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  • Subject: The Spartan III Project (Part 2 up)
Subject: The Spartan III Project (Part 2 up)
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~~The Silen7 Type~~

Part 1
Uprising



Lights filtered his eyes, he was scared. He started to run, away from the men who were trying to capture him. They shot him with a net gun, and captured him. Tears streamed down his eyes looking for any sign of a human face, but the bright lights blinded him.
The men threw him into their ship.
"Help me! Please help me!" he screamed. He saw one of the men, take a knife out of his boot.
The young boy, cringed thinking he was going to die. Instead the man hovering above him cut the net that captured him.
He saw one of the doors open, he could tell he was a solider due to the apparel of the man.
"Who are you?"

"I am Sergeant M. Blunski,"

"and I am the last friend you will ever have."

The boy was confused of what he meant.

"What is you name kid?"

The kid hesitated.

"Wh...Wh.What?"

"Your name, what is it?"
The man's voice became annoyed.

"Wh... wh... why?"

"TELL ME YOUR NAME BEFORE I SHOOT YOU BETWEEN THOSE LITTLE BABY BLUE EYES OF YOURS!"

"Ronny, my name is Ronny. Please don't hurt me!"
Tears started to run down his face like a waterfall.

"Ronny, starting tomorrow, you will not be the same, you will never see you friends or family again. Starting today you will be a boy, but when we are done with you, you will be a man."

Blunski left the room, letting Ronny sit there in his own tears.

A man bent down to Rodney, there was a scar racing down from the top of his forehead down to the end of his cheek. An eye patch covered his left eye.
He began to talk in a stern voice.

"Listen to me sunny," he began looking Ronny straight in the eye.

"In order to make it here, you will sacrifice everything that you know, your mama, papa, your damn dog named Skip, you will forget everything you know about anything. We are going to war, and we need all the help we can get."

Rodney still had tears streaming down his face when he began to talk.

"Wh... wh..."
Before he could finish he sentence, the man interrupted him.

"Why you? We choose you because you come from a special breed of people called "Splicers"
after the peace treaty of the Covenant alliance and the human race, everything got ruined. Covenant elites began breeding with humans, to collect the babies for training. We didn't know what was happening until around 2749, when a ship of elites and Splicers attacked a UNSC base on a planet called Reach."

"Wh..what are elites?" asked Rodney.

"Elites, are the most fearsome of the Covenant, they walk like humans, look like humans, and talk like humans. The only difference is they have never won against us."

"How...how do you know all this?" he asked

"I have had my run into them over the years. But since we are so far into technology, I can live to fight them another few years."

"What happened to you?"

"The same thing that's gonna happen to you; War, and she can be a real bit.ch."

He walked away, into the control room, he looked back with his good eye.
Then a voice came over the sound speaker.

Approaching 'Sundown Manner' in 15.6 minutes.

Rodney walked towards a window, his eyes couldn't behold him. Ships everywhere and in front of him was the biggest ship of them all, this ship is where he will live. This is the ship where he will, eat, sleep, and train. Training to be the universe's last hope.

[Edited on 08.30.2009 1:30 PM PDT]

  • 08.29.2009 8:10 PM PDT
Subject: The Spartan III Project Part 1
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When life gives you lemons, ferment them and get drunk.

Very good :) I havent seen you on the gallery forum before, im guessing you are new to fan fiction. If you are, then you are off to an amazing start. There were some funny parts, and hard core parts. That is what i like best. Now there are only a few things. You may want to avoid using the same words and phrases in close proximity. You talked about his tears alot. Maybe once or twice is good. In the beggining his name was ronny, then it changed to rodney. The only other one is in the last two sentances you switched to future tense. These are all easy fixes. I must say you have created an excelent piece of artwork. Keep it up!!!

  • 08.29.2009 8:19 PM PDT
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~~The Silen7 Type~~

Part 2
Training


It has been a week since Ronny was captured by the UNSC. He doesn't know what has been happening. He is a small room, with nothing except the cloths on his back and a headache that could destroy two planets. He hasn't seen any sign of life except for voices he can hear beyond the door. The only voice he could recognize was the scarred face man he meet when he was captured.

Then the door opened, the bright lights made him blind for a second, then he saw a large dark figure threw the light. It began to talk.

"Well son, you lasted a week without eating your arm off like a hyena captured in a bear trap."

Ronny recognized the voice. It was the same man that threatened him with a gun; Sargent M. Blunski.

"Come on son, we're waiting for you."

"Who is waiting for me?" asked Ronny in a small voice, that even a mouse couldn't hear,

"The only friends you will have."

Sargent Blunski helped Ronny up to his feet.

Ronny was astonished by all the technology that surrounded him, it was nothing like his home planet; Harvest II.

"What is all of this?" Ronny asked in a awe.

"This is your new home, Sundown Manner. The biggest UNSC frigate in the United Nations Space Command history."

They stopped in front of two guards wearing advanced ODST amours.
Blunski showed his I.D card to the two ODST's.

