Halo: Reach Forum
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  • Subject: Official Crazy Ass Theory Thread,
Subject: Official Crazy Ass Theory Thread,

Um... I like Halo? I don't really know what to say. I'm a student at the moment, I hope to become a criminal profiler, and I enjoy pretty much everything as long as it's good.

This is the thread in which you will be able to post all your strange, stupid, and flatout weird ideas. Common sense does not matter here. In case you're wondering yes, this is to try to lower all the stupid threads on the Forum. Here's mine:

The game will take place after Halo 3, you will play as a renegade Grunt who plays by his own rules. After being brutally kicked in the testicles by an Elite, You decide to take revenge on him by any means necessary. You enlist a bunch of SPARTANs who will do your bidding for you. The SPARTANs attack the Elites and so begins the greatest battle of all time. Also it will be a Wii exclusive that uses nothing but motion control.

Note: I swear my brain just dropped 20 IQ points from writing that "theory."

[Edited on 10.09.2009 7:42 PM PDT]

  • 10.09.2009 7:35 PM PDT
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THE PART OF THE MOON WHERE NASA BOMBED CONTAINS A HALO RING INSIDE OF IT

BUNGIE PLANNED THIS ALL ALONG

  • 10.09.2009 7:43 PM PDT

Um... I like Halo? I don't really know what to say. I'm a student at the moment, I hope to become a criminal profiler, and I enjoy pretty much everything as long as it's good.

No, no, it deosn't contain a Halo... it is a Halo.

  • 10.09.2009 7:52 PM PDT

Um... I like Halo? I don't really know what to say. I'm a student at the moment, I hope to become a criminal profiler, and I enjoy pretty much everything as long as it's good.

That's it. Damn, you guys are unimaginative.

  • 10.10.2009 7:09 PM PDT

Check out my deviantART page

Some things I like:
Video Games
Anime
Art

Halo Reach will really be a fitness game, and you get achievements for however many times you can bend down to "reach" your toes :)

[Edited on 10.10.2009 7:12 PM PDT]

  • 10.10.2009 7:12 PM PDT

Whoever said i cant drink a chicken?

Master Chief will spend half the game playing electric guitar and drinking beer and having a great time partying with all the other spartans and their AIs, and the other half of the game will be the morning after where he has to deal with a pregnant (maybe linda? who knows) girl in his bed, and throwing up and taking a huge dump, and there will be a small segment at the end that is like a Spartan Dance off (think DDR) and the and P Gruntity and his Brute pimps will be there to beat the spartans

  • 10.10.2009 7:17 PM PDT

All you need is a well placed grenade :)

You play as Flab the Grunt. All the infantry grunts hate him so he puts on the warpaint. Fighting along side the spartans Flab becomes a epic war god. Even fighting Odin himself in an awkward chess style boss battle. He will work alongside John 117 for the last half of the game and Sub-Zero for the first. Him and Sub will make snowcones and piss in them and sell it to the idiot Brutes. Sub-Zero will cryogen the enemy while Flab fills in the funny grunt humor. His main weapon will be a plasma gnade flinging Slingshot.

  • 10.10.2009 7:22 PM PDT

Firefight ownage i will do

the earth is a really small universe in another demension

  • 10.11.2009 10:17 AM PDT

Master Chief is sent back in time from the explosion of the Ark to protect John Connor.

  • 10.11.2009 10:19 AM PDT
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RAWR!

you play as a flood spore! the game is set up like super mario where you just jump over things and go down pipes try to infect th e prophet of truth! at the end of the game you jump at truthh but miss and kill mercey! and for some reason truth doesnt help him because he says there isnt enough time! lol!

  • 10.11.2009 10:21 AM PDT

At E3 Bungie will announce the "P" that belongs at the front of Reach changing the title from Halo: Reach to Halo: Preach. You play as the Pasture Chief to convert the Covenant to Christianity.

  • 10.11.2009 10:41 AM PDT

:D

Master Chief fights the arbiter in a fung fu battle heres how it would go


ARBITER:Mr.Spartan

CHIEF:I have to stop you Arbiter

(Arbiter gestures around to a million other arbiters around him)

ARBITER:The other me's are gonna just watch the fight because they know who wins.

CHIEF:How do you know that?

ARBITER:I ate the oracle!

(A light flashes in arbiters stomach)

ORACLE:That's not my real name I am 343 guilty-

ARBITER: shut the -blam!- up!

CHIEf:Lord Hood said I'd beat you! lets see how this goes.

(It is storming hard. Lightening takes over the sky)

ARBITER: We must fight in slow motion!!!

(Chief and arby rush at each other in slow motion and begin blocking and throwing blows at each other,Chief kicks arbys balls and arby flys back in shock.)

