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This topic has moved here: Subject: [Story] P.C.U. The Proud Defenders of Earth. (P.3 The Armory)
  • Subject: [Story] P.C.U. The Proud Defenders of Earth. (P.3 The Armory)
Subject: [Story] P.C.U. The Proud Defenders of Earth. (P.3 The Armory)
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When life gives you lemons, ferment them and get drunk.

Chapter 1: Enlistment


Lieutenant Roy Galahad was staring at the arched cieling of his barracks, wondering what would happen next. As an ODST, his life was full of excitement, peril, horror, and death, and that's just the way he liked it. The COM channel activated with a screech, " Lieutenand Galahad, report to the Captain's office immidiately." Roy cursed that god damn officer under his breath. The Lieutenant was convinced he was about to recieve his third verbal beating this week for almost blowing the dining hall into pieces. He walked out of the barracks into broad daylight, squinting as the sun shined into his eyes. Roy ran to the Captains quarters as fast as possible. By the time he entered the room, he was soaked in sweat.

Captain Holomer starred at his drenched fatigues, "Getting some exercise i see."

"Yes sir." Roy hated him a little more at that moment. The guy just couldn't tone down on his sarcasm for five minutes to save his life.

"Well then, do you know why i have called you here."

Obviously not you idiot, "No sir."

The captain continued, "Well, you are one of our best Lieutenant."

"Thank you si-"

"Did i say i was finished talking? No, i did not. Now, seeing that you are one of our best, i have chosen you to be involved in a...special assignment. We all know that the Flood has breached our orbital defense system, and stepped onto Earth's soil. We can not let the public know this, especially now when we are losing to these god damn alien bastards. You're purpose is to keep this secret hidden by eleminating all Flood threats that we spot. A small squad will acompany you on all of youre missions. Any questions?"

Roy was in awe. How stupid was this man? A small squad taking hordes of Flood? This was a ridiculous idea, "Sir, with all due respect, this is suicide."

"So it would seem, but you will have quite a bit of resources at your disposal."

"Like?"

"Well that would be classified, until you sign this paper of course."

The Lieutenant squinted into the captains eyes, then sat down at his desk. The Captain pushed a paper over to Roy, and gave him a pen. The soldier quickely scanned it, "The P.C.U. hu? Parasite Control Unit. Sounds catchy enough for me."

Captain Holomer didn't change his stone cold facial expression. He obviously didn't appreciate humor from the other side, "Will you sign the god damn paper already?"

"Yes sir." Roy put his signature down on the three blank spots without reading anything but the title of the contract."

Now the Captain did something Roy though he would never do. The man laughed, " Son, you've just stepped into a whole nother kinda crazy."

[Edited on 09.01.2009 9:28 PM PDT]

  • 08.28.2009 3:52 PM PDT
Subject: [Fan Fic] P.C.U. The Proud Defenders of Earth.
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-=PH=-

Good day. I'm an active and fairly enthusiastic member of the Bungie fan-base and pride myself on many qualities. If you want to send me a PM, go right ahead. No I won't spam your inbox with group invites, I will respond in the best way possible. Thank you, and as I had opened, I'll close - good day.


Rex131, PHaNToM1325, TheKiNG1325, TheRoadrunner13, PainedHope13

Nice job. I thought it was quite well-written, and great as an introduction. Some spelling things first off: excitement, especially, ridiculous, and you should put an ' in front of nother, since it isn't exactly a word. Something I would do is describe the setting a little better (the camp and such) because this is an introduction, and what is an introduction if not a piece to describe the setting and characters? That brings me to another thing: I loved the 2 men introduced. In the way you describe them I could make out a lot about them and their personality. 2 more suggestions though would be to first edit the part where you wrote how the Captain disliked humor, but earlier you said he was sarcastic. You should edit something about that since you kind of contradicted yourself. Last thing is that you might want to stretch out the Captain's dialogue before he gives the orders. I'm not sure, it just seemed a bit sudden to me. Anyway, overall, I liked it; well done.

  • 08.28.2009 7:35 PM PDT

Honor Light Your Way, Our Blood Shall Forge A Thousand Generations!.

The name really got my intention. Quality work, Teamkill. Go check out art two of The Spartans :)

  • 08.28.2009 8:35 PM PDT
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When life gives you lemons, ferment them and get drunk.

