The Gallery
This topic has moved here: Subject: [Funny Story] The Adventures of Uncle Ted [Chapter Four Up]
  • Subject: [Funny Story] The Adventures of Uncle Ted [Chapter Four Up]
Subject: [Funny Story] The Adventures of Uncle Ted [Chapter Four Up]
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

SAS Halo 3

NOTE: May Contain -blam!- References and Bad Words.



What happens when the Arbiter is sent back to 2007 with Yapyap? He is discovered by a human boy, who tries his best to befriend him. Then in a twist of fate, they must join forces with Master Chief to try and stop the Covenant from killing Barack Obama!



ALSO NOTE: I will not be Updating as Quickly as I am with "Why The Covenant Lost This War".



Chapter List! (only Post Links if on Seperate Pages)

1. A Strange Day For the Arbiter (this Post, No Link Needed)

2. No Place for An Elite

3. The School

4. The Cafeteria





Chapter One: A Strange Day for the Arbiter

The Arbiter gazed at the computer console. He also looked at the small grunt operating it that wouldn't shut up.

"Yapyap...I thought he finally went on and died in that explosion" The Arbiter thought morbidly. Yapyap had been ranting for twenty minutes on the joys of High School Musical Four: The Awakening.

"And that is why Zac Efron was a Forerunner!" Yapyap said, obviously pleased with himself.

The Arbiter was becoming more and more angry, why couldn't he just get the time machine running and get him out? Finally, it booted up and the machine began to cackle violently.

"What have you done you fool?!?!?" the Arbiter shouted over the noise. He looked at the monitor screen to see what he had been doing.

"Multitasking!?!" The Arbiter roared "HOW DARE YOU GET A MYSPACE WITHOUT AUTHORIZATION FROM..." He was silenced as the machine made everything white and the Arbiter and Yapyap were going back in time.

2007:

Mike, a 14 year old, sat on his porch, chugging Gamefuel. He had nothing better to do since he beat Halo 3, for the fourteenth time.. Suddenly, a rift opened up and out shot the Arbiter. Mike (who wasn't the brightest bulb on the tree) came out to greet him.

"Look it's the Arbiter!" He then began to drag him towards the house. "I will call you Uncle Ted!" he declared with pride.

"I am the Arbiter! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME UNCLE TED!" The Arbiter roared.

Suddenly, the rift opened again and shot at Yapyap at Mach 10, who flew towards the house, went through the glass window, and landed inside a box of Cheerios. Giggling madly, he began to plot a horrible trick..

Mike then threw the weakened Arbiter on his couch.

"You human scum. I weigh more than 300 lbs! how could you possibly.."

"Okay Uncle Ted!" Mike interrupted. "Time to watch TV!"

He then turned on the TV which made the Arbiter scream. The Arbiter then threw his sword, and it smashed into the TV.

"HERESY!" he shouted. "Do not taint my mind with your demon box!" The TV, though smoked and cracked in, was still playing audio and the Arbiter was confused. He then drew out a needler and pushed Mike against the wall.

"I know who your leader is this time! Take me to SpongeBob of Bikini Bottom!"

Mike (who had not a clue what he meant) decided to offer him some cereal. The Arbiter eyed the box strangely, when suddenly, Yapyap burst out of the box.

"MERRY HANNUKAH!" he shouted.

The Arbiter screamed, and one stray Cheerio, flew through the air and landed on the Arbiters helmet. He screamed, fired three shots in the air, and fell unconscious. He then thought his last thoughts of covenant sanity:

I am in the horrible past of the humans. With their horrible demon boxes, and their awful Justin Timberlake CD which the humans will torture me. What will those humans do with me?


[Edited on 11.23.2009 11:54 PM PST]

  • 11.18.2009 1:39 AM PDT
Subject: [Funny Story] The Adventures of Uncle Ted [Chapter One Up]

I think this tries too hard to be funny and so as a result, it isn't. The best comedy is the type which isn't so blunt.

  • 11.18.2009 8:23 AM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

SAS Halo 3

Why Thank you Wolverfrog. :)
Yeah, I know, Im not working as hard on this as I am with "Why The Covenant Lost the War".

Whereas thats an "Informational" Text thing , this is an ACTUAL story.