"Who is the kid?" asked the ODST on the left.

"He maybe the last piece of the puzzle."

"Let em in." commanded the ODST on the left.

"what do you mean, 'Last piece of the puzzle.'" asked Ronny

"Let me ask you something Ronny, what do you know about your parents?"

Ronny was confused by the question, but proceeded to answer anyway.

"Well my mother was a house mom on our farm, and my father was the farmer."

"O.K. now let me tell you about your 'real' parents."

Ronny couldn't believe what he was hearing, the parents he grew up with for all of his life, weren't his real family.

"Your mother was one of the top ranking Sangheili in the division, but after the betrayal of the Human and Covenant Peace Treaty, she decided to form a peace group in which it consisted of many different covenant and human life forms. This is where she met your father."

Ronny couldn't wait for the back story of his real father. He was hoping his father's story would be as great as his mother's.

"Your father, like your father on Harvest II was also a farmer."

"There's a shock" thought Ronny.

"Your father joined that same peace core, and met your mother. Over a period of about two years, your mother was impregnated. She feared that the Covenant would find out about it and find and take you so they could train and make you kill your human side of our family."

"Well what happened?" asked Ronny

"About 8 months later The Covenant found out about the peace group and killed everyone in it including your mother and father. But luckily, you were born a week before, and in doing so your mother and father sent you to Reach, were you would live his your father's friend."

Ronny was silent as he couldn't believe the fate of his parents.

A giant door opened revealing a giant room. Inside it looked like the gymnasium he played in while he was in school.

In his sight were 6 other children, of the same age.

"Ronny, I would like you to meet your fellow comrades."

"This right here is Jeramey from Planet Onyx."

His face had a death stare, it look cold and lifeless.

"Next we have Jack, from Earth."

Jack had hair down to his nose, his eyes were hidden, into the black sea that was his hairs shadow.

"These three are triplets from Jupiter, Richard, Jason, and Tyler."

They all look the same, all of them had brown eyes, shaved heads and no expression on their faces except fear.

"And finally we have Jessica, from Victoria."

Her hair went on for days, her face was as white as snow, her eyes were as blue as the oceans down below earth.

"Lady and Gentlemen this is Ronny, from Harvest II he is the only Splicer that is part of the UNSC."

"Now that you have all met, lets begin training." said Blunski as he left the room.

"Who is going to be training us?" asked Jason

"I am!" yelled a man from behind them.

Ronny recognized the voice. IT was the man scarred face man.

"My name is General Avery Junior Johnson the 3rd."

Ronny was shocked that the man that he met was going to train them.

"My father died at the hands of the Covenant 47 years ago when they betrayed the human race. My father's father died from a forerunner called 'Guilty Spark 343' on a mission to stop a species of infectious monsters called "The Flood" as you can see my family heritage is far from boring.:

Johnson pulled out a cigar and started to smoke it.

"Today we will begin your training with 100 push ups and you will all finish in 5 minutes, if you don't finish in exactly 5 minutes you will have to do them all over again, until you get it down to 5 minutes. Ready begin."

Johnson begin to walk out of the room. Ronny knew there was a connection with him but he didn't know how.

"Have you told him yet?" asked Johnson

"Not yet, in time my friend, in time." said Blunski.

"When are you going to tell him?"

"When he is ready."

"He needs to know,"

"Not now! I am not going to risk his life by telling him"

"He needs to know who his brother is. He needs to know what he is up against."

"When time comes we will tell him, but until that time, this conversation is over.:"

Johnson furious left the room. Blunski looked out the two way mirror looking at the fellow children below them doing the push ups.
He turned around and looked at a statue. The statue was a memorial statue of "The Master Chief."
Written on the base reads,
This is in memorial of Master Chief Petty Officer John 117 in which
he was honored with every known medal in the UNSC
for his honor and bravery for
taking down both the Covenant Forces and The Flood.

Born: Circa 2511- Death ????

  • 08.30.2009 1:30 PM PDT
Subject: The Spartan III Project (Part 2 up)

I'll go easy on you because it's your first fan fiction, but this needs work. Why would there be an Avery Johnson the third? He's not royalty. Secondly, Elites don't look like humans. And I just don't like the idea you've got here, after hundreds of years of peace, they decide to revolt against what you claim to be a technologically superior race? Also, the Elites don't call themselves the Covenant anymore. And it's highly unlikely a Drill Sergeant would talk casually to a trainee. And the Master Chief wouldn't be awarded every medal, how would he earn the ones for piloting ships, healing wounded, etc etc.

Don't give up, don't think for a second I'm suggesting that. Just rethink your options, and check if it makes sense.

[Edited on 08.30.2009 1:54 PM PDT]

  • 08.30.2009 1:53 PM PDT
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When life gives you lemons, ferment them and get drunk.

Well the chief piloted some ships. And ive tried to resurect a marine in combat evolved by rifle butting his corpse. I figured it might work as a difibulator.

  • 08.30.2009 5:08 PM PDT