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  • Subject: Halo Fanfic: If I were your hero
Subject: Halo Fanfic: If I were your hero
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That was amazing, keep up the good work. I guess I will have to wait for the nex chapter to come out to see what happens.

  • 10.29.2005 5:28 PM PDT
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I myself thought the death of justin was well done, but if I re read it, it will probably be worse, so I will pretend it was better. As I have mentioned before, pancakes are amazing,and battlefront 2 shall be amazing, so if you have live and you get it, pm me and I will send you a friend request.

Soul, I'd like to say thanks again for being so good, because it helps me feed off of you like the flood, making me a better writer until the day I tear you limb from limb and devoure your remains then change into gravemind and eat all humans in existence.

well, sorry about that, but you are helping me become a better writer :D

  • 10.29.2005 9:19 PM PDT

He watches every Hodgetwin video they put up...on ALL their channels. He calls them the Hodge Triplets, and considers himself the 3rd triplet. He's started talking and acting like them now. Every other line out of his mouth "Thaaas some BULLLLLL**** maaayne" or "Gotta make dem gainzzzz". He calls his biceps "gains". When he eats post-workout, he talks to his biceps, "Don't worry gains, I'm feeding you. Daddys gonna feed you, gainz *kisses biceps*".

Well, Soulguard, you've pretty much killed my weekened. I've been reading your fanfiction non-stop from start to finish, and I'm on stage 21 currently. This is absolutely amazing stuff. I've grown more critical of fanfictions over my time here, much, much more critical, and I'm rarely impressed anymore, but yours clearly has had TONS of thought put into it. I truly have found a replacement to Clark's fanfiction as the primary fanfiction of my interest.

You're amazing, keep up the good work, and I'll read the latest two chapters tomorrow.

  • 10.29.2005 10:45 PM PDT
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Well... if I said "this stinks", I'd be lying, but if I said "OMFG this owned all!!!" then I'd be overreacting... obviously. So I'll have to go for something in between.

I have to agree with Scorp and FirePrivate and.. well... everyone that mentioned it, that you had some difficulty with settling for the chapter's required mood. Sure, the mood required was - as you pointed out yourself - confusion. But I fear that while writing, you confused yourself.... At some point I totally lost the storyline of this Stage, about where Siren begins, until the part where Sammy rips Justin's head off.... Yeah, Shaun of the Dead is a very accurate description, and an insult for a writer, because Shaun of the Dead was rather... umm... I dunno.

I'm sorry to say this, in painful honesty, but this Stage seems as if it were meant to fill up some empty space.... As if it were thrown down there, just to make a story longer. You can kill me for this whenever you want, you have every right to do so, but... I dunno.... Of course it's all building up to something, like Rose that will be owned by Melanie, and she'll probably save Melanie's life or something, but the way it was introduced. Talking to Mehmep, was it? was a bit weird. Sorry, but that's how I see it right now.

I'll just stand against the wall and wait for you to put a bullet through my head, soulguard, but I've had my say.

  • 10.30.2005 3:21 AM PDT
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spec ops i respect your opinion but i disagree for me this chapter was easily understood but i also get that it was ment to fill space soul said so but it also has very good bits in it that shoiw a lot of effort went into it

  • 10.30.2005 4:34 AM PDT
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Posted by: highland brute
spec ops i respect your opinion but i disagree for me this chapter was easily understood but i also get that it was ment to fill space soul said so but it also has very good bits in it that shoiw a lot of effort went into it

Don't get me wrong, Highland. I don't wish to imply that soul might have put too little effort in this Stage, or that there were no good parts in it. Just that it was confusing, unlike the other Stages. I'm wondering about that. Nothing more. I'm not accusing soulguard because I did not understand something.

  • 10.30.2005 4:37 AM PDT
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some stages are simply their to fill space and pass time by. Plus if you remember, soul was in a hole in his fanfic and perhaps still trying to figure out what the hell is going on himself, so he put enough to satisfy us, and give him more time to get his story figured out. I can see that he is having some trouble in these last few stages, and rest will probably be great once he gets over this little hump.

  • 10.30.2005 6:56 AM PDT
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Again it's taken me a little while to get round to reading this, and once again I've been missing out... I'm beginning to see something of a pattern here :-D

Anyways, sweet chapter Soul - again more dodgy dealings on Mercy's part, and the frikkin' Gravemind incarnations just don't bloody give up do they?! You'd've thought that after the last... three? Someone would start to get a bit pissed off with them lol.

But still, great work bud - and don't worry if you've hit a wall writing-wise, we all get them. Take a break or something, then come back. Everything will probably fall into place rather nicely then... either that or try writing exceptionally late at night, that seems to work for me lol.