I ussualy use microsoft word for edditing, but this time i didnt want to go through all of the striping extended code crap so i wrote it kind of hastily. The jump to the captains orders in the dialague is meant to show that he doesn't like to socialize. Thank you for commenting in such great detail, i will work on the improvements immidiately :D

  • 08.29.2009 7:26 AM PDT
Subject: [Fan Fic] P.C.U. The Proud Defenders of Earth. (P.2 The Team)
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When life gives you lemons, ferment them and get drunk.

Part 2 The Team

Roy sat leaned against the wall of a small room. It consisted of four chairs, and nothing else. The Lieutenant was waiting to meet his team. He had been on that wall for two hours, and for a man like him, that was torture. The door handle rattled. Roy couldn't figure out how to unlock it quick enough. The door flew off its hinges. The officer narrowly dodged it. A man in fatigues entered, "Thanks for letting me in."

Roy knew he wasn't going to like this guy. Two other men entered the room. Everyone stood there in an awkward silence. Roy cleared his throat, "So, I am-"

"Lieutenant Roy Galahad." One of the soldiers interrupted, "Yes I have read your report. It is quite fascinating actually. You have shown many feats of strength and bravery over your-"

Another man groaned, "That's enough Will."

"My apologies." He smiled. So far, Roy had an A hole, and a tool in his squadron.

"Specialist Jack Taloner. I'm your heavy weapons man. Private Will Rodgers here is your sharp shooter and technological expert. And thi-"

"Private Brian Donnelly. Human and Covenant vehicle expert. Now what the hell are we doing in here?"

Roy looked at him, first the man kicks down a door, and then continues to be extremely obnoxious, "I think this is meant to be bonding time."

Donnelly looked around the room, "Yea uhh...no." The soldier walked through the open doorway.

Will frowned, "Excuse him, he's a bit...out of control."

"I can see that." The Lieutenant exhaled, they were going to have to pull it together if they were going to survive any mission. He found himself wondering if it was a good idea to have signed that paper. He was satisfied as an ODST, and this " P.C.U." was starting to sound like a load of bull.

"Well," Jack looked at his watch, "We've got an hour in here before we have to go to the armory. Then again, nobody really said we have to stay here."

Will put on a smile, "I could get us through the security lock of the food storage facility. I believe it contains alcohol."

A large grin appeared on Lieutenant Roy's face. Ya know, this guy isn't that bad


[Edited on 08.30.2009 9:15 AM PDT]

  • 08.29.2009 10:12 AM PDT

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Nice work. Seems to be very well written.
I like where it's heading.
:)

  • 08.30.2009 12:00 AM PDT

-eddy!
huh! What? It was the other guy, honest! ;)
'it was a sniper!' looks down at my sniper
uhh yeah? hes got one too. XD

nice! love the humour cant wait for more!

  • 08.30.2009 3:02 AM PDT
  • gamertag: rex131
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-=PH=-

Good day. I'm an active and fairly enthusiastic member of the Bungie fan-base and pride myself on many qualities. If you want to send me a PM, go right ahead. No I won't spam your inbox with group invites, I will respond in the best way possible. Thank you, and as I had opened, I'll close - good day.


Rex131, PHaNToM1325, TheKiNG1325, TheRoadrunner13, PainedHope13

Nice job, I like it. Again all the characters were given separate, distinguishable personalities and styles. Not very many editorial mistakes, I only found 2 - in one of the shorter, dialogue paragraphs, there is a lonely quotation mark out of place. Also, at the end of the first or second paragraph you use the word "in" twice in the same sentence. It sounds a bit repetitive and you might want to change it. However, sans those very minor errors, good job.

  • 08.30.2009 7:52 AM PDT
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When life gives you lemons, ferment them and get drunk.

Thanks guys, I appreciate the feed back, and im happy you like it :) Il get to the edditing right away.

  • 08.30.2009 9:11 AM PDT

The Hybrid a FanFic by Tehface

"Look for the signs, the keepers of the flame. They will lead you to war, and perhaps, to victory."

Nice job! :D
I like how the story's being introduced.
I'm looking forward to seeing how they work in combat together!

  • 08.30.2009 7:30 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] P.C.U. The Proud Defenders of Earth. (P.3 The Armory)
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When life gives you lemons, ferment them and get drunk.

Part 3 The Armory

Roy and his squad walked silently across the dirt yard of the military facility. It was basically a bunch of soldiers packed into tin cans for bunkers. The four soldiers were walking aimlessly around the grounds.

Brian yawned, "Well, that was a downer."

Jack began to laugh, "Honestly, I think it was kinda funny."

"Yea, seven drunken marines surrounded by dozens of beer cans, hilarious."

"It was probably for the best. Showing up drunk wouldn't help us keep our ranks."

