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This topic has moved here: Subject: [Story] Awakening, after halo 3 (part 2 out now)
  • Subject: [Story] Awakening, after halo 3 (part 2 out now)
Subject: [Story] Awakening, after halo 3 (part 2 out now)

-eddy!
huh! What? It was the other guy, honest! ;)
'it was a sniper!' looks down at my sniper
uhh yeah? hes got one too. XD

bare with me this is the first time ive written one of these

Introduction:

Utter darkness, there's no smell, no heat or cold there's nothing.
Well there is one thing, a mocking laughter, unending, unchanging and very familiar.

In the darkness something stirs, all there is is a hazy outline, yet it's easy to tell that it's massive and hostile. A quick check tells me that I'm weapon less, wait, in one of my pouches there's the energy sword given to me by someone. I can't remember who but I know he has fought by my side many times.

Just by having some sort of weapon I feel relieved, but when the plasma reveals the monster that rears before me my glimmer of hope vanishes.
I leap towards the creature, I yell my defiance, my fear, and for the fallen.
I remember what, who this thing is, a gravemind, leader of a parasitic species, the enemy I destroyed.
Out of the darkness I hear something, a steadily increasing roar, then suddenly yelled from nowhere the voice of the one person still with me.
"Chief! Wake up, there's not much time!"
The urgency in here voice, after what felt like so long. The need to do my duty, no matter the consequences drove away the lead that seemed to hold my limbs down.

_____________________________________________________________

I flew out of the cryotube fists at the ready, no longer was I to sleep, to slowly float through space while humanity faced the unknown. Right now, I was needed, to do my duty or to make sure I lived to carry out my duty.
There in font of me on a holographic pedestal stood Cortana, hands on hips.
"About time chief, we've got a problem"
I reach around the cryotube and grab the assault rifle, while checking for any damage, I reply
"Just like old times then, what's wrong?"

any tips would be appreciated

[Edited on 04.24.2009 8:11 AM PDT]

  • 04.17.2009 12:23 PM PDT
Subject: awakening, short story after halo 3
  • gamertag: rex131
  • user homepage:

-=PH=-

Good day. I'm an active and fairly enthusiastic member of the Bungie fan-base and pride myself on many qualities. If you want to send me a PM, go right ahead. No I won't spam your inbox with group invites, I will respond in the best way possible. Thank you, and as I had opened, I'll close - good day.


Rex131, PHaNToM1325, TheKiNG1325, TheRoadrunner13, PainedHope13

Personally, I enjoy the story-line. The ending and thought behind the story is cool, and would be a good intro to a new game. However, the writing is choppy and a bit awkward wording at parts, but good for your first piece.

-=PH=-

  • 04.18.2009 9:17 AM PDT
Subject: awakening, after halo 3 [story] (part 1 out now)

-eddy!
huh! What? It was the other guy, honest! ;)
'it was a sniper!' looks down at my sniper
uhh yeah? hes got one too. XD

thanks, heres the next part

Part One: There's always something
The Dawn, Cryostorage 3
Unknown date & time
System: N/A
Mission: N/A
Squad: Classified

"Well Chief, we've been found, but they're not human, whoever 'they' are", Cortana waves a hand through the air, "with what's left of The Dawn's scanners its hard to tell anything, roughly the ship is about 1 kilometre long, but that's all I know, weapons, shields cant get a fix on, either they don't have any or they're a very advance race, lets hope for the former but still, I think we should be ready for anything."
Looking round I see that nothings changed from when I went into cryo. "Okay, fill me in, what's our tactical option, where's the armoury and what birds do we have left?"
I look around for anything that might be of use. Attached to the back of the cryotube is an oxygen tank; I turn the valve off and brace myself in the 0-gee to rip it off its mountings. It comes of quietly in the vacuum of space; I attach it onto my back weapon plate, then connect the cable to my auxiliary air port and turn on the valve. At last some good news, the tanks was 3 quarters full, at least air won't be a top priority for the moment. "Okay Chief, we have 20 archer missile pods, altogether though we only have 53 missiles, most exploded when the Dawns hull was ripped in half. There is a single flight worthy pelican which is luckily fully stocked; we're not going to need that armoury now Chief. I've placed a marker on the pelican, head there and we can use the missiles as a distraction if things turn ugly."
I'm already moving towards the marker "have you tried signalling the ship? Use a weak signal, and loop it back"
I turn down a corridor, the lights flicker and die; I turn on my headlight and carry on.
"Signalling them now Chief, interesting, they're asking if we need assistance, its not humans but I think its, no it cant be, its grunts, its highly unlikely but it would explain why they don't have any shields or weapons.
In front of me doors open and an elevator shaft appears, the marker is pointing downwards yet I still look up, part of my training really. Up? Or is it down, I really hate 0-gee, anyway. 'Up' the shaft there's the blackness of space, down there's the flicker of lights showing the different decks.
I grasp the handle by the doors and push myself off increasing my speed, as I near the bottom I slowly turn and brace my legs to absorb the momentum and not send me flying back up. I hit the bottom of the shaft and grab the handle next to be in case I do bounce. I slowly float upwards towards the next set of doors. They slowly open and reveal the hangar bay.
Crates ripped free of their packaging and pieces of the charred hull floated aimlessly past, a pelican pinned to the ceiling by the magnetic clamps which had come loose. To the right the only other pelican in the bay was still secure in place.
The pelican's ramp opens and crates blow out with the air. I glide in brushing past the floating debris and secure the air tank in the riggings above the seats, I open weapon crates which float past and take clips for the assault rifle. I pick up a shotgun and box of shells caught on one of the seats straps, and sling the shotgun on its strap over my shoulder and put the shells in my pouches. I grab a rucksack of the wall and put in as many clips, grenades and shells as possible and anything else to hand that might be of use in an emergency, like first aid kits & rations. I float towards the cockpit and stuff the rucksack under the co-pilots chair.
"Signal them and tell them who we are, any sign of hostile activity and you fire those missiles and get this pelican out of here, don't forget I need you in here with me not on this ship."
I hit the ramp and it closes, the outer bay doors open just in case and I strap myself into the pilot's chair. "Chief! They're saying that they're transporting goods and UNSC personnel, they've got slipspace capabilities. We can get back to earth!"
I hit the quick release button and float towards the rear of the pelican; I drop the ramp "That's grea-"
"Chief" I'm detecting energy signatures all around us. It's a covenant fleet! They've opened fire!"