Chapter Two: No Place for an Elite

When the Arbiter finally awoke, he was tied to a chair in front of a TV. What kind of horrible place is this? He looked up to see Yapyap on the couch, eating a bag of Fritos (yes the BAG).

"You! Worm! Release me from my confines!!!"

Yapyap just kept eating his...food.

"Sorry Uncle Ted. The human said you should watch TV." He replied flatly.

"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME UNCLE TED!" The Arbiter roared in rage. "I WILL RIP OPEN YOUR CHEST, TEAR OUT YOUR ENTRAILS, AND PARADE YOUR CORPSE AROUND THE HOLY CITY!!!!"

Then Yapyap decided he should sound scary too.

"OH YEAH?!? I WILL SELL YOU A MERCADES BENZ, GIVE IT TO YOU AT ROCK BOTTOM PRICES, AND YOU WILL ONLY HAVE TO GIVE THE MINIMUM PAYMENT!!!!"

The Arbiter gave him a blank stare. Unfortunately, Yapyap had been watching "the demon box" all day and had learned various phrases that would eventually tire the Arbiter to near suicide.

The TV was on and the Arbiter stared at it transfixed. All night long, he learned of the most horrible people. The channel changed automatically every hour (fricking TiVo) and he learned many ways of the humans, which he noted.

Apparently, the sponge creature who lived in a pineapple was only a mayor of a small secluded society. The real leader of humans was a man in a purple suit and a red bow tie that seemed to be able to warp the laws of reality. He did this by talking to inanimate objects, and apparently had a cult of grunt sized followers. I will not search for this Pee Wee creature, The Arbiter thought but if I find him, I shall end him.

The morning after, the Arbiter was exhausted, he had bags under his eyes that sagged down to the floor, he was watching the demon box, looking at these horrible four gods, each a different color with a symbol on their head. They lived in a bunker by a large meadow and apparently worshiped the sun.

Finally, the demon box turned black and the Arbiter snapped from his doze. He then looked down to realize that he had been untied for some time, and his helmet was missing.

"Well done Yapyap! Now that I am free we may...Yapyap?" he looked around. Yapyap was gone. Suddenly, he heard grunt like noises from the bathroom. Then he heard a toilet flush and Yapyap scream, he saw the grunt run out soaking wet.

"Arbiter! Arbiter! The human has a portal to hell in his bathing room!" Yapyap screamed, "I was sitting in it, and I pulled the lever, and then my head was stuck and there was a horrible screaming!!"

The Arbiter looked into the bathroom, and saw the toilet he chuckled to himself and looked at the grunt.

"Poor Unngoy. You must learn to handle things with caution. It is obviously a hair dresser."

The Arbiter then threw about four plasma grenades on the toilet. He then went back into the room he had been in and froze. There was a box lying on the ground and he could read it.

"Halo 3?" he picked it up and then threw it down. "The demon! But how can this be? How could the humans have knowledge of the demon now?"

He then saw a book lying near where the box was. He picked it up and opened the page to see...himself. The Arbiter screamed and fled from the room, he then fell down the stairs hitting every step on the way.

Yapyap, wishing to follow example, fell down the stairs too, but something went horribly wrong. He broke a spare methane tank and went flying when he hit the bottom stair, went out the glass window (which had just been repaired) and outside and went through the neighbor's window landing in a dresser. He then got up and realized there was a red thong on his head. He misunderstood completely, and thought he had found a human over shield. He then tightened it so it squeezed his head. Unfortunately, the neighbor came into her room just as Yapyap was claiming a bra as a war trophy.

She then hit him with a stainless steel broomstick (why would someone own one) and he went soaring out another glass window and hit the wall of the house, here he fell down and rolled into an open manhole.

Meanwhile, the Arbiter was in the kitchen, wondering what happened. He then saw Mike come down the stairs and the Arbiter whipped out his needler and fired a flurry of shots (it was a Halo 1 needler) which all missed Mike but went out the window and hit Yapyap and knocked him back into the hole. Mike, completely oblivious, went and poured himself some cereal. Suddenly, Yapyap ran down the stairs and into a wall.

