot accomplish my original task as I am, but through Him, I will do what I was meant to do one hundred thousand years ago. He is the courage I never had, the wisdom I lost long ago, and the strength I so foolishly abused. He is hope. I believe in him. I may not be able to atone for the destruction that I brought to the doorstep of those who trusted me, but I will do my best to do what they would have had me do. My Makers knew what they wrought. And they were noble. They stared into the face of extinction and did what was right. I’ve spent an eternity wishing that I could have been as noble as They were. Now I have that chance. It is time for me to honor the last wishes of my Creator.


I am Mendicant Bias. And this is what I have done.

[Edited on 02.05.2009 2:22 PM PST]

  • 02.02.2009 10:52 AM PDT
Subject: Mendicant Bias

It's long, but good. I doubt it will get the attention that it deserves though.

  • 02.02.2009 1:37 PM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

It was great! I agree with Alien Emperor though, I write fanfics and I'm barely replied to on here. But one thing I'd suggest at the end instead of "and this is my story" you could use the actual line of Mendicant by saying "and this is what I've done".

  • 02.02.2009 1:44 PM PDT

Posted by: ajw34307
It was great! I agree with Alien Emperor though, I write fanfics and I'm barely replied to on here. But one thing I'd suggest at the end instead of "and this is my story" you could use the actual line of Mendicant by saying "and this is what I've done".


thats a pretty good idea. i didnt even think of that. but i wont mind if this doesnt get any attention. i just posted it for kicks. thanks for the feedback though. i appreciate it.

  • 02.02.2009 4:39 PM PDT

Wow , some piece of writing.

  • 02.02.2009 6:02 PM PDT

Glory to Jesus Christ

Awesome piece of writing. Your vocabulary is really like Mendicant's in the terminals, and the writing fits Mendicant's personality perfectly. When you posted this in the Bungie.net Community Forum I thought this was straight from a terminal. Good job! :-)

  • 02.02.2009 6:21 PM PDT

Posted by: WB Wolves
Awesome piece of writing. Your vocabulary is really like Mendicant's in the terminals, and the writing fits Mendicant's personality perfectly. When you posted this in the Bungie.net Community Forum I thought this was straight from a terminal. Good job! :-)


thanks a lot! thats a pretty impressive achievement right there.

  • 02.03.2009 2:48 PM PDT

Where's my -blam!- cheeseburger!?

New Zealand Gamers

ANZAC Group

Mythic Conquerer #12

That was stunning. Sent chills down my spine.

  • 02.08.2009 2:48 AM PDT
Subject: I Am Mendicant Bias

God damn it! I have been wanting to write a short story about Mendicant Bias for a while now, but haven't got round to it due to my obligation to Memoirs of an ODST. Oh well, I'm still going to do it, in greater detail than this. Nice writing by the way.

  • 02.08.2009 9:41 AM PDT

Our destiny is not frightful because it is unreal, it is frightful because it is irreversible and iron-clad. Time is the substance I am made of. Time is a river which sweeps me along, but I am the river. It is a tiger which destroys me, but I am the tiger. It is a fire which consumes me, but I am the fire.

Attention to deal is amazing. Nice work, I loved it. If it was handed to me in Creative Writing class it would have gotten a 90! I grade hard.

  • 02.08.2009 9:47 AM PDT

Glad to see it here.

  • 02.08.2009 11:38 AM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

He edited the last line, kudos to...Me...

  • 02.08.2009 1:30 PM PDT

Posted by: ajw34307
He edited the last line, kudos to...Me...


i took your advice! im still torn over which way sounds better but im happy with the way it turned out either way. thanks for the feedback everyone! i think i might add more in the future but im busy with school so it wont be any time soon

  • 02.08.2009 9:01 PM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

I guess it is up to the writer what they want to do but I think it makes the speech a little more valiant if it is the actual line said before. It makes the character a little more recognisable after you did a fantastic job on writing how he talks.

  • 02.09.2009 8:32 AM PDT

thanks! sometimes i just cant decide which way is better when i want to say something two different ways. so i dont mind taking a reader's advice every now and then. writing doesnt have to be a lone job

  • 02.09.2009 11:02 AM PDT

Phenom

  • 02.09.2009 2:29 PM PDT

Posted by: EC Banana 4
Phenom


i will assume the rest of that is "inal" and i thank you for the compliment

  • 02.09.2009 3:37 PM PDT