"You mean your rank? Me and will are privates, we can get as drunk as we want."

Roy finally had enough, "Could you just...shut up?" Silence filled the air. There was still twenty minutes before they had to be at the armory.

Brian put on a strange grin,"Ya know who's hot?"

"Me, Jack Taloner, the best soldier of all time."

"No...anyway, Miranda Keys. I'd say she's solid nine and a half."

The speakers throughout the facility burst to life, "Lieutenant Roy Galahad, report to the armory immediately. Roy tried to hide his joy. Brian wasn't the kind of guy you would want to be around for more than ten minutes. After a short walk, they arrived at the armory. It looked relatively small, but there was a colossal chamber underneath filled with warthogs, scorpion tanks, hornets, and pretty much everything else that can make something explode. Jack entered the place first, but he didn't see anyone.

A voice rang out from underneath him, "Um, could you please get off the hatch?" The specialist jumped backwards, startled. A piece of the floor flipped back, revealing a long ramp that descended to the real armory. The four men were surprised to see that a greasy man with a rough beard wasn't standing in front of them. Instead, a beautiful woman took his place, "Hi, I'm Jane" A smile appeared on her face. She had light brown hair that ran past her shoulders. The curves at her waist were as perfect as can be. "I have to check something really quick, you guys can wait here." She walked over to the other side of the room.

Brian followed the girl over to a set of tools, "Hmm, this is weird."

"Sorry?"

"Well my magic watch tells me you're naked, but then again...it's ten minutes fast."

The woman let out a short laugh, "Charming, really."

"I'm sorry, but that beautiful face of yours-"

"I get it."

"You don't have to be scared of me."

"Oh, that's not it at all."

Brian leaned closer to her, "Then what is it?"

Jane sighed, "I don't think you can handle me."

"O really?"

"Yes...really."

"Are you done here?" Jane and Brian turned around to see Roy with his arms crossed.

Jane smiled at him, "Yes, matter of fact we are." She cleared her throat as she walked towards four wide lockers. She placed her hand on the palm lock, and the doors slid open revealing a black suit of armor, "This is an AFP Suit. Anti-flood penetration." Jane pulled the armor out of its locker, and held it up in front of the soldiers, "It is made of strength enhancing nano-weave fibers covered by microscopic rings. Basically, it is chain mail that will give you the ability to tear someone in half."

Brian looked her in the eyes, "I don't need a suit to keep a few creepy critters off me."

"Well then, in the likely event that you get infected and become even more hideous than you already are, not even an idiot would fall for you. Judging by what I have learned about you so far, anyone short of an idiot is out of your league.

"Alright, if you're that worried about me, I'll wear it."

Jane looked at him in disgust, "Anyway, this thing will stop those little barbs from sticking you in the spine." The girl smiled as if she had said something uplifting, "Of course, if you are covered in the little suckers, that's a different story. Jane placed the suit in its locker, and walked towards a large drawer filled with nice surprises. She picked up a canister, threw it in the air, and caught it, "This thing operates like a tear gas canister, except it releases a chemical that is highly toxic to the flood. You can either throw it, or shoot it out of an RPG attachment on your weapon. Of course you can't launch one of these at your friends, so I made this. Flood mace, that says it all

Jack looked at the brilliant weapons engineer, "That all?"

"Yes, except for these." Jane flipped a switch below her work table. One of the walls in the armory began to part, exposing a colossal weapons cache."

Will smiled as he looked it over, "Are you the creator of this technology?"

"Mhm!" Jane nodded proudly.

As a heavy weapons specialist, Jack had his eye on a particularly large gun, "What does that do?"

"Well, it's not exactly anti-flood, but I heard a certain someone likes big explosions." Jane shot an adoring smile at him, "It's for you."

Brian cleared his throat, "Did you make anything for me?"



[Edited on 09.01.2009 9:38 PM PDT]

  • 09.01.2009 9:27 PM PDT

-eddy!
huh! What? It was the other guy, honest! ;)
'it was a sniper!' looks down at my sniper
uhh yeah? hes got one too. XD

lol! wicked cant wait to see waht weapons they get

  • 09.02.2009 2:09 AM PDT
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When life gives you lemons, ferment them and get drunk.

Thanks, im glad you like it :) I'm conceptualizing for the next part at the moment.

  • 09.02.2009 4:36 AM PDT

Honor Light Your Way, Our Blood Shall Forge A Thousand Generations!.

LOL! Best part so far, love it, dude. Keep it up!

  • 09.02.2009 5:28 AM PDT