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  • Subject: Greatest story
Subject: Greatest story
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Ok, here's my favorite story i made up a few weeks ago. It's like the sequal to my first story, but this one actually has a story line.(based after the human-covenant war) This is only part 1.

8:00 am. The room lighted up as a man walked into it. He was the head of the UNTS (United Nation's technology and sience) building. He headed toward the elevator. The terminal near it lit up and a small AI came out of it. "Good morning captain, please look into the red line on the elevator." The AI said. The light shined bright for a few seconds, then turned off. The elevator door opened. "Everything seems ok, go ahead in captain Robert J. Geoth." The AI said then smiled at him. "Thank you Lidya." The captian said. He walked into the elevator, some music came on, it was an old style of music. Heavy metal. "Lidya, who let seargant Johnson in?" The captain said. "You did sir, why?" "He's been messing with the elevator music again." The captain joked.

8:15 am.The elevator door opened, 39th floor down. It was his office, he walked through the door and sat down at his desk. He looked at his computer and checked to see if everything was stable. "Status." The captain said. The AI Lidya came up on the 2nd screen. "Everything is normal, Except for the central tempurature. But with our new instalments they should be cooled in 15 minutes, the time the scientists should get here." The captain looked at the highlighted temperature, 12,456 degrees Farienhieght (spelling?). The normal tempurature is 10,000. "Is anyone going to be late?" The captain asked. "I've checked the escort cars, all 600,000 are acounted for. Noone behind schedual either. Everyone should be on time." The AI said. "Good, how are the subjects doing?" The captain asked nervously. "We can't find out until the workers come."

8:30. The scientists all got here on time. They got to their labs and computers, the guards went to the doors and terminals, and started their schedual. The captain went to his files to look over the report that changed their lives.
{[Liton's team has gone through an underground base. It was disguised as an insane assyalum, but they had been making experiments as it seems. They were atacked by the monsters the experiments created. We have secured the level we were attacked on. We have found our lost teamates. They destroyed the hologram projecters that made it look like they were being attacked by "ghosts", yet they have not found any information on the ghost girl they saw. We have killed the monsters and will send them to you to study, along with the information found in the terminals.]} "Captain?" The AI said. "What?" The captaiin said in suprise. "Would you like to see the subjects status now?" She said. "Sure go ahead" The captain said, closing the file.

{to be continued} Tell me what you think

[Edited on 7/21/2004 6:17:48 PM]

  • 07.21.2004 3:35 PM PDT
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"Ok captain, this may take a while, you can go back to whatever you were doing." The ai said then disapeared of his screen. He opened his files again. He opened the one carrying the info from the secured floors in the base.
{[ year 2479 The creatures are amazing, they have grown 27% in their size since we started to experiment on them. We have created a place for them to live. We study them through the cameras. The land creatures who have almost the same bone structure as we do are ignoring the others and eating only their own. Others that have taken the chemicals badly and mutated to live in water (Since we kept them in water they adapted to it) are enormuos. They can break through the groun to reach the land creatures. Truly we are making a breakthrough in science. ]}
"Strange, I wonder how these creatures couldn't escape at that time." The captain whispered. He opened up another file.
{[ year 2480 The land creatures have evolved into more inteligent creatures, they are no longer caniblelistic, they have somehow driven away the sea creatures. They must have found a way into the sea above us. Now the land creatures eat the plants around them. A few of the scientists are missing though. On the second floor down we have evacuated, the creatures there have grown inteligent, inteligent enough to speak. we have gone into the lower levels and sealed off any way back up.
year 2490. We have run out of supplies. No matter, we have sent our project information into space, hoping for some unsc ship to pick it up. The alarm has sounded! The creatures are loose! If anyone finds this in the 2nd floor's main computer, what ever you do, don't-
]}
The file ended. "If only we could find out what he was going to say..." The captian said. Lidya came up. "The creatures are still in deep sleep, everything normal. On the COM Liton said he was coming with his team to come and inspect things captain. Just wanted to warn you."

[to be continued]

[Edited on 7/21/2004 5:31:10 PM]

  • 07.21.2004 5:07 PM PDT
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Dude This story was kick ass man Keep writin more ninja


Juggalo for life Woot Woot!

  • 07.21.2004 8:35 PM PDT
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Thanks for replying, do you want me 2 continue?

  • 07.21.2004 8:36 PM PDT
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dont continue, ur a loser, stop wasting ur time writing dumbass stories, god damn they were horrible.

  • 07.21.2004 8:58 PM PDT

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5. Seven is not optional, but rather, an inevitability.

Posted by: Sockman5
dont continue, ur a loser, stop wasting ur time writing dumbass stories, god damn they were horrible.


Liton, keep writing your story just so you can piss of pricks like this guy. Enjoy reading, -blam!-.

