- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
The beginning of a book is important- so tell me what you think about my opening paragraphs.
CHAPTER ONE: Shredded Remnants
Staring eyes. Eyes staring penetratingly through him, chastising his soul.
Why did they stare at him so condemningly?
Dunmorix, as he was known in the war, returned the looks he was subject to with a confused gaze. Estranged, he was uncomfortable with this situation.
It seemed as if they had never seen a battleship before, or even a boat for that matter. He surveyed the crowd of staring eyes quizzically, and hastily moved onwards.
Not only did they show unfriendly looks, they exhibited great fear in his presence. His people feared him.
As he moved through the streets of Manhattan, he was appalled by the terrible sanitation. But far more striking than the filth on the streets, was their emptiness. There was not a single soul outside. Dunmorix stood immobilized, eyes and jaw wide, as papers and trash whirled about his feet. Even in his years of bizarre, new aged war, Dunmorix had never encountered a situation more surreal.
Born under the name of Idan, Dunmorix stood a formidable 6 and a quarter feet, his body rippling with bloated muscles. Although he was only 28, wrinkles were to be found at the corners of his mouth. He used to be a happy person- one who lived a normal life, with a love of justice. But after 10 years of war, his smile had faded. His own jubilation was a small price to pay for justice and the perseverance of compassion. He fought the Dark War for 10 years, for these people, and they alienated him.
His reverie on the empty street was shattered by the sound of a blaring car horn. He turned to see a Ford directly behind him. As he slowly edged out of the way, the pilot leaned out of the window and inquired of Dunmorix what his purpose was in the middle of the street.
Dunmorix stared vaguely at the stranger, and disregarding the question, asked, “Where is the airport?”
Timidly, the stranger shrunk in his vehicle. With wide eyes, he pointed to the blatant “To Airport” sign which was erected directly behind him.
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