- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
In basic theory, I would be all for a Halo movie. It’s just such a cool idea. But it would be a very delicate project. As a general rule, video games turned movies are usually a disappointment, mainly because they don’t follow the stories they’re supposed to. At most, they are nothing but eye candy…kinda like the Tomb Raider movies. And then, of course, there are those that have been completely slaughtered on the big screen and have nothing to do with any part of the games (1993’s Super Mario Bros - may it rest in peace).
Part of the reason I am really interested in the Halo movie is because I am working my way towards becoming a director and I have thought many times about making my favorite video games into movies. But there are so many elements that wouldn’t work. The Legend of Zelda, for example, could never be a movie because, well…Link doesn’t talk. And you can't have a movie without the main character saying something. Link is one of those guys that just can't talk…EVER. It would be so inhuman and unmerciful to have him say coherent sentences. Even in Soul Calibur II, all he said in his profile was variations of “hiyaa!” And the 1980’s LOZ cartoon didn’t count because it felt like a completely different thing than the games.
However, that being said, there are several factors that increase Halo’s chances of being a successful movie. First and foremost, the characters talk and many of them wear armor, so the looks and sounds could be very similar to the game, and characters like the Covenant and Cortana could keep the original VAs. Secondly, the Halo books are very, very good. Wow. They have feasible storylines and plots that would be accepted by more than the Bungie crowd. And another plus is that the Spartans’ costumes would be easy because the wonderful people at Nightmare Armor have already made MJOLLNIR armor (it’s one of the most beautiful things in the world - only $3,000 to live Halo everyday of your life, anytime, anywhere. That, and it is oh so sexy).
But wait. Alas, there are some things that even the sex appeal of MJOLLNIR couldn’t save. Namely…HOLLYWOOD!! My God, do they have a way of ruining things. Yeah, as in if they got a hold of the rights to Halo, and the screenwriter was some stupid person (i.e. not me), and the director was some stupid person (i.e. not me), they would more than likely put something like one of those pointless, clichéd romances in there - not that I‘m pointing fingers *coughlordoftheringscoughackwheeze*. And then we’d all be sitting in the theatres and have to see things like Keyes and Dr. Hasley make out or Master Chief and someone like Kelly or Linda or Cortana (what?) get married and start a family and live happily ever after, and also, because it’d obviously be rated ”R” - for violence - Hollywood would exploit that and include something nasty like freakish grunty sex. Ha! Wait! What? Damnit! What the hell is wrong with those people?!
So…Halo as a movie…I’d see it. Perchance one day I’ll make it myself. But until that day comes (or…doesn’t come…?), I can survive on the books and the games and the videos that everyone else makes about Halo.