ARBITER:You -blam!- -blam!- -blam!- wine -blam!- -blam!- violate -blam!- -blam!- rockets -blam!- v-blam!- noob -blam!- -blam!- -blam!- br -blam!- -blam!- eats -blam!- -blam!- -blam!- wip cream -blam!-k -blam!- FLIPYAP!

(Arbiter lunges at master chief,chief puts down a gravity lift and flies up arby turns and goes up after him his fist connects with chief's visor and chief is sent flying into a window of the space elavator. Chief gets up slowly and gestures with his hands for arby to come get him)

ARBITER:Where did you leard martial arts?

Chief:I plugged my head into a food niple

(Arbiter flies and hits Chief and they both fall out of the building. Even when falling they keep throwing punches. They both smash into the ground,when thesmoke clears Chief is seen teabaging arbiter,his butt smashing arby's mandibles)

ARBITER:Other arby's help!

(all the arbys rush towards Chief.)

Chief:Oh snap!

(Chief picks up a convenyintly placed gravity hammer and beats tem allback sending them flying they sueeound him again, Chief smashes the hammer into the ground and twirls around kicking them all in the face.) AND IF YOU COULDENT TELL IM DOING THE MATRIX

The battle is over

Chief:I gotta alot of work to do

(He begins teabagging all the arbiters




END

Hows that for crazy ass?

  • 10.11.2009 11:41 AM PDT

MC is ckuck nurris an my dog is "arby"

love this treat

  • 10.11.2009 11:45 AM PDT

Posted by: NervousCandy
Master Chief fights the arbiter in a fung fu battle heres how it would go


ARBITER:Mr.Spartan

CHIEF:I have to stop you Arbiter

(Arbiter gestures around to a million other arbiters around him)

ARBITER:The other me's are gonna just watch the fight because they know who wins.

CHIEF:How do you know that?

ARBITER:I ate the oracle!

(A light flashes in arbiters stomach)

ORACLE:That's not my real name I am 343 guilty-

ARBITER: shut the -blam!- up!

CHIEf:Lord Hood said I'd beat you! lets see how this goes.

(It is storming hard. Lightening takes over the sky)

ARBITER: We must fight in slow motion!!!

(Chief and arby rush at each other in slow motion and begin blocking and throwing blows at each other,Chief kicks arbys balls and arby flys back in shock.)

ARBITER:You -blam!- -blam!- -blam!- wine -blam!- -blam!- violate -blam!- -blam!- rockets -blam!- v-blam!- noob -blam!- -blam!- -blam!- br -blam!- -blam!- eats -blam!- -blam!- -blam!- wip cream -blam!-k -blam!- FLIPYAP!

(Arbiter lunges at master chief,chief puts down a gravity lift and flies up arby turns and goes up after him his fist connects with chief's visor and chief is sent flying into a window of the space elavator. Chief gets up slowly and gestures with his hands for arby to come get him)

ARBITER:Where did you leard martial arts?

Chief:I plugged my head into a food niple

(Arbiter flies and hits Chief and they both fall out of the building. Even when falling they keep throwing punches. They both smash into the ground,when thesmoke clears Chief is seen teabaging arbiter,his butt smashing arby's mandibles)

ARBITER:Other arby's help!

(all the arbys rush towards Chief.)

Chief:Oh snap!

(Chief picks up a convenyintly placed gravity hammer and beats tem allback sending them flying they sueeound him again, Chief smashes the hammer into the ground and twirls around kicking them all in the face.) AND IF YOU COULDENT TELL IM DOING THE MATRIX

The battle is over

Chief:I gotta alot of work to do

(He begins teabagging all the arbiters




END

Hows that for crazy ass?

HEY! HOW ABOUT SOME SPOILER TAGS!... some people...

[Edited on 10.11.2009 11:54 AM PDT]

  • 10.11.2009 11:53 AM PDT

"Si Vis Pacem, Parabellum"

cheif gets back to earth and decides he wants to be a terrorist
he puts on a the terrorist afghan blanket thing instead of his helmet and goes around screaming alalalalalalalalalalal! while he shoots everyone with his potaco (potato + taco) rifle and his new dog skipper gets infected by flood and attacks the moon.
during this the arbiter moves back in with the elites and plots to nuke mars cuz he feels like it then the marines all turn into watermelons and eat each other then sargent Johnson returns from heaven and does something that is so impossible it crashes and ends the game, he breaks his cigar!

hows that for mother-Blamin!-crazynessness

[Edited on 10.11.2009 11:58 AM PDT]

  • 10.11.2009 11:58 AM PDT

Master Chief has a premonition about the covenant coming to glass Reach. Noone believes him at first, so he does his best to convince a few of his closest friends to come with him and hijack a UNSC pelican. They do this and watch as a whole fleet of covenant ships fly towards the planet. They start recieving distress calls and Master Chief sends orders to the Spartans on Reach.

