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  • Subject: The Real Bnet News
Subject: The Real Bnet News
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Bungie.net Implodes!

Last night at approximately 2200 GMT (This Reporter must promptly apologise for his inability to understand time zones and therefore is unable to convert to PST). The Zanzibar section of Bungie.net imploded. Shortly after the statistics for Bungie’s popular Halo 2 Video Game were reset. A thousand angry gamers stormed Zanzibar, and the iron girders that support Bungie’s server collapsed and the forums imploded, trapping thousands inside. A huge rescue attempt was promptly organised by members of the “Flood” forum. Unfortunately, these members did little but shout seemingly meaningless war cries and run into walls.

One lucky survivor escaped from the wreckage. This reporter was the first to speak to him:

“I went on the Bungie forums because I was mad that I lost all my levels and I was REALLY ANGRY. So I went on the forums and I was the only person that was angry about losing levels. Everyone else was complaining about the new level system being rubbish. Then there was this earth-shattering creak. Like “CREEAAAAKK-blam!-!!!” and loads of error messages came up. So I posted that I hated error messages, and so did everyone else. That’s when it happened. The forums started collapsing in on everyone. There were hundreds screaming… Then there was this blinding flash and I think I was knocked out… Or I logged out… I forget which one.

Once I woke up, all I can remember is the pain. In the implosion, all of the threads must have exploded, because when I woke up there was a chunk of a thread sticking out of my leg, and it was bleeding. But luckily there was a member of the flood forum there to tell me who his favourite bands are. He removed the shard of thread from my leg and apparently “LEVELS!!! WTF!!!”

Over 300 000 people were using Zanzibar at this point, all but one are missing, presumed angry. Several people from the Septagon are standing on the wreckage advertising vBulletin, and this would never have happened had Bungie done what they had said. Frankly, This Reporter thinks it is neither the time nor the place.

This is Luke Waldock

Giving you the Real Bnet News

  • 05.06.2005 10:59 AM PDT
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...Wtf?

  • 05.06.2005 11:17 AM PDT

Add the email above to your MSN to contact me with emergencies on the forum.

FOR CARNAGE, APPLY WITHIN
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NO U! A Webcomic.
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:-D

That was pretty funny.

  • 05.06.2005 11:31 AM PDT
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The fact that he took the time to write that is a little scary.

[Edited on 5/6/2005]

  • 05.06.2005 11:41 AM PDT

4Base Avalanch MELTDOWN
battle is only a prayer.....
.......Better Start PRAYING!!!!!!!
Chapter Founders Bungie's Group Support
Mob of Angry Peasants

Posted by: TheTombland
Bungie.net Implodes!
“I went on the Bungie forums because I was mad that I lost all my levels and I was REALLY ANGRY.


Good...
Hey Joe can a get a wahhburger and french cries. Also throw in a sh.sh.sh...ake.

  • 05.06.2005 11:58 AM PDT

-Quaere verum.

Got a report? Use the report tool or send a pm.
Chairleg Productions presents: 'Console Wars' and 'Games as Art?' (also on Halo Waypoint).

... I suggest you just become a reporter and be done it with ;)

  • 05.06.2005 12:18 PM PDT

Nice.

  • 05.06.2005 1:23 PM PDT
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Posted by: awesomeo4000
The fact that he took the time to write that is a little scary.


I have a lot of time on my hands. Anyway, it only took like 10 mins...

  • 05.06.2005 2:07 PM PDT
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Nice...I like it.

  • 05.06.2005 2:11 PM PDT

Honestly, if you play Halo 2 for a rank, you're playing for the wrong reason. The ranking system is so people are paired with even matched partners and opponents, it isn't some kind of system to show social dominance.

  • 05.06.2005 2:20 PM PDT
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Okay, either you've somehow posted in the wrong thread or you've missed the point. That was my stab at satire. I don't necessarily agree with the way people play on live, but wether I like it or not, that IS the way people play.

  • 05.06.2005 2:32 PM PDT
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*Stands on wreckage*

*Points and laughs*

  • 05.07.2005 4:05 PM PDT
  •  | 
  • Exalted Legendary Member

Sam Fisher: Give me some intelligence or you'll be pushing up daisies in a cemetery full of guys just like you.
Hostage: I don't have any intelligence!
Sam: He he. You just called yourself stupid.

A worthier, new nobody.

Posted by: Ninja_Biscuits
*Stands on wreckage*

*Points and laughs*


Ha ha!