The Arbiter squinted and realized it wasn't Yapyap, but a smaller human. His name was Adam, Mike's little brother, and he was the stereotypical little brother. Power Ranger bed sheets, Pokemon Cards, never shuts up, the works. He looked up at the Arbiter, and greeted him.

"Hiya Uncle Ted"

"WHY DO YOU FILTHY HUMANS CALL ME THAT?!? I am the Arbiter, chosen by the prophets to rid the universe of..."

"Blah, blah blah.." Adam said, "All I know is you have a funny hat and an ugly face!"

The Sanghelli looked down with growing hatred.

"Where is my holy armor, you spawn of Lucifer?" He asked.

Adam pointed towards a table, trying not to laugh. The Arbiter stalked over, without looking at it, plopped it on his head. Suddenly, he could only see white foam.

"MY EYES!!!" He screamed and rolled around on the ground. Adam had filled his helmet with whipped cream. Mike ate his cereal and stared as the Arbiter rolled around on the ground.

"SAVE ME PROPHETS!! THE WRETCHED CREATURE HAS BLINDED ME!!" He then lay still, realizing he had not been destroyed. He slowly removed the helmet and then sprang up and stared at Mike.

"YOU! I want answers. Why am I here? The prophets set the machine for this date and I want to know why! If you do not tell me all you know about what is happening on this rock of a planet. You will be very, very sorry..."

  • 11.18.2009 10:54 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

I am megaman!

This is some funny stuff =D.

  • 11.19.2009 1:18 AM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

SAS Halo 3

Thanks. This will be the last Chapter for at least 5 days since I will be Working Heavily on W.T.C.L.T.W.

("Why The Covenant Lost this War")

I am Planning to get over 3 Chapters for WTCLTW up by this Weekend. Laffs are Certain.



Chapter Three: The School

Meanwhile...In High Charity a few years later...

The three prophets sat floating in their chairs. They were having a heated argument, which I will convert to script to make it easier to discuss: they all sound the same to me.

Regret: How could they have gone back in time?

Mercy: I have no idea...It was probably that fool Yapyap, we all remember what happened at the Covenant mass address to the galaxy...

Truth: I have never seen so much cheese in my life...

Mercy: It matters not. We must stop them before they discover what the Forerunners are building that year. It could determine our end now...

Suddenly, a random grunt walked in.

"But if they had already gone back in time, doesn't that mean nothing can happen because they already would've done it and that would mean.."

Suddenly, a large hand descended out of the heavens and pulled him up into the clouds, and then they heard the booming voice of the author.

"SHUT UP WITH THE PLOT MECHANICS AND GET ON WITH IT!"

The prophets agreed on this and they then contacted Tartarus and his grunt assistant.

"Tartarus, we need you and Tooboo to go back in the machine and kill the fools." Mercy said with little emotion.

Tartarus bowed in respect and the grunt looked at the text on the back of the prophet's chair.

"Hey! Isn't Toyota a human company?" he asked suspiciously.

The prophets all looked at each other for a long time, not knowing what to do. Then Mercy spoke.

"Ummmm...HERETIC! Feed him to the Jackals!"

As the grunt was dragged away by two brutes wearing white coats and smiley face badges, Regret picked up the phone to make an important call.

"Hello? Is this Chin Wan take out?"

BACK IN 2007

The Arbiter, face dripping with whipped cream stared at Mike. Finally Mike responded.

"Well Uncle Ted, my parents are gone for a business trip for the month. They got my cousin to watch me and drive me to school but she's really late..."

The Arbiter was confused why this was, and then it came to him. By the prophets where is Yapyap?!?! The Arbiter then turned his attention to a figure sitting in the shadows of the table beside Mike. He saw a large, black figure with a mask and cape. He was skillfully moving his spoon around cereal bowl with one circle in it. Mike looked at him and laughed.

"Don't mind Darth Vader! He's been trying to get that cheerio for over two years now!"

The Arbiter was now even more confused when the figure spoke.

"The force is strong with this one..." He then got it in his spoon.

"I have you now." Vader declared with lust, suddenly it fell back in the bowl, and Vader left the house, still carrying the bowl.

The Arbiter looked at the door, and then back at Mike.

"Right, um, of course. Now, let me ask you this meat sack. Do you have a quantum starship capable of slip space technology and a plasma cooling radiator?"