There are only a few survivors, but the whole of the crew on the Pelican are safe. They travel across half of the universe, but then to their surprise, they find the biggest most amazing artifact ever known to man.

A blindening beam emanates from this artefact. This causes John and his crew to forgot completely who they are, where they are from or even why they are on this Pelican.

After having explored the ship, John discovers that they are not alone. Scattered around the ship, there appears to be small pods in which some sort of life form is growing.

Returning back to the rest of his crew, he finds that one of his best friends is missing. He instructs the rest of his crew to search and destroy these pods that he found and to find his friend.

  • 10.11.2009 12:00 PM PDT

Um... I like Halo? I don't really know what to say. I'm a student at the moment, I hope to become a criminal profiler, and I enjoy pretty much everything as long as it's good.

Nice! Keep 'em coming, they give me a nice chuckle.

  • 10.11.2009 12:02 PM PDT

"Si Vis Pacem, Parabellum"

Wait I have a new one.

mastur cheef becomes wtf magical and kills santa clause now mastur cheef must save christmas so he replaces santa

the begining of da end

  • 10.11.2009 12:05 PM PDT

The master chief lands on a planet and receives ninja training from chuck norris and will be like assassins creed and you must kill and tebag eight profets

[Edited on 10.11.2009 12:09 PM PDT]

  • 10.11.2009 12:05 PM PDT

"Si Vis Pacem, Parabellum"

i can see the title now

CHIEF GOES TO HAWAII

THE NEWEST FIRST PERSON VACATION GAME!
AND...

...THERE WILL BE GRUNTS.

  • 10.11.2009 12:10 PM PDT

Um... I like Halo? I don't really know what to say. I'm a student at the moment, I hope to become a criminal profiler, and I enjoy pretty much everything as long as it's good.

I nearly pissed my pants laughing mate.
Posted by: NervousCandy
Master Chief fights the arbiter in a fung fu battle heres how it would go


ARBITER:Mr.Spartan

CHIEF:I have to stop you Arbiter

(Arbiter gestures around to a million other arbiters around him)

ARBITER:The other me's are gonna just watch the fight because they know who wins.

CHIEF:How do you know that?

ARBITER:I ate the oracle!

(A light flashes in arbiters stomach)

ORACLE:That's not my real name I am 343 guilty-

ARBITER: shut the -blam!- up!

CHIEf:Lord Hood said I'd beat you! lets see how this goes.

(It is storming hard. Lightening takes over the sky)

ARBITER: We must fight in slow motion!!!

(Chief and arby rush at each other in slow motion and begin blocking and throwing blows at each other,Chief kicks arbys balls and arby flys back in shock.)

ARBITER:You -blam!- -blam!- -blam!- wine -blam!- -blam!- violate -blam!- -blam!- rockets -blam!- v-blam!- noob -blam!- -blam!- -blam!- br -blam!- -blam!- eats -blam!- -blam!- -blam!- wip cream -blam!-k -blam!- FLIPYAP!

(Arbiter lunges at master chief,chief puts down a gravity lift and flies up arby turns and goes up after him his fist connects with chief's visor and chief is sent flying into a window of the space elavator. Chief gets up slowly and gestures with his hands for arby to come get him)

ARBITER:Where did you leard martial arts?

Chief:I plugged my head into a food niple

(Arbiter flies and hits Chief and they both fall out of the building. Even when falling they keep throwing punches. They both smash into the ground,when thesmoke clears Chief is seen teabaging arbiter,his butt smashing arby's mandibles)

ARBITER:Other arby's help!

(all the arbys rush towards Chief.)

Chief:Oh snap!

(Chief picks up a convenyintly placed gravity hammer and beats tem allback sending them flying they sueeound him again, Chief smashes the hammer into the ground and twirls around kicking them all in the face.) AND IF YOU COULDENT TELL IM DOING THE MATRIX

The battle is over

Chief:I gotta alot of work to do

(He begins teabagging all the arbiters




END

Hows that for crazy ass?

  • 10.11.2009 6:16 PM PDT

Um... I like Halo? I don't really know what to say. I'm a student at the moment, I hope to become a criminal profiler, and I enjoy pretty much everything as long as it's good.

I got another one.

You are Death. At least it's embodiment. You are the Master Chief. As the Master Chief you must seek out Mr. T in order to learn the ways of badass before embarking on a galactic killing rampage against a group of defenseless Grunts led by Kwarsh, who believes Grunts should go pantless while Tartar Sauce believed they should wear pants, eventually Solid Snake and Gordon Freeman show up and are brutally attacked and eaten by Grunts. It all ends with Kwarsh floating towards a Halo saying "Sir, Finishing this pie."

  • 10.11.2009 6:57 PM PDT