  • 10.30.2005 9:26 AM PDT

He watches every Hodgetwin video they put up...on ALL their channels. He calls them the Hodge Triplets, and considers himself the 3rd triplet. He's started talking and acting like them now. Every other line out of his mouth "Thaaas some BULLLLLL**** maaayne" or "Gotta make dem gainzzzz". He calls his biceps "gains". When he eats post-workout, he talks to his biceps, "Don't worry gains, I'm feeding you. Daddys gonna feed you, gainz *kisses biceps*".

Oh crap! You've already got 23 out! My bad... I'll go read that right now...

[Edited on 10/30/2005]

  • 10.30.2005 3:03 PM PDT
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I'm disappointed with myself. I let work and life get in the way of this great tale. It's a shame, but now I'm back and it seems your story is better than ever.

Fantastic work, man. I wish I had the writting skillz u dun got, butt i c itz 4 teh b3st.

Keep up the good work; I can't believe it's going to end soon (hopfully with a huge bang).

  • 10.30.2005 4:31 PM PDT

He watches every Hodgetwin video they put up...on ALL their channels. He calls them the Hodge Triplets, and considers himself the 3rd triplet. He's started talking and acting like them now. Every other line out of his mouth "Thaaas some BULLLLLL**** maaayne" or "Gotta make dem gainzzzz". He calls his biceps "gains". When he eats post-workout, he talks to his biceps, "Don't worry gains, I'm feeding you. Daddys gonna feed you, gainz *kisses biceps*".

Alright, now I've read 23 and I really loved it. Naturally, I don't like everything about this story, but it's about a million times better than mine and better than anything else I've read here, too.

I didn't see anything wrong with 23, personally... oh well.

  • 10.30.2005 7:17 PM PDT

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Thanks Uberdawg. I think what a lot of people are torn with is the 'beginning' of stage 23; the section with siren and the Keeper. The point I was trying to make with it came off well, but it seemed painfully slow to some. But some still enjoyed it, I think I actually set myself up with all of the past stages being exciting and grand, and then an "average" stage apears and a lot of readers are stuned. A victim of my own success. LOL. But still, I agree that stage 23 was a hard hump to hurdle for me and I slipped a lot. No worries, stage 24 will get things back on track.

Overall, thanks everyone for the feedback. I agree that this stage was difficult but your words have helped me to try and hunt down exactly where I went wrong. I promise that when I complete the book, the updated full print will be corrected.

-soulguard

  • 10.31.2005 6:53 AM PDT

He watches every Hodgetwin video they put up...on ALL their channels. He calls them the Hodge Triplets, and considers himself the 3rd triplet. He's started talking and acting like them now. Every other line out of his mouth "Thaaas some BULLLLLL**** maaayne" or "Gotta make dem gainzzzz". He calls his biceps "gains". When he eats post-workout, he talks to his biceps, "Don't worry gains, I'm feeding you. Daddys gonna feed you, gainz *kisses biceps*".

Soulguard, how many stages are you planning on having in this fanfiction?

  • 10.31.2005 8:00 PM PDT
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You should go read and copy their writing styles into a mixture of you're own. My style consists of Soul's character description, Clark's scene setting, and A little bit that I have incorporated from my own skills. Your goal in writing should be to NEVER confuse the reader. I prefer clear crisp details in every part of my story, so the reader is seeing every aspect of the story the way I see it.

  • 10.31.2005 8:08 PM PDT

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Uberdawg, there are 3 more planned stages and then (after/if Halo 3 is released) I will complete the trilogy with one final adventure. But the third books is many days away.

Worstpirateeva, were you addressing me or someone else? No matter really.

Stage 24 Update Picking up where the last stage dropped off things will push on with our heroes in dier straits, there is also a very quick flashback to something... grand, as we try to wonder if history will repeat itself. No worries, no more questions, just straight answers... answers, and action... answers, actions, and a$$ kicking.

Changes: With any first draft there are usually changes within the story. Sometimes these changes don't happen until the very last chapter... and usually before anyone sees the story. Since this is a fanfic and I was working from my notes and a very rough outline, I'm starting to see where I went wrong. The question is, should I share that error, or save it for the final draft? And yeah, I'm going to save it for the final draft.

What that means is that a lot of things that have been 'said' will be corrected after the final stage. Then I will release a downloadable version of the book with all the edits, corrections, and extras. So yes, you will have some questions not answered in the next 3 stages, but mostly everything will.

