- Sn1pa N00B751
- |
- Legendary Member
You have no rights, play nice.
Alright, this is my look on the general stupidity of the Covenant and the UNSC
Important!
This may seem similar to Mandalores, "W.T.C.L.T.W" Mine shows the general stupidity on each side, the Covenant and the UNSC. If there are people on FanFiction.net who made one like mine, it is purely coincidental.
Lets start off with the basics.
Grunts. Know em, love em, hate em, and want to kick the crap out of em.
What is the first thing you assume when a five foot alien lawn gnome runs at you? "Oh -blam!-, I really hope that thing doesn't kick me in the balls." But, that doesn't happen, does it? Right on. It doesn't. You see, a grunt has the balls of a girl fetus in her mothers womb. As we should ALL know, that isn't much. As a matter of fact, if a grunt were to see the shadow of a falling leaf, they would pee their non-existent pants. Therefore, we can safely call them.....L'idiots. No, that isn't french, trust me, I would know. For those with the attention span of a squirrel, it's simply the combination of, "Little," and, "Idiot." May I remind you it's for a good reason?
Now, there are things that grunts are good at however. Here, let me list them for you. None of them should be surprising in the least.
-Screaming, yelling, anything loud really.
-Grabbing blue balls in their hands constantly.
-Running around like a blonde finding the corner in a circular room.
-Blowing the wrong -blam!- up.
-Crying to their leaders until they get bashed in the brain(wait, what brains?).
-Fighting over nub nub.
-And finally, dying. They cannot get any better at that.
Now, there are also several, uhm, calamities, caused from the usual daily stupidity of a grunt. Here, I'll be nice, yet again, and make a list.
-Causing Elmer Fudd to forget R's on R words!!!! "Im hunting wabbits! Gah, I did it again. Damn you grunts!!!!!"
-Caused the birth of Hannah Montana. We all know that was Hannah's mother in that closet, NOT the grunt's girlfriend.
-Caused the start of the annoying telemarketer era. "Why, hello there! Are we speaking to the man of the house?" "I'm a girl you dip-blam!-!" *click*
-Caused the Brutes to replace the Elites. "But....but...the Brutes are more snuggly than the Elites are!!!!!!"
-Caused the declining economy, both times! "Hmmmm, no more food nipples. This green paper stuff should do just fine!"
-The cause of the #1 leading death. "But....but.....it's so SHINY!!!!!!!!!!" *boom*
Well, as you can see, grunts are just plain retarded. They can't do anything, and I mean anything right for a bunch of alien lawn gnomes. Hey, both are easily replaceable and look weird. On top of that, I thought the saying was the more the merrier. In the case of the grunts, the less, the better, as in, less of a chance of them blowing the wrong -blam!- up. Here, I help you grasp their stupidity through the use of visual aids. As we should know, grunts have small attention spans. So, in the heat of battle, you sometimes see them stop shooting. Why are not shooting? It's simple. They are thinking about their greatest possession.
Subject A
One to many times have we seen that before. That stupid grin on their faces. *shudders* It's horrible...
Now, moving on, grunt's never learned some key concepts, two prominent ones actually. They never learned to share or listen. Here are two scenarios dealing on the subject.
*Two grunts are fighting*
Grunt #1: "Hey, that's my food nipple!"
Grunt #2: "Nu uh! That's so my food nipple!"
Grunt #1: "Uhm, no it isn't! I like, got it before you, so it's mine!"
*While they argue, battle is raging in the background*
Random Jackal: "You idiots!! Get in the battle!"
Both Grunts: "LEAVE US ALONE WHILE WE FIGHT OVER THIS FOOD NIPPLE!!!!!"
See what I mean? The never learned to share. It seems the canon lied to us!!!!! I thought we learned that grunts who share food nipples are best buds! I guess not. I mean, come on. How many "happy" grunts have you seen go kamikaze? Pfft, religious reasons. Don't they know it's the number one leading cause of death?
Now, for our second example, on how horrid their listening skills are.
*Brute with a squad of grunts*
Brute: "You, over there." *points to a grunt*
Grunt: "Me?"
Brute: "No, the one I'm pointing at."
Grunt: "Me?"
Brute: "I just told you, no!"
Grunt: "Me?"
Brute: Gah, you incompetent fool! *smashes with a gravity hammer*
....wow....I thought grunts were bad at listening, but this? Wow. Well, there is probably one explanation for all of this. The grunt was listening to his new music device, the "I-Grunt." The song, undoubtedly must have been....."Party in the USA." Tsk tsk tsk, poor grunt, listening to Hannah Montana, that corruptive singer. What will she corrupt next?
Well, that;s all for now. I may expand more on the grunts when I have more famous figures to criticize. Next up, there human counterparts. The weak and completely useless, UNSC Marine!