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This topic has moved here: Subject: [Story] Brother, Sanghelli
  • Subject: [Story] Brother, Sanghelli
Subject: [Story] Brother, Sanghelli

Fallout Gaming Clan Member
Rank:Clan General

My first fanfic. Not sure if I will continue this one so it all depends on comments I get. Plus sorry for any spelling errors and the like.

Chapter 1: Hell Spawn

Sargatel grimaced at the plasma pistol held in his hand. He was a technician not a warrior. How had it come to this.

The Sanghelli led Covenant attack on atlas was being led by Zealot Damus Reldum.It had all started ever so perfectly yet this was war and something always went wrong. The Major whom he was under the command of had taken their squad to the southern outskirts of the human capital Antheaum. From their his and four other squads had brought down the human heavy turrets littering the south and east sides of the megacity. At each turret many Unggoy were lost but thankfully sanghelli troops were yet to become casualty's.

Once the Infidel turrets had been downed re-enforcements were brought in from their carrier Enlightened Purge.. With the troop numbers bolstered the Major in command had ordered them to enter the city and purge the Heretic Infidels.

All the while Sargatel continued to ask himself. Why? He believed in the great journey that the Hierarchs had given his race. To believe otherwise was heresy but here on the field of battle seeing the the innocent murdered was challenging his very core. How could any journey no matter how great be worth the loss of so many innocents. So many stains on his honour. No he must purge such thoughts from his mind. He was on a battlefield and thinking such things only served one purpose. Death.

His intercommunications unit began to beep in his ear indicating it had received a distress message. When he accessed the message all was static. After decrypting the message he only found a number and an unfinished word which horrified him. He instantly ran to the major and played the message aloud for all to hear. "7 Demo..." The entire squad took the same assumption as him and began to panic.

The Major their and then ordered they set up a defensive perimeter and initiate round the clock watches while he communicated with the almighty Zealot. Only moments later he growled in distaste and threw the COMM unit violently to threw ground. "We are being jammed." He proclaimed in disgust. It was 3 units till dawn by his time and he was 1 unit away from the end of his watch when he heard a twig snap down the alley opposite him. Seconds later he saw something which made him recoil in horror something which scared him more than anything he had so far encountered in his life.

  • 11.19.2009 2:02 PM PDT

Not bad; you just need to work a little bit on grammar and spelling and punctuation. The plot is great, I can't wait for more!

  • 11.19.2009 2:20 PM PDT

There once was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died.

The end.

SCFH

Sounds like the Flood is coming. Oh my.

Anyway, i totally agree with collie. Nice plot you have setup. I am looking forward to more.

  • 11.19.2009 4:05 PM PDT

cant wait for more man thread saved

  • 11.19.2009 5:09 PM PDT

Fallout Gaming Clan Member
Rank:Clan General

Thanks. I have now decided I will keep going with this. Expect the next part probably within a week. Sorry if bit late though cause I am not used to routinely writing.

  • 11.20.2009 9:47 AM PDT

Fallout Gaming Clan Member
Rank:Clan General

Chapter 2 out tommorrow

  • 11.24.2009 1:28 PM PDT

"Find The Bomb?!
Find The Bomb?!
I'm Looking For The Flag!
What The Heck Is Assualt!?"

Too short for any criticism

  • 11.24.2009 5:13 PM PDT