But soulguard, why did you post the story with errors? Good question. This fanfic had a definite storyline that I wanted to stick to, however, I was writing and posting each chapter as the story progressed. This means that any "plot" errors might slip through. When writing, it is usually a good idea to have a rough draft of the completed work, this is made much simpilar now in the digital age, unlike when writers only had typewriters. It is much more simple to go back after the completed story and say, "oh wait, Jack was not really jumping a candle stick, it was a metaphor." You are all the lucky ones for this particular endavor, because you are seeing a story being created from scratch, but you are also going to have to deal with all the typos, missed plot points, and errors in the characters. (Such as Kim suddenly becoming Melanies Younger sister, and then back to older sister).

Okay Soulguard, what if I don't want to read your story "AGAIN" to get the better version? Another good question. I can't make you all read this 400+ pages over again, especially since you know how it ends. But, there will be some new additions to the story and not to mention that I can clearlify some of the more confusing plot points. As I said, this is simply the first draft. If you read it again, you will get a lot more out of it... and plus you'll be able to read it without interruptions.

So for now, stay tuned. Stage 24 will be here friday to releave the stress that was left after stage 23. lol.

More soon

-soulguard

  • 11.01.2005 7:03 AM PDT
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Posted by: XworstpirateevaX
You should go read and copy their writing styles into a mixture of you're own. My style consists of Soul's character description, Clark's scene setting, and A little bit that I have incorporated from my own skills. Your goal in writing should be to NEVER confuse the reader. I prefer clear crisp details in every part of my story, so the reader is seeing every aspect of the story the way I see it.

But don't overdo it.... And that's a trap a lot of writers fall into... but not too little as well. I've read most of the fanfics here in New Mombasa by now. And I can compare them relatively well - except for Gnome's, which is weird but awesome - so I can give my own opinion without talking dumb stuff.

Soulguard, Scorptank and Mr_Clark do a great job at setting the scenery. Soul's best example is Dorenth, Scorp's is the Sharquoi home planet, and Clark's is the battles. Although I must say The Silky Carp is very good at describing - and the overall writing of - battles. Large ones. Though not many fanfic writers at Bungie experience much trouble writing action scenes, except for some who make it happen too fast.

HaloXenon has a very poetic way of describing things, cool, stylish, not my style, but good nonetheless. Some people write really short chapters - one, two, or maybe three posts on b.net - and spend too much time on describing the surroundings, thus leading the reader away from the storyline in an already short chapter. Finding a good balance is important, read through the stuff yourself - as a writer - and say "okay, now I know where I am" and continue on the storyline. It's as simple - and complicated - as that.

Edit: It's the fact that it is a fanfic, isn't it soulguard? I mean, it's meant to change. I think no writer on b.net will leave his fanfic the way it is now. I know that Scorp will totally re-write his first - ten or so - chapters, and you will edit your story as well. To read a story in its pure form is a cool thing for us readers, because you can see writers develop. I'll be one of those to completely reread If I Were Your Hero when you say your edits are done.

[Edited on 11/1/2005]

  • 11.01.2005 7:05 AM PDT
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Whoa! I'm sorry, soulguard. Lately, I haven't had a lot of time to go online, and I didn't get a PM for this one.... Despite Scorp's advertising... I still missed it... damn, I'm a dumb ass nerd.

A good Stage, compared to your normal standards, rather confusing and overlapping on some occasions, but I won't go into detail on that, because everybody's already been nagging your head off about it. (Sorry everybody)

I sort of liked the part where we skipped back into Stage 22, Siren's interaction with the Keeper, and how he fixed her/owned her. Forerunners rule sometimes.... It took me a while to know where we were back then, and though I am not a cliche man, or like melodrama, you could have made Justin's death some more dramatic. Not the *rip head off. Done* type of thing... sorry, nagging once again, like some others... though Shaun of the Dead didn't occur to me... perhaps because I didn't see the film.

The interaction with Rose and the Grunt - I forgot his name - was a good thing, though a Grunt we already would have been better, I'm not really sure if there are... besides Palab, but he would have been a good choice. Not better, but good as well. I think to introduce the Grunt at the same time he had the conversation with Rose was a bit... confusing.

The rest was just fine, another Flood form, cool, I don't like it, but cool. That Gravemind's a tough son of a -blam!-. He's like a Dutchie, you can't kill 'em... a joke between me and some Dutchies here on the internet... LOL.

Fine job, a little less than the humongouslydungusly high standards you normally achieve, but just fine. A good read.

  • 11.01.2005 7:16 AM PDT
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Wait...? No PM? Do you hate me that much, soulguard? I don't understand.... Well, I've read the new Stage anyway, so I'll give my - really short, because thousands of people preceded me - review.

..... Damn. I can't say anything new about this. I think if you look at MG42's review, you'll see my opinion on this Stage reflected rather brilliantly.


