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  • Subject: [Story] Operation PROMETHEUS: Aaron-A157
Subject: [Story] Operation PROMETHEUS: Aaron-A157

The Director of Royal Films.

This is hopefully the beginning of a short story I am working on. It follows a Spartan-III from Alpha Company at the end of Operation PROMETHEUS and shows his attempts at an escape. Any advice would be great, as I know I am a rookie when it comes to writing. This first part is on the short side, but later chapters will increase in length.

Chapter One

1632 Hours, August 2, 2537 (Military Calendar) /
Asteroid K7-49

Operation PROMETHEUS: Day 7



Pain. That was all Aaron could feel as he lied on the ground. He coughed and felt blood splatter onto the visor of his helmet. Slowly he opened his eyes, but everything remained dark. Wincing as he moved, Aaron removed his helmet and saw the world around him again.

The sky was filled with ash. The air smelled of smoke. Aaron raised his head and his eyes widened as he saw the horrors around him. Bodies. Bodies everywhere. Some were Covenant: a few Jackals here and there, along with Elites.

But the rest were human, all of them clad in the same green SPI armor. His fellow Spartan-IIIs.

Aaron sat up and examined himself. His left leg was bent at an odd angle. Gently, he tried to move it and was rewarded with more pain. Gasping, he left it alone and continued to check himself.

His armor's systems were down. That explains the missing HUD, he thought. He tried to activate the power to no avail. Gingerly Aaron stood up on his right leg.

The Spartan-III picked up his fallen MA5K Carbine and limped to the nearest body. He knelt down and checked fo a pulse and found nothing. Moving on, he checked the rest. None were alive, but there were fourteen Spartans unaccounted for. Fourteen possible survivors.

  • 02.19.2010 5:14 PM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

That was very good for a first attempt at writing (is it your first attempt?). It doesn't matter that it was short. Great description of the surrounding devastation and the physical pain he is feeling.

The only way to make it better I guess would be too add in some description of the mental pain he must feel, seeing all of his friends dead.

Your paragraphing and sentence structure is great, as is your spelling and grammar. Overall, very good opening. Keep up the great work :D

[Edited on 02.20.2010 7:33 AM PST]

  • 02.20.2010 7:32 AM PDT