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  • Subject: The Prototype (Chapter 4 is up!)
Subject: The Prototype (Chapter 4 is up!)

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

I could not find a way to get the prologue, so I mixed the prologue and chapter 1 together. Enjoy!


Chapter 1

I am the only one of my kind. A prototype. A weapon. My name is Arthas. I used to be a Spartan II. Until the "Accident". The Covenant attacked Draco III. Me and my team were in the system, and jumped immediately. The battle was fierce, but soon we had to draw back. We watched from a distance as millions of lives were extinguished.

Our ship, the Hope eternal, had suffered major damage during the battle. We had enough power to jump, but just barely. We entered the random vortex codes, and jumped, ending up in the Sigma Octanus system. Myself and many other engineers went to work on the hyper drive, no matter how dangerous it was. That was my mistake. ONI had been waiting for years, waiting for their opportunity to strike, steal me away. They got their chance that day. My thrusters malfunctioned, I flew off into space. Knocked unconscious from the force of my trip, I drifted in space. The crew looked for me.

But ONI found me first. I woke up in a lab, lying down on a medical bed. Words could not describe the amount of pain I felt. My bones ached, and moving sent spasms of pain reeling through my body. The door in front of me whooshed open, and a doctor in a white lab coat walked in. "Hello Arthas!" He said, smiling. I groaned in pain as he touched my arm. "How are you feeling?" He asked. "Great." I responded through Clenched teeth. "How long Have I been unconscious? What's today's date?" I asked him.

"March 26th." The doctor responded, watching me. I stared at him incredulously. "It has been 13 days since the accident?!" I asked, stumbling. "Ah, the accident. That was no accident. ONI set you up. You work for us now." He replied, his smile quickly fading away to a grimace. The smile returning, he said "Now now! I have not introduced myself! My name is Joshua!"

I grunted in response. "Why am I hurting so much?" I asked Joshua. "You have just re experienced augmentation. Your strength has been boosted exponentially, your eyesight has been upped, and you can now see during the dark, your aggression, endurance, and tolerance to injury has also been changed. You can fight, and not feel much pain. Of course these augmentations will take time to take effect." Joshua said. Despite his immense pain, Arthas stood up from the medical bed, pointing an angry finger at Joshua, yelling "Where is my team?! Why am I here! I demand to-" but before he could finish, blackness engulfed his vision, and he fell unconscious.

[Edited on 02.28.2010 11:16 AM PST]

  • 02.21.2010 6:03 PM PDT
Subject: Prototype (FF)

Online ID: GriffGraff15

prologue.

Pro-log is a funny spelling though.

  • 02.21.2010 7:02 PM PDT

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

I thought that my spelling was incorrect. But there was no red line under it, so I left it. Comments on the chapter?
Posted by: westpointusma15
prologue.

Pro-log is a funny spelling though.

  • 02.21.2010 7:14 PM PDT
Subject: The Prototype (FF)

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

Chapter 2! Enjoy!

Chapter 2

Arthas woke, blinking to clear the fuzziness that covered his vision. He tried to move, but found that he was held down my metal binds. "Awake again are we?" Asked Joshua, who Arthas realized to be standing next to him. "You got a little...out of control. The security team had to knock you out. Did you sleep well?" Asked Joshua. "Yeah, perfect." Replied Arthas, glaring. "Why am I tied down?" Asked Arthas.

Completely ignoring the question, the doctor continued. "Now, as I was telling you, before you had your breakdown, you have been re augmented. A Spartan IV if you will." "Don't you mean Spartan III?" Asked Arthas. "That is classified." Said Joshua, winking. "Now, you are dead. You no longer exist. Not as far as the public knows. Everything you do is off the books. As far as anyone else knows, your thrusters malfunctioned and you were lost in space." Joshua told Arthas.

"But why?" Arthas questioned Joshua. "Simple really. ONI wanted you. For themselves. An assassin. A soldier. You will be outfitted in the newest armor, and equipped with the newest weapons. Now, if you can control yourself, would you like to follow me too test facility? "OK." Said Arthas grudgingly. Joshua signaled to the mirror to the right of the door, and the metal grip on Arthas was relinquished.

