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  • Subject: Damn Stupid....
Subject: Damn Stupid....
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Just when 17-year-old Daniel Berry's life had found new light, he must find his way in the dark.
"It's not right, I'm not used to being blind," he says. "It's a whole new world for me and not one that I would've chosen.

At first this sounds like a depressing article about a poor kid, to be pitied for having been blinded. What could be worse than losing your eyesight at the age of 17, before you can even smoke or drink your troubles away?

Berry was shot in the face, looking down the barrel of a home-built contraption called a spud gun. When it fired a frog, it blinded him.

Whoa.

Let's read that again!

Berry was shot in the face, looking down the barrel of a home-built contraption called a spud gun. When it fired a frog, it blinded him.

Suddenly, all my pity for Daniel is gone. I can see at least two things wrong with that sentence - come on, kids, play along! See if you can figure out where our friend Daniel -blam!- up! I think the key words might be "looking down the barrel of", as well as "when it fired a frog."

Blindness isn't funny - blindness has to be one of the most crippling things that can happen to a human being. But when you realize that this kid shot himself in the face with a frog, you might wonder if there isn't anything else we could do to him to increase his daily level of discomfort.

When we think about fire-arms, we know a few things for certain. A fire-arm is a device designed to rapidly propel things out of a barrel. Hence, if you have two brain cells to rub together, you must at some point realize that it's not necessarily a good idea to have this barrel pointed at you at any time - but especially when it's loaded. Now, fire-arms accidents happen, even to the best of us. But, Daniel - what in the hell possessed you to shoot a frog out of a potato gun? Were the inherent instructions in the words "potato gun" not enough to hint to you that maybe, just maybe, potato guns are meant to shoot potatoes? What convinced you to shove a living creature down the barrel of a firearm?

"If it would've been anything else it would've killed me," he says.

Yeah, boy, we're sure glad you survived that little encounter. I'm sure animal rights activists all over are applauding your brave tale of survival despite all the odds stacked against you - like your low IQ. It's a touching tale of man versus nature - nature in this case being 3 pounds of toad, barreling out of a gun you built yourself. You should -blam!- go on Oprah. Then you should die.

I'm more interested in the frog's welfare. The frog is the innocent victim here, not the retard who chose to shoot himself in the eye. I like how the article almost seems to imply that the evil spud gun malevolently deprived Daniel of his sight. "When it fired a frog, it blinded him." Yeah, that's right, it's the gun's fault that this idiot is blind. Let's give it a medal.

"I wanted to finish up my college and go to the air force and be a pilot," he says.

Now I'm twice as glad that your blind ass has to feel your way to the bathroom in the morning. I'm not sure I want someone who crams frogs down barrels, loads them with explosives, and then looks down same barrel to fly an airplane loaded with approximately a BAJILLION times as many explosives. As it is, I'm pretty glad that he lost the ability to drive.


All in all, this kid is stupid.

  • 07.24.2004 3:43 PM PDT
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What was the point of telling us some story of a stupid kid that we don't know? Does this mean that humanity as we know it is doomed? Cause if it is, oh well.

  • 07.24.2004 3:50 PM PDT
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I dunno. I figured that this story might beat the hell out of this 'im in love' crap. Something to laugh at. That kid shot himself in the face with a frog! Hi-larious.

  • 07.24.2004 3:54 PM PDT
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If you want something to laugh, you should've seen an e-mail my friend sent me. Three pages long, 22,000 words, took him three days to write, and is the funniest thing I've seen all summer. It has soo much bull-blam!- in it.

  • 07.24.2004 3:56 PM PDT
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I don't know your friend. : (

  • 07.24.2004 4:02 PM PDT
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Yeah, I know, but the e-mail would make anyone laugh.

  • 07.24.2004 4:03 PM PDT
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So... post it. You're going to have make three different posts if it's that long, though.

  • 07.24.2004 4:08 PM PDT

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What a dumbass. (Daniel)

  • 07.24.2004 4:09 PM PDT
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There's just one problem. It contains a whole lot of offensive crap. Well, not a lot, but probably enough to get me banned.

  • 07.24.2004 4:09 PM PDT

Five Tenets of Bungie.net Forum Life:
1. Trolls will always be well fed.
2. Blame-ability thy name is stosh.
3. Bungie has no control over retail prices.
4. Watch out for low-flying defense drones.
5. Seven is not optional, but rather, an inevitability.

PM it to him, or copy the e-mail and send it to him.

  • 07.24.2004 4:11 PM PDT
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Good idea, I'll just PM it to you, Greenchief.

  • 07.24.2004 4:12 PM PDT
Subject: Eww!
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Heh. A human frog-blasted his face. Why couldn't it have been a potato instead?
*tear*

  • 07.24.2004 4:19 PM PDT
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I'm more interested in the frog's welfare. The frog is the innocent victim here

There is no innocence in nature.

  • 07.24.2004 4:48 PM PDT
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There is when it's being shot out of a pipe at high speeds into some moron's face.

  • 07.24.2004 4:54 PM PDT
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And the e-mail does have a high content of inside joke crap.

  • 07.24.2004 4:56 PM PDT
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Posted by: GreenChief
There is when it's being shot out of a pipe at high speeds into some moron's face.


I don't know about you, but it sounds to me like the toad got it's revenge.

  • 07.24.2004 5:01 PM PDT
Subject: Damn Stupid....
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Wherever you found this, I'm glad, it was a funny bit of interesting writing. And don't listen to Captain K mart, apparently he's just one more of the people that like to ruin other people's days.

  • 07.24.2004 5:06 PM PDT
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Posted by: ParaplegicNinja
Wherever you found this, I'm glad, it was a funny bit of interesting writing. And don't listen to Captain K mart, apparently he's just one more of the people that like to ruin other people's days.


That wasn't cool. And never did I say that it wasn't funny. It's just that I've seen other humorous things as well. But he's right about one thing, you shouldn't listen to me.

[Edited on 7/24/2004 5:23:16 PM]

  • 07.24.2004 5:09 PM PDT
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Yeah, this is from my friends rant section at his site. http://bonelesseggs.com/rants.php Pavel is funny.

  • 07.24.2004 5:10 PM PDT
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That looks like a decent site, is there any more stories of incredible stupid people on there?

I'm also writing this because I feel bad when I see my name at the right side of a thread that I started, so I'm not going to let you go down in flames like that.

  • 07.24.2004 5:24 PM PDT
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Right... Yeah. Pavel, Brett, and I made that site. We just refurbished it the other day. There's all kinds of stupid people there. We plan to update that often.

  • 07.24.2004 5:27 PM PDT
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So where did the name boneless eggs come from?

  • 07.24.2004 5:37 PM PDT
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I dunno. Pavel thought of it. Ask him.

  • 07.24.2004 5:51 PM PDT
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Shot himself in the face with a frog. That just cracks me up.

  • 07.24.2004 5:53 PM PDT
Subject: Eww!

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Posted by: ajenteks
Posted by: GreenChief
There is when it's being shot out of a pipe at high speeds into some moron's face.


I don't know about you, but it sounds to me like the toad got it's revenge.


I don't think that death in exchange for eyesight qualifies as revenge. I hope the dumb -blam!- gets sepcis from the hospital and dies slowly and painfully....

  • 07.24.2004 5:53 PM PDT