ill post the part after this when theres a couple more comments
any tips or critism will be welcomed
saying its bad does not help, elaborate please

[Edited on 04.18.2009 11:30 AM PDT]

  • 04.18.2009 11:22 AM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

Paragraph spacing, in-depth detail and I suggest you do NOT put unrelated stuff in the same post as the story.

  • 04.18.2009 12:51 PM PDT

-eddy!
huh! What? It was the other guy, honest! ;)
'it was a sniper!' looks down at my sniper
uhh yeah? hes got one too. XD

Part Two, It hits the fan
The Dawn, bay 3, Pelican Bravo 4
Unknown date & time
System: N/A
Mission: N/A
Squad: Classified

The ramp closes, a thud reverberates throughout the hull, "Missiles launched Chief hold on!" I strap into the nearest seat as the pelican veers through the open doors.
"Chief, your not going to like it but I have a plan" my stomach does a back flip as the ship flips and swerves around a storm of plasma heading towards The Dawn and the grunt ship. "There's a small ship straight ahead, if we can board it we might be able to get the hell out of here."
It's this part of the missions I always hate, not being able to do a damned thing while there's a fight going on, just got to sit back and pray that we don't get blown to hell.
"Chief! Get ready, the missiles have been programmed to target the ship in front and knock out its shields" even as Cortana speaks I see a wave of exhaust fumes collide with pinpoint lasers, only half of them make it through and burst on the shields, it flickers but holds, barely. "I'm engaging them chief, hold onto something" I feel the deck vibrate as the anvil VI warheads fire, along with the chinguns. The warheads impact on the shields, but they still hold, the chinguns have little effect. "Chief this isn't going to work, we got to-"
"Keep on course, I've got a plan" I float towards the cockpit, "full thrust now and get ready to go" I grab the rucksack and throw it over my shoulders backwards so that the pouch is round the front, I put the assault rile and shotgun in the sides. I pull out Cortana's memory chip from the NAV computer and slot it into the first memory port. "Still plenty of room in here I see" she just couldn't resist her customary jibe.
"You mind, maybe after we're out of this situation?" I retort as I pull the air tank down from the riggings and secure it to my back; I look around desperately for what I need. There wedged under the last but one seat, an arc welder, I grab it and tie a cable to it which I secure around my waist.
I brace myself as I drop ramp, "20 seconds till impact, whatever your planning Chief you better do it now!" The air rushes out, when it's settled I push off perpendicular to the hull. I let out a stream of air from the tank and slowly glide toward the covenant ship. A few seconds later the pelican is hit by a bolt of superheated plasma it slows down but its initial momentum keeps it going and collides with the ship. As planned its shields flicker and die out as the plasma and fuel blow up in the ensuring fireball. I quickly release more air until I collide with hull. I cut off the air straight away; I'm probably going to need it. I slide over the hull, trying to find a handhold before I bounce off.
There! A tear in the hull, a shard of the pelican must have grazed the hull. It left a tear in the luminous purple of the covenant hull. I wedge my fist into this tear using my strength to widen the gap and I come to an abrupt stop. My momentum stopped I quickly get to work.

  • 04.18.2009 12:55 PM PDT