Pushing himself up, he massaged his limbs, getting his blood flow going again. Joshua punched in a couple numbers on the pad near the door, and opened it. Arthas hurried to follow him. The door led into a gray, dark, empty hallway. The walls were made out of Compressed titanium, and what seemed to be granite. This was obviously the ONI facility, probably CASTLE. Due to the low amount of people, added to the fact that Joshua seemed to refer to him as "Top Secret", he guessed this was Level 0. The graves. Only the high, high up spooks were allowed down here. Catching up with Joshua, the two turned down the corridor.

At the end of the corridor, there was a single door, marked "S-0-A52". This, evidently was their destination. Again, upon reaching the door, Joshua typed in another set of codes. Joshua pushed the door, and the pair walked in. Swarms of scientists pulsed around a platform. On the platform was a MJOLONIR suit, which was colored red and black. The suit seemed to be styled EVA, with a large, round helmet. The suit was also much less bulky than his suit of Mark VI. Joshua led Arthas towards the suit. The metal arms holding the suit clanked, and started lowering.

Upon arriving, Joshua turned around, smiling. "This is the mark VII. The shields recharge amazingly fast. Also, it is extremely light weight, while simultaneously providing better protection than your prior armor. Using scavenged elite armor, we have discovered a way to have camouflage, and active shields at the same time. However, your heat signatures will go up significantly while active, so be careful. There is a neural interface integrated into the Power Armor, which will increase your reaction time, and even more so when having an AI in your system." "And what does this have to with me?" Asked Arthas. "What does it have to do with you? Why, everything. It is yours."

Arthas gasped, awestruck. "Would you like to try it on?" Asked Joshua. Arthas nodded. Taking a deep breath, Arthas stepped onto the platform. "Do it." There was a brief lull, and then the armor started to close in on him. As it did so, the sense of claustrophobia became overwhelming. Finally the armor encased him, and he exhaled. Complete darkness ungelufed his vision.

Muffled shouts reached his ears. "We are going to turn the systems on! Take it slow!" His vision flickered, and then popped on. Scientists surrounded him. Arthas stretched his fingers, getting used to the feel. After he was used to it, he flexed his arms, and stepped down from the Platform. "Well, how does it feel?" Asked a strangely familiar voice, male, from the corner of the room. Turning towards the sound, a familiar face greeted him.

[Edited on 02.23.2010 7:43 PM PST]

  • 02.22.2010 3:08 PM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

It's not a bad start. Your description, story and characters are all great, but I do have two problems with it.

Firstly, chapter one feels a bit forced. It feels like you are explaining an event to a friend, because you use the past tense. It feels clunky and doesn't flow very well. I recommend either changing it so the character, instead of narrating an event, is actually THERE. You are describing events which are happening now, and then skip ahead for chapter two. Or, you could write it in the form of an incident report to ONI or something.

The other problem is that your punctuation isn't brilliant. I've seen worse, a lot worse, but just make sure after you have finished writing that you go back and check through everything.

Chapter two was much better though. I look forward to reading some more, well done :D

  • 02.23.2010 11:00 AM PDT

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

Posted by: Mr Evil 37
It's not a bad start. Your description, story and characters are all great, but I do have two problems with it.

Firstly, chapter one feels a bit forced. It feels like you are explaining an event to a friend, because you use the past tense. It feels clunky and doesn't flow very well. I recommend either changing it so the character, instead of narrating an event, is actually THERE. You are describing events which are happening now, and then skip ahead for chapter two. Or, you could write it in the form of an incident report to ONI or something.

The other problem is that your punctuation isn't brilliant. I've seen worse, a lot worse, but just make sure after you have finished writing that you go back and check through everything.

Chapter two was much better though. I look forward to reading some more, well done :D


Thank you :D I will work on the punctuation and stuff.

  • 02.23.2010 2:12 PM PDT
Subject: The Prototype (Chapter 3 is up!)

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

Little short, sorry. But I hope you like!

Chapter 3

"Hello Arthas." Said Franklin Mendez, nodding. Arthas immediately saluted, standing rigid. "Sir!" "At ease." Said Mendez. "What are you doing here sir? The last time I saw you, I thought we would never meet again." Asked Arthas. "I'm not. Officially. However, I won't be here long. Just long enough to give you some advice." Replied Mendez.