That was pretty funny man :-)

  • 05.07.2005 4:27 PM PDT
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Posted by: Ninja_Biscuits
*Stands on wreckage*

*Points and laughs*

It is Zanzibar afterall...

Tristan ;-)

  • 05.07.2005 4:56 PM PDT
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........./¯\)..................
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.....(____|).................. Gamertag: mmbtaco
.....(____|)..................

  • 05.10.2005 4:20 PM PDT

It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier, not the lawyer, who has given us the right to a fair trial. And it is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves the flag, whose coffin is draped in the flag that allows the protester to burn the flag.Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC

Hate to tell u this mr mod, but Almost everyone plays to gain rank. No matter how much you guys say its just to match you with others players.

Cheating and Standby are all because of match making, the rank is what drives most people to play. I often find myself pissed after losing or tieing a game. I know it should bother me, but it does.

That little number next to peoples name means more to most then u guys say it does.
Sorry but its the truth. A halo with out ranks would be a halo without cheating and -blam!-s.

  • 05.10.2005 4:45 PM PDT

Eagle
lol I play to have a bit of fun, its a game, don't take it so seriously!
Even without the ranking system cheating would be prolific, the reason people cheat? Cause they can!
Anyway, that report! Very funny! :) Perked up my day.

  • 05.10.2005 4:57 PM PDT

It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier, not the lawyer, who has given us the right to a fair trial. And it is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves the flag, whose coffin is draped in the flag that allows the protester to burn the flag.Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC

I just wish there would be no ranking in any game

  • 05.10.2005 5:33 PM PDT

It was a cold day near the southern base in Blood Gulch. Cortana and I were relaxing over a game of Go Fish, WHEN OUT OF NO WHERE 700 BANSHEES CAME FLYING IN!!! I GRABED MY SPARTAN LASER AND LET HELL REIGN DOWN UPON THEM. I HOPPED IN THE NEAREST WARTHOG AND TOLD CORTANA TO GET IN.

Then nobody would want to play. People play so they can win (or most people). I love the ranking. Nothing wrong with a little healthy compettion, right? I mean, I love getting "into the zone". and that feeling you get after winning a Kingof the Hill game by 4 seconds. If it wasn't for the ranking, that would be much harder to do. It would either be too easy or too hard all of the time. You might get one good game out of 2 hours of playing.

  • 05.11.2005 4:22 AM PDT
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Posted by: Nosferatu_Soldie
Honestly, if you play Halo 2 for a rank, you're playing for the wrong reason. The ranking system is so people are paired with even matched partners and opponents, it isn't some kind of system to show social dominance.


Then get rid of the leaderboards that are mostly dominated by cheaters. Just recently i checked head to head one and the top players are stat boosters. Well, the top one at least i didn't check the others.

You say rank doesn't matter but then you give out prizes to team preview leaderboard dominators and show the world whos in first. I don't understand.

Better yet hide the stats so then no one will cheat or worry about thier rank.

  • 05.11.2005 2:41 PM PDT
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It had it all! Anger. Sarcasm. Fear of women. I loved it!

2 thumbs up!

  • 05.11.2005 3:00 PM PDT
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I think there should be a ranking system but not the way it currently is. You don't have to show the matchmaking level if its just to match people of similar skill together. If you put "levels" into a game, people will want to "level up". You can't stop this, its human nature.

[Edited on 5/11/2005]

  • 05.11.2005 5:58 PM PDT

It is the soldier, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press. It is the soldier, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech. It is the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the freedom to demonstrate. It is the soldier, not the lawyer, who has given us the right to a fair trial. And it is the soldier who salutes the flag, who serves the flag, whose coffin is draped in the flag that allows the protester to burn the flag.Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC

Posted by: Gorgerwert
Posted by: Nosferatu_Soldie
Honestly, if you play Halo 2 for a rank, you're playing for the wrong reason. The ranking system is so people are paired with even matched partners and opponents, it isn't some kind of system to show social dominance.


Then get rid of the leaderboards that are mostly dominated by cheaters. Just recently i checked head to head one and the top players are stat boosters. Well, the top one at least i didn't check the others.

You say rank doesn't matter but then you give out prizes to team preview leaderboard dominators and show the world whos in first. I don't understand.

Better yet hide the stats so then no one will cheat or worry about thier rank.


Dont get me wrong i am all for STATs, such as the Death kill and win loss ratios, plus medals and headshots.

  • 05.12.2005 3:34 AM PDT