Mike just chewed his cereal and looked up at Uncle Ted.

"My dad left a 1976 Ford Station Wagon and my brother has a crappy bike."

The Arbiter sighed, and then screamed when he saw a toaster on the counter. He got on his knees and shuffled towards it. The Oracle. He then went before the toaster and looked at it, eyes burning with fervor.

"Oh wise, powerful, and omniscient oracle, how do I return to my time?" He asked reverently.

The toaster began to shake, and then two gridded discs shot out and hit the Arbiters head, which stuck to the whipped cream on it. Then the toaster transformed into a mini Optimus Prime and ran out the door to fight evil. The Arbiter had never felt so lost, dazed, and (most of all) angry. It was about to get worse.

Yapyap ran in through the front door, covered in a substance that served as proof of his recent expedition to the sewers.

"Arbiter! Arbiter! I found mean lady in red car coming, I throw grenade and car go byebye."

Mike then dropped his spoon and the food in his mouth.

"You blew up my cousin? How am I supposed to get to school now?" The Arbiter looked at him.

"What is this school of which you speak?"

* * * *

The Arbiter was in the driver's seat of the station wagon, Yapyap and Adam sat in the back and seemed to be on the same page of everything. Yapyap talked about how he thought pandas were really Irish and Adam said that he fed his computer cheese. The Arbiter was used to driving Scarabs, Wraiths, and Banshees, not this human plaything.

"Okay, Uncle Ted," Mike said with assurance "Drive us out of here."

The Arbiter then floored the gas and the car went screaming down the lane. Everyone screamed, except Yapyap, who was laughing madly. Of course, a police car began to follow them, lights flashing and the Arbiter kept going. What is that vehicle? He thought with curiosity.

"Stop the car!!!" Mike screamed.

"HOW?!?!?" The Arbiter roared back just as loud.

Yapyap had pulled fuel rod cannon out of his pocket and was aiming for the cop car. Suddenly, the Arbiter pushed his foot against the brake and the car stopped and Yapyap went out the windshield. Everyone stayed still as the officer approached the car. He looked at the Arbiter strangely, and then began a speech.

"Sir, I don't care if you're French, you can't break the speed limit around here. Your License and Registration please, sir."

Fortunately for them, Darth Vader had magically appeared in the car.

"You don't need to see his license" he said waving his hand, the officer repeated it. "Move along." He said, and once again the officer repeated it.

Yapyap, who was dazed and slightly nauseous, crawled back to the car. Luckily, the Arbiter tied him to the roof so he wouldn't get lost. Even though he had been warned, this didn't stop the Arbiter from getting to school. He then, with great speed and grace, drove into the school. I mean INTO THE FRICKING SCHOOL. It was going through the wall of a bible study class and Yapyap flew off the roof and landed in the seat of a boy who had been answering a teachers questions. The oblivious teacher continued her questions, while a curious child kept poking Yapyap with a pencil.

"Now," the teacher asked. "What do you say when you are tempted by the devil."

"Stop it!" Yapyap replied. Yapyap was talking to the boy, not the teacher.

"Very good. What should have Eve said to the serpent when it told here to partake of the fruit?" The teacher asked with pride.

"CUT IT OUT!" Yapyap shouted annoyed at the boy.

"Excellent!" The foolish teacher replied, "Last question. What did Eve say to Adam on the first day?"

Finally Yapyap couldn't take the poking and screamed. "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I WILL BREAK IT IN HALF!!!!"

The stunned teacher could only stare, not even noticing the car lodged in her wall.

Mike led the Arbiter out of the car and down the hallway.

"Come on Uncle Ted! Come to my class! It'll be fun!"

The Arbiter then prayed for a quick death.

  • 11.20.2009 12:41 AM PDT

LOL! Yapyap is like ed and patrick combined!

  • 11.21.2009 7:39 AM PDT

more please!

  • 11.23.2009 5:52 AM PDT

"Find The Bomb?!
Find The Bomb?!
I'm Looking For The Flag!
What The Heck Is Assualt!?"

I concur with Wolverfrog's diagnoses.

