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This topic has moved here: Subject: Short story. Possible name for a title needed. more story to come.
  • Subject: Short story. Possible name for a title needed. more story to come.
Subject: Short story. Possible name for a title needed. more story to come.

Hairy palm trees.

It was cold, too cold. A morning glow of sun ray stretched far over the curve of the Earth off into space, millions of stars glittering so elegantly. Thomas Porge, Liuetenant Admiral of the C709 LONGSWORD 6, 26th Battalion, walked towards the cockpit of his ship. The clang of the metal floor filled the silent bridge with his every footstep. "Everything's clear Admiral, your call."
Joe Kejun, Thomas' pilot notified. Thomas looked forward, facing beyond the cockpit window, glaring almost ruthlessly, something caught his eye.


criticize, please, it's the only way to become a more effluent writer.

[Edited on 02.01.2010 11:56 PM PST]

  • 02.01.2010 11:55 PM PDT

Don't release a story unless it is at least 5000 characters long. At least.

Good writing, good grammar, a few spelling mistakes, but too short.

  • 02.02.2010 12:05 AM PDT

I'm someone you knew, maybe even were friends with.....but from another time...another place.

The Mayans were the most epic trolls EVAR.

Yeah, it should be a bit longer. Couple spelling mistakes, few grammar issues, but overall, it's alright.

  • 02.02.2010 8:13 AM PDT

//OB:PWNED!//
//END TRANSMISSION//

More description plz!
Helps portray better imagery and i like tantalisingly descriptive pieces of writing, though it is a narrative.

  • 02.02.2010 8:53 AM PDT