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This topic has moved here: Subject: Halo Fanfic: If I were your hero
  • Subject: Halo Fanfic: If I were your hero
Subject: Halo Fanfic: If I were your hero
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nice chapter, not sure but i thought wesley shot rose in the leg in the second or third chapter....maybe i imagined that though?? Anyhow, would the ONI brass decide on a dime what to do with them or would they have put them before a military court??? Obviously, with the addition of the helmet cam and the fact that it is the future things could be different. However, it was just some things that i had thought of. Whoa and what a twist with the Rose and Wesley thing, i wasn't expecting that. I hope that she doesn't wiggle her way back to Eric, and that he finds his own woman.....he even said himself that she wasn't his kind anyway, unless that was him talking himself out of wanting to be with her. Anyway, I enjoyed it and like the complexity of the characters you have created. No idea where you are going to take this though.

[Edited on 5/4/2005]

  • 05.04.2005 1:51 PM PDT

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gruntsRgreat
During wartime, most High ranking officers have the right to decide on the fate of their "traitors" without the need to go before a militarty court. Especially during such a critical time. But I did elaborate slightly on this in order to speed things along:

"Private First class Wesley Williams, Lieutenant Eric Raynord, and Doctor Roselyn Santos, you are all hereby found guilty of conspiring with the enemy, according to the United Nations Space Command and Office of Naval Intelligence Terms of War. According to this doctrine, the highest ranking official on the scene has the right to deal with you, without the approval of the committee, in any way they see fit.”

Hope that helps a little. Thanks again for reading!!

[Edited on 5/4/2005]

  • 05.04.2005 2:01 PM PDT
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-blam!- bungie server errors i've had like 50 no joke while trying to read this
what i saw of it was good
gr8 way to save the charecters and also roughnecks is from starship troopers

  • 05.04.2005 2:02 PM PDT
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Whoa! I never thought that Weasly and Rose were lovers! I just thought that they were friends. Good friends.

(*sarcasm*) Are you going to tell love sceens with detail? (/*sarcasm*)

  • 05.04.2005 7:25 PM PDT

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mc spartan 219; highland brute

Haha. The love twist actually caught some of you off guard, hmm, I guess i didn't suggest enough hints that they had feelings in the first chapter. Oh well. Not to worry, there will be more details about it and possible future romances later, but nothing mushie or cute... and for God's sake I have no plans of doing a love story, LOL we all saw how horrible Star Wars Episode II was!

Just a quick update. This story has now been updated to the fanfictions group, so members can read it without interruptions. Sorry it took me so long Highland. If any of you are not members, then Feel free to join the group by clicking on my signature if you are interested.

The list of writers there is an ooze of bungie.net's best fanfic writers, including Mr_clark, scorptank, HaloXenon, kokiri, Master_Chief117, and more.

  • 05.05.2005 8:31 AM PDT
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good story, several grammatical errors and spelling, but the storyline is solid and well set, and the characters are well described.

  • 05.05.2005 8:58 AM PDT
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AND ANOTHER THING YOU DON'T NEED TO BE A WRITER TO JOIN THE GROUP FANS ARE WELCOME TOO sry forgot caps was on

  • 05.05.2005 10:44 AM PDT
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Soul, It's not your fault. I went back and reread some of and say the clues you were giving us. Like that part where she said Weasly didn't have to call her Ms. and to call her Rose. or somthing like that.

  • 05.05.2005 3:05 PM PDT
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yeah but i originally thought that was because she was uncomfortable with titles

  • 05.06.2005 9:10 AM PDT

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Highland brute; MC spartan 219
I chalk that up to not giving enough sutle hints. I thought about giving away their relationship in the first stage, but decided to just leave some hints. Obviously my hints weren't strong enough.

I was trying to show that Wesley was trying too hard to be formal with Rose, while Rose was trying to suggest to him that he was trying too hard. Don't worry though, there will be a point where more info will be divulged about their relationship... all the details and lies. But that may not happen for at least another 2 stages.

Stage 4 update
Stage 4 is nearing the half way mark. But I've got a long weekend ahead. My final projects are due this week so I may not get the chance to edit till wednesday. So far this stage is shaping up nicely, plenty of action and character advancements. I must say that I'm pretty proud of this chapter just because the details are flowing nicely. While Stage 3 was nice for moving the story along, stage 4 takes it and runs head first into the chaos.

Since I'm not a huge war fan, I'm not the best at capturing battles, all I know is from what I've seen in movies and TV/Books. But even though this stage is only a minor battle, it is setting the pace for what is to come, and it's showing what works and what doesn't. I think you will all like the next chapter, a lot.