  • 11.23.2009 4:37 PM PDT

Hey man, good stuff. I can see you as a future comedic writer!

keep it up :D

  • 11.23.2009 5:02 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

SAS Halo 3

Thanks Michael, Be Sure to read my Other Stories such as The Spartans of Gamma Company (Which no one has replied to.) and Why The Covenant lost this War. ----> Pinned.

Anyways, My Request FROM Ragez, Heres Chapter 4.

Dont Expect Chapter 5 Coming out any time soon though.

Iv got LOTS of Yr.7 Tests and Im finding it difficult to write 4 Stories.



Chapter Four: The Cafeteria


The Arbiter looked around nervously, eyeing almost everything suspiciously. He had heard stories about these "schools" and all of the nightmarish horrors that waited.

Meanwhile, Yapyap had run out of the classroom, and most of the students and staff agreed that he had been nothing more than a lost badger. He wandered down the hallway and stopped. A large black man in a dark coat was standing there. Beside him was a white man with short hair and a woman. They all wore sunglasses. The large man stepped forward.

"I am Morpheus. This is Neo and Trinity."

Yapyap looked at both of them, and Morpheus held out two pills, one red one blue.

"Take the red pill, and..."

Before he could finish, Yapyap shoved BOTH pills in his mouth.

"YUM! Cherry flavored!" He announced in delight. Morpheus looked at Neo.

"That's never happened before..."

Then they all flew out the window, pursued by hundreds of men in business suits. Yapyap practically forgot what had just happened, and wandered into the cafeteria. There he would begin to "improve" the food.

Now, the Arbiter was completely unnerved and went with Mike into a Math classroom. Everyone in the class turned and stared. The teacher (known as Mrs. Sunnypants) smiled.

"Class, we have a new student!"

All the children screamed, remembering who she brought last time in kindergarten.

"No no! Not him." She laughed "This is a new student. Would you care to tell us your name."

The Arbiter than stood proudly and pronounced his title.

"I am a grand Sanghelli! I was once Commander of our kind during the glassing of Reach! Now I am the proud Arbiter! Selected by the Prophets to purge your world and all heretics that would hamper the Great Journey!"

The class sat oblivious until Mike spoke.

"This is my Uncle Ted. He's from...Bosnia."

Everyone waved and laughed. "Hi Ted!" the class said in unison.

For the rest of the class period, the Arbiter continued to grow more and more angry, especially at one boy named Tim. He couldn't even identify his last name only that it started with a W. Unfortunately: this boy bothered the Arbiter to no end.

Tim looked at the Arbiter, "Guess what?"

The Sanghelli turned, "What?"

"Chickenbutt."

The boy then laughed madly and looked at the Arbiter again. "Guess what?"

"...What?" The Arbiter asked, annoyed.

"Chickenbutt." Tim said, and then burst out laughing again.

"You gotta stop saying what, Ted!!!" He laughed

"WHY?!?!?" The Arbiter asked in rage.

"CHICKENTHIGH!!!" With that the boy fell out of his chair laughing.

The Arbiter then drew out his sword.

"UNGGOY TURD!!! I WILL SMITE YOU!!!" He then threw his sword and missed, where it sailed across the room and impaled a Furby. He then pulled out his special needler when he saw some sort of white grenade fly across the room and stick to his chest. It was obviously a spitwad, but the Arbiter believed it was a plasma grenade.

"WAAARRRGGGHH!!!!" he shouted and then he dived towards a boy named Tyler.

He crashed onto the desk but nothing happened.

His eyes were literally glowing red as he turned towards Tim, who had a wet straw in his hand. Mrs. Sunnypants looked at him. "Ted, take your seat please."

The Arbiter sat down and felt another spitwad hit his face. Then another, and another and another. Finally, a spitball the size of a watermelon smashed into his face and sent him flying out of his desk.

He looked up to see Tim holding a smoking bazooka laughing.

Before the Arbiter could tear off the boy's head with his mandibles, the teacher announced it was time for "lunch".

When the Arbiter entered the cafeteria with Mike, he nearly fell to his knees by the smell. It smelled as if thousands of Flood had vomited on each other and died. He could barely crawl to the table where Mike sat eating some casserole. The Arbiter looked at him weakly and Mike spoke.

