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This topic has moved here: Subject: [story]new mombasa
  • Subject: [story]new mombasa
Subject: [story]new mombasa

Only the unloved and unnatural hate.

I have a skype! Feel free to add me if you took the time to look in here xD cody.dwight.morgan

New Mombasa after the flood landed.

Caley looked down at her BR55 Rifle as she was running from the flood and saw she had about two three burst shots in her clip left, when she looked back at the flood all she was thinking in her head was "dave had the ammo."
When she turned back she saw that there was a fork in the street, "-blam!- where did they go? Left no right wait LEFT!" Her mind made up she turned down that way and was thinking," did I go the right way?" When she saw her group go in to a ally that had a gate on it. some one hit the button on the gate "WAIT STOP THAT -BLAMING- GATE!" she said.she went in just as the gate shut it grabed a few of her hairs it it felt painful but she new from the pain she was alive. she saw the sarge standing there,a wave of
releaf ran in her head but it ran right right back out when she looked in the mirror behind him and saw the flood form on her back. the sarge yelled" corpral!" and ran to help her but she was to far away.
she had time for one yell before it went in her chest.

I no it has some typeO's but this is a draft so try not to troll.

have a nice day.

  • 03.10.2009 2:17 PM PDT

You shouldn't really start fan fictions with an actions scene, it's not a film. Also, don't use all Caps in a story, and refrain from bugging the profanity filter. Type it up in word, auto correct, proof read, proof read again, edit, and only then do you post it.

  • 03.10.2009 2:45 PM PDT

Only the unloved and unnatural hate.

I have a skype! Feel free to add me if you took the time to look in here xD cody.dwight.morgan

Posted by: Wolverfrog
You shouldn't really start fan fictions with an actions scene, it's not a film. Also, don't use all Caps in a story, and refrain from bugging the profanity filter. Type it up in word, auto correct, proof read, proof read again, edit, and only then do you post it.
I didn't "bug the profanity filter". I put the blam in there.

[Edited on 03.10.2009 2:55 PM PDT]

  • 03.10.2009 2:54 PM PDT

Posted by: comandercody451
Posted by: Wolverfrog
You shouldn't really start fan fictions with an actions scene, it's not a film. Also, don't use all Caps in a story, and refrain from bugging the profanity filter. Type it up in word, auto correct, proof read, proof read again, edit, and only then do you post it.
I didn't "bug the profanity filter". I put the blam in there.


You chose to put blam in your story? Why didn't you just say a word that isn't blocked like crap or bastard?

  • 03.10.2009 3:22 PM PDT

Only the unloved and unnatural hate.

I have a skype! Feel free to add me if you took the time to look in here xD cody.dwight.morgan

Posted by: Wolverfrog
Posted by: comandercody451
Posted by: Wolverfrog
You shouldn't really start fan fictions with an actions scene, it's not a film. Also, don't use all Caps in a story, and refrain from bugging the profanity filter. Type it up in word, auto correct, proof read, proof read again, edit, and only then do you post it.
I didn't "bug the profanity filter". I put the blam in there.


You chose to put blam in your story? Why didn't you just say a word that isn't blocked like crap or bastard?
I just liked it that way.

  • 03.10.2009 4:08 PM PDT