If things go well, I will try to have it done before wednesday. But if my work overwhelms me, it may take longer.

-soulguard

  • 05.06.2005 9:49 AM PDT

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-server error mon shizzle-

[Edited on 5/6/2005]

  • 05.06.2005 9:50 AM PDT
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cool and those server errors are really bugging me too

  • 05.06.2005 11:13 AM PDT
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Posted by: soulguard
“Shut up, Doctor!” The woman demanded. “Don’t think for a moment that we are not aware of the power of female seduction. You’re relationship with Private First Class Wesley Williams has been under investigation for quite some time.” Eric gritted his teeth and simply listened. “You may have kept the details of your involvement with the Private a secret to some, but within our ranks we can not afford to let such acts go unnoticed.”


That was blatant I can't belive I missed it. Before when Rose and Erik are comming into the lab and Wesley using rank and again when Wesley dosn't shoot Rose. This is great foreshadowing from subletel to obvious.
Great writing Soulguard!!

Thanks for the PM


[Edited on 5/6/2005]

  • 05.06.2005 10:32 PM PDT
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Posted by: soulguard
The Titanium-A door hissed with life as it slid open. Nearly six inches of the metal separated the ONI research lab from the rest of the facility.

Posted by: soulguard
“It’s pure Titanium-A.” Eric replied. “It’s ten inches thick so it should hold a while. All we can really do is hope that the Covenant don’t break it down before our reinforcements show up.”


Soulguard the first time you metion the lab doors they are 6 in. thick the next time they are 10 in. thick.
Just wanted to point that out.

  • 05.06.2005 10:43 PM PDT

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*gasp*

Thanks Mac... will fix that ASAP. :D

  • 05.06.2005 11:06 PM PDT
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well you could just say it's exaguration

  • 05.07.2005 6:07 AM PDT
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It might be an exaguration but shouldn't Eric know all the sucerty devices in the lab. If he says it 10 in. but it really is 6 in. that would put false hopes in his men.

  • 05.07.2005 8:34 AM PDT

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Mac Mob; highland brute
It really was an oversight on my part. The door, and the entire exterior of the lab, was ship grade titanium-A, which is ultra-light and thick. When I got to stage 2 I overlooked the depth I originally posted, and as I updated the story I realized that the door needed to be thick... almost 4 times as dense as a normal door: ten inches give or take.

I could have said that it was an oversight but truthfully it was an error in my research and planning. I'll try to avoid it in the future.. can you guys forgive my error? haha
j/k



  • 05.07.2005 8:57 AM PDT
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as I was lying on my bed at the night gazing the stars wondering one thing; Where the hell my roof went.

I am a Zombie.
Proud member of B.net since -04

Dont worry, no ones angry to you.

Good story is all, little mistakes are exceptable, we all make them just like me.

We dont complain, only help you to become great writer, so we can read your stories.

  • 05.07.2005 9:19 AM PDT
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HaloXenon is right. Everbody makes mistakes.
As long as the mistakes are fixed nobody cares that they were there.
Mistakes make you a better writer if you can learn from them.
So Great writing and don't worry about the mistakes someone will spot them.
Keep it up!!!

[Edited on 5/7/2005]

  • 05.07.2005 6:52 PM PDT
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yeah your only human or




at least i think you are




are you?

  • 05.08.2005 1:51 PM PDT

TWP - Assistant Director
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highland brute; Mac Mob; halo xenon

I appreciate the support, I was only kidding. Cause if that small mistake really did upset anyone then I'd have to re-evaluate the readers here. lol another joke. You guys are awesome and the main reason I keep writing is because you all rock!! *tips my hat to you*

And no, I'm not human... I'm a lizard with really big hands, and robot legs. I walk backwards too. hehe. kidding.

Since I'm here:

Stage 4 update
I have wonderful news for you all. Not only is Stage 4 complete, but I am also partially into stage 5!! Stage 4 went really smooth, but I still have to edit it. The weekend wasn't nearly as rough as I thought it would be, my projects were pretty easy to finish. I hope to post stage 4 monday and stage 5 on thursday. Unless something wild happens, expect a pm sometime tomorrow!!

  • 05.08.2005 2:38 PM PDT
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Great!
Can't wait for stage 4.

  • 05.08.2005 3:20 PM PDT
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Stage 3 was great i hope 4 is just as good as it soory for taking so long to post been out of town.

  • 05.09.2005 7:19 AM PDT
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AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sounds good, i had fun
get story quick, but not quicker than you want!!
bye

  • 05.09.2005 9:50 AM PDT