Posted by: MG42 SAW
Fine job, a little less than the humongouslydungusly high standards you normally achieve, but just fine. A good read.

A quote that should be in the Quoteness Book of Records.

  • 11.01.2005 9:13 AM PDT

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You didn't recieve a PM?? And MG42, you as well?

Hmm. Well it is certainly not because I hate you. I thought for certain that I PM'd all the regulars, perhaps something went a fowl with the system this time. I will be sure that it won't happen again... cause I'm certain that I did PM you both. As well as SpecOps....

-soulguard

  • 11.01.2005 9:55 AM PDT
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Posted by: soulguard
You didn't recieve a PM?? And MG42, you as well?

Hmm. Well it is certainly not because I hate you. I thought for certain that I PM'd all the regulars, perhaps something went a fowl with the system this time. I will be sure that it won't happen again... cause I'm certain that I did PM you both. As well as SpecOps....

-soulguard

Well, SpecOps has a busy life and... wait... he did reply here. Did he complain about not receiving a PM. Anyway, I was just kidding. It doesn't matter, I've been rather inactive here lately, I'll be a bit more active, just so I don't miss any more heads-ups. And I should be ashamed.... Scorp advertised in big, red letters - if that were possible here on Bungie - and I missed it. Or ignored it. Or whatever. Anyway, I'll be here for the next stage....

  • 11.01.2005 10:11 AM PDT
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Posted by: Guilty Mark VII
I've been rather inactive here lately, I'll be a bit more active, just so I don't miss any more heads-ups. And I should be ashamed.... Scorp advertised in big, red letters - if that were possible here on Bungie - and I missed it. Or ignored it. Or whatever. Anyway, I'll be here for the next stage....

Same here... sorry soul.

  • 11.01.2005 10:13 AM PDT
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well, now that i have power back (im in florida), i got around to powering up my modem and getting on here to read the stage, and even though it was slower paced and less action packed than the last few, i still thought it was informative and important. looking forward to the next one :)

  • 11.01.2005 2:41 PM PDT
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I like how it's coming so far. Excellent, excellent work. I've just been wondering, are we going to see any more of Gridolee? He kind of disappeared after the watchman attack, and up until that point the development of his character was leading me to think he would continue to play a prominent part in the story. I suppose a few characters like him are on the backburner for now, but he is the one that most comes to my mind because he is a very interesting character that brings alot of tension and intrigue into the story.

Thanks for the pm's, Can't wait to see what you do in the next 3 chapters! ;D

  • 11.01.2005 6:46 PM PDT
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i didn't get a pm but hey i don't care i check the thread every time i can

and i understand why you are doing this but im sure a lot of people will want to reread the whole thing once its finished in one big chunk

  • 11.02.2005 12:36 AM PDT

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Thanks Highland... sorry you didn't get a PM. I will have to investigate this problem now, I am certain I PM'd you. So now I know that something went wrong.

UpdateThings are going nicely on this chapter, and I really hope you can all like the 'change' (you'll see what I mean). So far a lot of people seem concerend (PM's and a few statements on the thread) about Rose and Migpap.

Why not have her talking to Palab? I had considered using Palab after chapter 22, to be Rose's only true friend, but after considering the down side to that, I decided to use another grunt. Don't worry, the Mirratord are going to play one hell of major part in these concluding stages. And you have to take notice that Migpap is determined to become stronger, a better fighter... and so is Rose. These two characters will play a key role in the closing stages as the "Change" builds within one of my primary characters.

Some of you will hate the 'change' but I will say that it was hinted at in stages 11 and 12. But I think most of you will agree to this course of action, that it was extremely predictable and justifiable.

The location of Lieutanent Gridolee is also being revealed in this stage. He didn't go anywhere, but I found that he hasn't fit in the past two stages. After he left the battle there wasn't much use for him story wise, but trust me, he'll be there when it counts... and I'm not talking about fighting. Gridolee also plays as a contradictory charcter in this story.

Beside the main five characters (Rose, Eric, Melanie, Siren and Wesley) there are several side chacters to this story that will play key roles, and have been put here for a purpose...
Palab, Simyaldee, Gridolee, High Elder Vornaldea, Supreme Commander Timnaldee, Captain Monroe, Kelly, Dr. Halsey, and Elder Belmaeda. These characters will still play some part in the story before its conclusion. Ackerson and his fleet of the 501st, are there, but not considerable to this story. Important somewhat, but small.

I'm hoping to have it done by friday. More info soon.

-soulguard

PS: Battlefront 2 is fun... not halo, but fun. Wipping out the jedi never felt so good. lol

  • 11.02.2005 10:10 AM PDT