- last post: 01.01.0001 12:00 AM PDT
Just when 17-year-old Daniel Berry's life had found new light, he must find his way in the dark.
"It's not right, I'm not used to being blind," he says. "It's a whole new world for me and not one that I would've chosen.
At first this sounds like a depressing article about a poor kid, to be pitied for having been blinded. What could be worse than losing your eyesight at the age of 17, before you can even smoke or drink your troubles away?
Berry was shot in the face, looking down the barrel of a home-built contraption called a spud gun. When it fired a frog, it blinded him.
Whoa.
Let's read that again!
Berry was shot in the face, looking down the barrel of a home-built contraption called a spud gun. When it fired a frog, it blinded him.
Suddenly, all my pity for Daniel is gone. I can see at least two things wrong with that sentence - come on, kids, play along! See if you can figure out where our friend Daniel -blam!- up! I think the key words might be "looking down the barrel of", as well as "when it fired a frog."
Blindness isn't funny - blindness has to be one of the most crippling things that can happen to a human being. But when you realize that this kid shot himself in the face with a frog, you might wonder if there isn't anything else we could do to him to increase his daily level of discomfort.
When we think about fire-arms, we know a few things for certain. A fire-arm is a device designed to rapidly propel things out of a barrel. Hence, if you have two brain cells to rub together, you must at some point realize that it's not necessarily a good idea to have this barrel pointed at you at any time - but especially when it's loaded. Now, fire-arms accidents happen, even to the best of us. But, Daniel - what in the hell possessed you to shoot a frog out of a potato gun? Were the inherent instructions in the words "potato gun" not enough to hint to you that maybe, just maybe, potato guns are meant to shoot potatoes? What convinced you to shove a living creature down the barrel of a firearm?
"If it would've been anything else it would've killed me," he says.
Yeah, boy, we're sure glad you survived that little encounter. I'm sure animal rights activists all over are applauding your brave tale of survival despite all the odds stacked against you - like your low IQ. It's a touching tale of man versus nature - nature in this case being 3 pounds of toad, barreling out of a gun you built yourself. You should -blam!- go on Oprah. Then you should die.
I'm more interested in the frog's welfare. The frog is the innocent victim here, not the retard who chose to shoot himself in the eye. I like how the article almost seems to imply that the evil spud gun malevolently deprived Daniel of his sight. "When it fired a frog, it blinded him." Yeah, that's right, it's the gun's fault that this idiot is blind. Let's give it a medal.
"I wanted to finish up my college and go to the air force and be a pilot," he says.
Now I'm twice as glad that your blind ass has to feel your way to the bathroom in the morning. I'm not sure I want someone who crams frogs down barrels, loads them with explosives, and then looks down same barrel to fly an airplane loaded with approximately a BAJILLION times as many explosives. As it is, I'm pretty glad that he lost the ability to drive.
All in all, this kid is stupid.