-Cannon-

  • 07.21.2004 9:01 PM PDT
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Great story man, just work on better descriptions dont listen to pricks who are just jealous of yor writing, and in order to get better you gotta keep writing so go for it! I lovd the story

  • 07.21.2004 9:04 PM PDT
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9:00 am. Liton and his team drove down the dirt rode to the UNTS building.The 5 transportation warthogs stoped at the gate, guards came and inspected the trunk for problems that might cause an explosion. The car Liton was in was checked out first. "Everything seems ok." The guard said. Liton nodded, then drove on into parking.He waited at the door for his team to get through. A few minutes later everyone was at the door. Liton typed in a code at the door. Lidya, the AI poped up. "Hello Liton, I'll tell the captain you are here.

9:05 am. Captain Geoth was reading through some lab reports. He never paid attention to certain things. He opened one up, before he read it, the second screen came on. "Liton has arrived captain." Lidya said. "Send him in, I have to discus something with him and his team."

[sry it's so short, i have to do sumthin, to be continued]

  • 07.21.2004 9:05 PM PDT
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Thank you for replying, I have to do sumthin though, sry. I'll write more later. Oh, and that flamer doesn't bother me. So don't worry.

  • 07.21.2004 9:07 PM PDT
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Sockman5,

Dude ur a dumb ass flamer I bet u couldnt wrtie like that so stop flamin

[Edited on 7/21/2004 9:15:40 PM]

  • 07.21.2004 9:12 PM PDT
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9:06 am. After Lidya went away Captain Geoth looked at the report he had opened.{[Lab # 396. One of the creatures isn't taking the vitamins well. This creature seems to have a more defined bone structure as the rest, maybe there is still some human in it somehow. We are changing it's vitamins to the ones humans take.]} The captain scratched his chin for a while. The elevator door opened, Liton and 9 other spartans from his team. He saluted to him. The captain stood up and returned the salute. "At ease soldier. Liton, This project has become dangerous. Liton looked around the room for a second, then started to speak. "Yes captain, I've looked at the files from the building." "That's not all, I've been looking at my reports, it seems they are geting human features, not ones to make them turn back, but ones to make them intelligent, I fear they might beable to escape." The captain said. He sat down at his desk then noticed a new lab report.
{[Lab # 56. The creatures in this room, and others around us seem to be growing and moving. This can't be good, request for a traquilizer team.]} "Lidya, get a tranquilizer team to all levels ASAP." The captain yelled. "Tranquiliser team? That's what you've been doing to keep them asleep? That won't last long, they will become imune to it." Liton said. "Don't worry, we change the chemicals in it each time." The captain said. "We have prepared rooms for you and your team, you might want to take a look at them. The rest of your team is already there." "You have rooms? I though you hade houses to live at." Liton said. "Yeah but only on the weekends." The captain said, closing his files and lab reports. Liton went to the elevator with his team. He looked for dormatories (spelling?). He clicked it, the elevator door opened, he and his team went into it. As the elevator went down, he and his team thought of how poor the work is here, they leave the creatures alone for two days. They don't use any of the UN's provided things instead they use tranquilizers. It was only a matter of time until the creatures would escape. He didn' understand why they haven't killed them either.

9:30 am. Liton had got his entire team into the elevator. He explained how the creatures might escape. The spartans heard an eplosion, the elavator stoped. Yells for help came from everywhere. The alarm came on. The spartans began to hit the open door buton. The lights went out. The siren went off. "You think they stoped them?" One spartan said. Multiple long bellows answered him. They all got out there guns,shot the door open, and went into a large room with no electricity, The cafeteria, none of the creatures would be here. They heard a door above them opend and shut. "ODSTs." One spartan whispered. They heard their foot steps, then a horrifying scream, and then they heard heads and bodies hit the floor. This was the first time they felt "fear".

[too be continued]

[Edited on 7/22/2004 6:15:37 PM]

  • 07.22.2004 6:44 AM PDT
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Ok, tell me what you think of it. Give me some tips too. I won't write more if you don't reply, it makes me think you don't like it. And if you don't, go to another thread instead of flaming me.

  • 07.22.2004 5:54 PM PDT
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Hmm....Put more detail into them, a lot more detail on certain areas. Also make things longer, and the little timers at the beginning of every paragraph are a bit annoying. Give a centralized time and keep track in your head and in the story through little phrashes like " roughly 15 minutes had passed since...." and such. Another thing, grammar. Do a spell check before you post these and read through making sure you use the right spelling of certain words. (ie There, they're, and their. Too, to and two, etc.) It'll help while we read. That will make things much better.

  • 08.04.2004 9:27 AM PDT
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Posted by: Hikaru 119
Hmm....Put more detail into them, a lot more detail on certain areas. Also make things longer, and the little timers at the beginning of every paragraph are a bit annoying. Give a centralized time and keep track in your head and in the story through little phrashes like " roughly 15 minutes had passed since...." and such. Another thing, grammar. Do a spell check before you post these and read through making sure you use the right spelling of certain words. (ie There, they're, and their. Too, to and two, etc.) It'll help while we read. That will make things much better.


you like men

  • 08.04.2004 9:28 AM PDT
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that gets old after the 1st time.

  • 08.04.2004 9:37 AM PDT
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Posted by: Liton
that gets old after the 1st time.


so does your mom

  • 08.04.2004 9:37 AM PDT
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True, you say that all the time.

  • 08.04.2004 9:38 AM PDT