"Aren't you gonna eat Uncle Ted?" he asked.

The Arbiter looked at him.

"I would try, but that food is showing up on my radar as red dots."

He then stumbled over to the water fountain and was surprised to see Yapyap behind the kitchen counter wearing a large chef's hat. Yapyap was attempting to make some sort of drink. The Arbiter watched him put beans, plastic spoons, nails, some mold, raw ham, an old shoe, and a lit cigarette into a blender and turn it on. When it was "done" Yapyap took off the lid and what looked like a soul flew out of the blender. Yapyap then noticed the Elite.

"Look Arbiter! I make Slim-Jim!"

The Sanghelli looked around, obviously paranoid.

"We've got to get out of this horrible death factory before something terrible happens."

Yapyap looked up at him, disappointed. "But I haven't finished the chili..."

The Arbiter glanced at him in surprise. "Chili?"

The grunt pointed to a large metal pot that was shaking like it was possessed. Then, the large Flood monster from Halo 3 burst out roaring.

"GOOD LORD!" The Elite shouted. "Er..I mean...GOOD PROPHET!"

The Arbiter began firing at it as children screamed and fled the cafeteria.

"YOU FOOLISH UNGGOY! WHAT DID YOU POSSIBLY PUT IN THAT CONTAINER?!?!?!" The Arbiter shouted over his gunfire.

Yapyap then pulled out his Rachel Raye cookbook, trying to figure out his mistake.

The Arbiter was then knocked to the ground, and felt a sticky substance on his face. He looked up to see Tim smiling and holding the smoking bazooka. I will eviscerate that meatbag. The Arbiter thought as he threw a plasma grenade at the chili beast. It then roared and raised its arms and a flurry Tortilla chips flew out of them.

Mike simply watched, chewing his gum.

This looks like something I'd see on Kids Next Door... he thought.

Then Yapyap threw a cup of Jello at it and it grew larger.

"JELLO GOOD FOR CHILI!!!" The creature roared.

Then, The Arbiter took out his sword and rushed at the creature and slashed at it multiple times.

"BURN HAM DEMON!!!!" He shouted over the chaos.

Finally, the Chili monster turned into a puddle and slid towards a drain.

"I'll get you next time!" it declared as it slid into the void.

Then Adam walked into the cafeteria and all the carnage around, and smiled.

"Oh boy! Taco Day!"

  • 11.23.2009 11:51 PM PDT

ROFL LMAO LOL!

  • 11.24.2009 1:30 AM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

I'll take to the sky! for I am the legendary sky king.

LOL!

  • 12.01.2009 1:30 PM PDT
Subject: [Funny Story] The Adventures of Uncle Ted [Chapter Four Up]
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

I am the ACTUAL author, He has taken this story without asking. Here is the original, FULL copy. The One that "I" have been working hard on.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3850754/1/The_Adventures_of_Uncle _Ted

[Edited on 12.03.2009 4:21 PM PST]

  • 12.03.2009 4:16 PM PDT
Subject: [Funny Story] The Adventures of Uncle Ted [Chapter One Up]
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

[quote]Posted by: Grunt Killa44
Thanks Michael, Be Sure to read my Other Stories such as The Spartans of Gamma Company (Which no one has replied to.) and Why The Covenant lost this War. ----> Pinned.

Anyways, My Request FROM Ragez, Heres Chapter 4.

Dont Expect Chapter 5 Coming out any time soon though.

Iv got LOTS of Yr.7 Tests and Im finding it difficult to write 4 Stories.

[quote]
Difficult to write? Really?

  • 12.04.2009 1:59 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

I'll take to the sky! for I am the legendary sky king.

Posted by: LordMandalore
[quote]Posted by: Grunt Killa44
Thanks Michael, Be Sure to read my Other Stories such as The Spartans of Gamma Company (Which no one has replied to.) and Why The Covenant lost this War. ----> Pinned.

Anyways, My Request FROM Ragez, Heres Chapter 4.

Dont Expect Chapter 5 Coming out any time soon though.

Iv got LOTS of Yr.7 Tests and Im finding it difficult to write 4 Stories.

[quote]
Difficult to write? Really?
Thanks man! You're story's are really good!

  • 12.05.2009 6:39 AM PDT