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This topic has moved here: Subject: The Story of Matthew Bennett (Chapter One Available) FanFic
  • Subject: The Story of Matthew Bennett (Chapter One Available) FanFic
Subject: The Story of Matthew Bennett (Chapter One Available) FanFic

There once was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died.

The end.

SCFH

This is my newest Story. It was greatly inspired by by Wolverfrog and Dead Major. The plot is set around the year 2531. Its mainly about a man named Matthew Bennett Jr. who gave up his life to the UNSC, and about his life in War.

I had to enlist in the UNSC Navy. For my dad, my mom, for honor. I knew my father was looking on me from heaven. I knew I made him proud by joining the Military. It was time for me to continue a legacy that my father started.

Chapter One - The Reason to my Madness

I sat alone in my bunk, trying to remember why the hell I joined the UNSC Navy. It was all a blur. I distant memory in which I could not forget, only regret. It was midnight, and yet I was wide-awake. The other Marines slept soundlessly beside me, dreaming about war. And here I am in the middle of the night regretting that I ever joined the UNSC. I sat up, being extra careful not to awake any of the others. I reached under my bunk bed and grabbed a picture. I couldn't see anything in the dark. I turned on my personal lamp I had on my nightstand beside my bed.

Then it all came back to me.

Tears fell from my eyes. I couldn't hold them back. I wouldn't.

There, in my hand, was an old picture of me when I was just a boy, not even ten years old yet. Beside me were my parents, with a heartwarming smile on their faces. My long blond hair was dangling in the wind. I put the picture back, still crying. I couldn't look at the picture for more then ten seconds anymore.

My Parents were killed. They were killed before I joined the UNSC. They were killed by the Covenant on Harvest almost a year ago. I still remember exactly what happened that day. Everyday.

Eleven Months ago
Harvest, October 11th, 2530.

Matthew rushed down the streets through the massive disarray of completely bewildered citizens. Screams and gunfire echoed down the streets. Matthew ran as fast as he could, not stopping for anything, even running past Covenant gunfire. Block by block he ran until he finally reached his house. He prayed to god that the Covenant hadn't attacked his house yet. He slammed the door open, looking everywhere for his parents. And when he finally founded his parents in the living room, he nearly fainted...

There were his parents, lying on the ground with blood covering their bodies and the floor surrounding them. They were dead. No doubt about it. An Elite, dressed in Golden armor, stood upon their bodies, looking down at them with an Energy Sword equipped in his hand. The Elite looked up, and starred at Matthew with a disgustful look of hatred. The Elite approached him, and would of killed him too if it wasn't for a squad of Marines killing the Elite and saving his life at the last second.


I would never forget that day. Not in this lifetime.

And their death was the reason I joined the Military. The reason I gave my life, my dignity, and my self-respect to protecting Humanity from the Covenant.

My father was a Sergeant in the UNSC Navy. He was a greatly honored and respected Marine. Everyone looked up to him in my neighborhood. His name was Matthew, same as mine. He always wanted me to join the UNSC when I grew up, when I was old enough. I always refused, and I knew my dad prided himself on persuading me to enlist in the Military. My decision to join got even more mandatory when my father resigned from the UNSC after having a severe concussion and a broken leg. My mom then started persuading me too. It was getting harder every time to refuse.

But now they are dead. Never to be seen again. But when they died I knew my destiny. I knew exactly what I had to do.

I had to enlist in the UNSC Navy. For my dad, my mom, for honor. I knew my father was looking on me from heaven. I knew I made him proud by joining the Military. It was time for me to continue a legacy that my father started.

My name is Matthew "Matty" Bennett Jr. And this is my Story.

  • 12.09.2009 2:36 PM PDT

"Find The Bomb?!
Find The Bomb?!
I'm Looking For The Flag!
What The Heck Is Assualt!?"

Argh! The cabal of Wolverites gains another faithful member against me!

Anyways, sorry to say, but I just don't care to read about some person who sounds like a fourteen year old kid feeling bad for himself that his parents died.

I mean the writing was fine although a bit rushed and extraneous and ill explained in some parts, but I just don't care for the story.

  • 12.09.2009 4:03 PM PDT

Don't remind the audience how young your character is. I made the mistake of making the protagonist in the first Memoirs only 16, so just decided to have him mature really quickly and act like a adult recruit. And now in the second book he's a 21 year old Master Sergeant.

So don't have make his dialogue sound like he's a teenager.

  • 12.09.2009 11:34 PM PDT

"Find The Bomb?!
Find The Bomb?!
I'm Looking For The Flag!
What The Heck Is Assualt!?"

Stop copying my reviews!

But anyways having characters mature quickly is amendable! That or you can send them crazy...

My Grandfather was lowered hanging onto a rope into a dark torpedoed hull of a battle ship in the Pacific theater. He had a bandoleer of morphine shots to administer to the dieing men.

His still living friends got onto a life boat away from the sinking battleship and were torpedoed...

My point is, that if that doesn't drive you crazy you'll mature.

  • 12.11.2009 5:09 PM PDT
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No matter how many seals are killed by sharks a year, it never seems to be enough :D

Not bad, not bad. The thing that shook me was the lack of description.

  • 12.11.2009 10:55 PM PDT