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This topic has moved here: Subject: Earth It Was Like Anyother Day Until...
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Subject: Earth It Was Like Anyother Day Until...

Henry540

An explosion rang through the marines.

"Mizzo whats wrong?" Said cliff confused

"Our left engine is out, were going in for a crash landing, hold on tight!."

The pelican crashed.

"Cliff, are you all right?" A concerned voice beckoned.

"Yeah, I think so." Cliff replied, swimming back into reality.

"Where's Mizzo?!" Cliff exclaimed, realizing his friend was missing.

Gun Fire frowned, then responded.
"I'm not sure. I tried to reach him on the radio while you were out."

"Come on, we need to get out of here!" Gun Fire said, suddenly impatient.

"Fine, let me grab my laser." Cliff grumbled, getting to his feet.

"Hurry up!" Gun Fire shouted. Turning around, he saw it was too late.

A group of Elites had snuck up on the marines, and with a swift punch, both soldier's vision faded to black.

Jamie awoke inside a chamber.

Looking around the chamber he saw cliff at his side,
Both marines were tied to the wall with some kind of rope made
of plasma.

"Cliff, wake up" jamie whispered.

Cliffy, mumbled and nodded his head.

Jamie, quickly activated a beacon.

Jamie saw three elites coming toward them.

One of elites turned off the rope, the other two took off the marines cuffs.

The elites dragged the marines through a hallway. At the end of the hallway was an elite

wielding a energy sword, "laughing" at the two marines.

*Note* This is my first fanfic.

  • 11.23.2009 7:41 PM PDT

"Find The Bomb?!
Find The Bomb?!
I'm Looking For The Flag!
What The Heck Is Assualt!?"

Oh My god!

If your spelling had been a little worse I would had called this:

Halo: Full Life Consequences

  • 11.23.2009 7:51 PM PDT
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Never give up on your dreams... unless you wanna be an astronaut.

-Krispy Kreme

The lack of details in the story is the main problem here. Although, I do appreciate your addition to the Gallery. You may want to read some of the other fan fic in order to get a feel on how to write one, this is currently what I'm doing. Other than that, keep on doing what you're doing, but try harder next time.

  • 11.23.2009 8:21 PM PDT

Henry540

Posted by: Buggy Virus
Oh My god!

If your spelling had been a little worse I would had called this:

Halo: Full Life Consequences
Elaborate more please.

  • 11.23.2009 8:52 PM PDT
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No matter how many seals are killed by sharks a year, it never seems to be enough :D

First, there is proper gallery forum format for titling. Take a look to the right of your screen. There you see the top forum topics. See Halo 3: Insurrection? Its title is put together as
[Genre] A catchy but original title (Statement about newest part being up)

Yours should look like this.

[Story] Strike Team Bravo (Prolague!)

Of course, you shouldn't use Strike Team Bravo as your title. You should make one yourself...one a little better too. Put some thought into it first, though. Because you don't want to realize a way better title once you are half way through your story :p

It's great that you are writing though. It is a very rewarding thing to do. This website will help you A LOT. The veterans of the gallery forum are very very talented, and you can learn a bunch of stuff from them too.

The gallery forum is where the more humane of us gather. But anyway, your story starts off really fast. I like to have a little bit of back ground before the action. I mean, you don't have to dive into the characters entire life story before bullets start flying, just dip into their experiences a little.

I'm not saying that you have to start out with a back ground thing right away, but you will need relitively early. Of course there are eceptions. If you want to make a character mysterious, than you can hold back on that. (Pants like a runner after a marathon)

  • 11.23.2009 9:19 PM PDT