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Thanks. This will be the last Chapter for at least 5 days since I will be Working Heavily on W.T.C.L.T.W.
("Why The Covenant Lost this War")
I am Planning to get over 3 Chapters for WTCLTW up by this Weekend. Laffs are Certain.
Chapter Three: The School
Meanwhile...In High Charity a few years later...
The three prophets sat floating in their chairs. They were having a heated argument, which I will convert to script to make it easier to discuss: they all sound the same to me.
Regret: How could they have gone back in time?
Mercy: I have no idea...It was probably that fool Yapyap, we all remember what happened at the Covenant mass address to the galaxy...
Truth: I have never seen so much cheese in my life...
Mercy: It matters not. We must stop them before they discover what the Forerunners are building that year. It could determine our end now...
Suddenly, a random grunt walked in.
"But if they had already gone back in time, doesn't that mean nothing can happen because they already would've done it and that would mean.."
Suddenly, a large hand descended out of the heavens and pulled him up into the clouds, and then they heard the booming voice of the author.
"SHUT UP WITH THE PLOT MECHANICS AND GET ON WITH IT!"
The prophets agreed on this and they then contacted Tartarus and his grunt assistant.
"Tartarus, we need you and Tooboo to go back in the machine and kill the fools." Mercy said with little emotion.
Tartarus bowed in respect and the grunt looked at the text on the back of the prophet's chair.
"Hey! Isn't Toyota a human company?" he asked suspiciously.
The prophets all looked at each other for a long time, not knowing what to do. Then Mercy spoke.
"Ummmm...HERETIC! Feed him to the Jackals!"
As the grunt was dragged away by two brutes wearing white coats and smiley face badges, Regret picked up the phone to make an important call.
"Hello? Is this Chin Wan take out?"
BACK IN 2007
The Arbiter, face dripping with whipped cream stared at Mike. Finally Mike responded.
"Well Uncle Ted, my parents are gone for a business trip for the month. They got my cousin to watch me and drive me to school but she's really late..."
The Arbiter was confused why this was, and then it came to him. By the prophets where is Yapyap?!?! The Arbiter then turned his attention to a figure sitting in the shadows of the table beside Mike. He saw a large, black figure with a mask and cape. He was skillfully moving his spoon around cereal bowl with one circle in it. Mike looked at him and laughed.
"Don't mind Darth Vader! He's been trying to get that cheerio for over two years now!"
The Arbiter was now even more confused when the figure spoke.
"The force is strong with this one..." He then got it in his spoon.
"I have you now." Vader declared with lust, suddenly it fell back in the bowl, and Vader left the house, still carrying the bowl.
The Arbiter looked at the door, and then back at Mike.
"Right, um, of course. Now, let me ask you this meat sack. Do you have a quantum starship capable of slip space technology and a plasma cooling radiator?"
Mike just chewed his cereal and looked up at Uncle Ted.
"My dad left a 1976 Ford Station Wagon and my brother has a crappy bike."
The Arbiter sighed, and then screamed when he saw a toaster on the counter. He got on his knees and shuffled towards it. The Oracle. He then went before the toaster and looked at it, eyes burning with fervor.
"Oh wise, powerful, and omniscient oracle, how do I return to my time?" He asked reverently.
The toaster began to shake, and then two gridded discs shot out and hit the Arbiters head, which stuck to the whipped cream on it. Then the toaster transformed into a mini Optimus Prime and ran out the door to fight evil. The Arbiter had never felt so lost, dazed, and (most of all) angry. It was about to get worse.
Yapyap ran in through the front door, covered in a substance that served as proof of his recent expedition to the sewers.
"Arbiter! Arbiter! I found mean lady in red car coming, I throw grenade and car go byebye."
Mike then dropped his spoon and the food in his mouth.
"You blew up my cousin? How am I supposed to get to school now?" The Arbiter looked at him.
"What is this school of which you speak?"
* * * *
The Arbiter was in the driver's seat of the station wagon, Yapyap and Adam sat in the back and seemed to be on the same page of everything. Yapyap talked about how he thought pandas were really Irish and Adam said that he fed his computer cheese. The Arbiter was used to driving Scarabs, Wraiths, and Banshees, not this human plaything.
"Okay, Uncle Ted," Mike said with assurance "Drive us out of here."
The Arbiter then floored the gas and the car went screaming down the lane. Everyone screamed, except Yapyap, who was laughing madly. Of course, a police car began to follow them, lights flashing and the Arbiter kept going. What is that vehicle? He thought with curiosity.
"Stop the car!!!" Mike screamed.
"HOW?!?!?" The Arbiter roared back just as loud.
Yapyap had pulled fuel rod cannon out of his pocket and was aiming for the cop car. Suddenly, the Arbiter pushed his foot against the brake and the car stopped and Yapyap went out the windshield. Everyone stayed still as the officer approached the car. He looked at the Arbiter strangely, and then began a speech.
"Sir, I don't care if you're French, you can't break the speed limit around here. Your License and Registration please, sir."
Fortunately for them, Darth Vader had magically appeared in the car.
"You don't need to see his license" he said waving his hand, the officer repeated it. "Move along." He said, and once again the officer repeated it.
Yapyap, who was dazed and slightly nauseous, crawled back to the car. Luckily, the Arbiter tied him to the roof so he wouldn't get lost. Even though he had been warned, this didn't stop the Arbiter from getting to school. He then, with great speed and grace, drove into the school. I mean INTO THE FRICKING SCHOOL. It was going through the wall of a bible study class and Yapyap flew off the roof and landed in the seat of a boy who had been answering a teachers questions. The oblivious teacher continued her questions, while a curious child kept poking Yapyap with a pencil.
"Now," the teacher asked. "What do you say when you are tempted by the devil."
"Stop it!" Yapyap replied. Yapyap was talking to the boy, not the teacher.
"Very good. What should have Eve said to the serpent when it told here to partake of the fruit?" The teacher asked with pride.
"CUT IT OUT!" Yapyap shouted annoyed at the boy.
"Excellent!" The foolish teacher replied, "Last question. What did Eve say to Adam on the first day?"
Finally Yapyap couldn't take the poking and screamed. "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I WILL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!!"
The stunned teacher could only stare, not even noticing the car lodged in her wall.
Mike led the Arbiter out of the car and down the hallway.
"Come on Uncle Ted! Come to my class! It'll be fun!"
The Arbiter then prayed for a quick death.