"Do not, whatever you do, trust ONI, or anyone for that matter. They will do anything to win this war, including sacrificing you. You will be in danger the rest of your life. Be careful out there." He said, patting Arthas on the shoulder. Without a word, Mendez walked out the door, never to be seen by Arthas again.

_____________________________________________________________ __
5 days later

Arthas aimed down the range, aiming for the middle of the target. He pulled the trigger of his rifle, and shots reverberated through the small, lush gorge. He walked down the range towards his target, admiring the spread he had created. Glancing at his wrist watch, he realized he was late for a meeting with Joshua. The two had grown to be great friends over the past few days, after Arthas had grown used to his new life. Joshua had promised to give him something that would be a "Helping Hand" during battles. Heading back towards his warthog, which he had used to get to the gulch, he pondered what the gift could be. Activating the engine, he turned onto the road to head back to CASTLE. Arriving back to at the base, he gazed in wonderment at the extensive defensive measures ONI had taken. Eye scanners, guards, and many other things were set up at checkpoints, and the whole thing was embedded into a mountain, with granite, reinforced concrete, and Compressed titanium making it up.

The base could withstand a 80 megaton nuke, and still come out alive. After crossing the 5th checkpoint, he climbed into an elevator along with 10 other people. The elevator dropped alarmingly fast, and then stopped, and 3 people got off. At the next stop, 2 people got off. The elevator continued descending, all the while people trickling in and out. Finally, he was the last one on, and the elevator dropped. Arriving at the lowest point, he exited. Heading into the gray, dark hallways he had become accustomed to, he watched the corridors stream by. Finally he arrived at the door where he was introduced to his new armor system, entering the codes into the pad by the door. He was surprised to find out, that with his new life, he had also been granted new power.

He could access any where he wanted, with little to no trouble. Upon entering the room, Joshua greeted him. "I was wondering when you would get here." He said. "Well, I am here now." replied Arthas. "Yes, I guess so. However, there Is no time for chat. Time is of the essence." Pulling a micro chip out of his pocket, he handed it to Arthas. "What is this?" Asked Arthas. "A 'smart' AI. Insert it into your helmet. Watch what happens." Arthas inserted the small chip into the neural interface on the back of his head, and the feeling of ice cold water being poured over his head overcame him.

Hello Arthas. My name is Leonidas. The words echoed through his mind, making him feel uncomfortable. He thought back Hello Leonidas. An image of a ancient, Greek, Spartan walked into his vision, and then out. "He will increase your reaction time by far, and be a great help during and out of battle. Use him well. He is one of the smartest AI's ever created. Also" He said, walking over to his laptop, and clicking a few keys. "I have this." An image appeared on the wall.

Subject: Arthas
Security level: Eyes only
Destination: Gilgamesh
Objective: Assassinate Insurrectionist Captain (Matthew Kienast)
Message:
Captain Matthew Kienast of the Insurrectionists movement has been creatingproblems lately. Mass murders of UNSC troops. Any power we once had over Gilgamesh has now evaporated. He resides in Camp Yellowbank. 5 pilots and 8 ODST's will be under your command. Take care of him.

Signed: HIGHCOM



"A Prowler has been prepared for you. You leave tomorrow." Joshua told him.

[Edited on 02.27.2010 8:06 PM PST]

  • 02.25.2010 5:26 PM PDT
Subject: The Prototype (Chapter 2 is up!)

You are the center of your world.
However, this is not your world.

Just a small spell check, when joshua offers the AI,

"it's a 'smart' AI"
is correct, not

"it's an "smart" AI".
change the an to an a, and change the quotation marks to single ones. only spelling error, I believe.

plus, I don't believe the UNSC used prowlers, but warthogs they did. (you seem to know your halo, but just saying.)
VERY nice story, by the way.

  • 02.26.2010 1:56 PM PDT

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

I will fix the error, and yes the UNSC do use Prowlers. They are just stealth ships. If you don't know what they are, look them up here.

  • 02.26.2010 2:17 PM PDT

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

Chapter 4 is ready! You will get your first look into some action, but you have to wait for Sunday to see it :P hopefully I get some comments between now and then.

  • 02.26.2010 5:48 PM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

Very, very good! I would just say that you need to work on spacing out your writing into paragraphs. Separate them by one line. Except for that, brilliant!

  • 02.27.2010 9:12 AM PDT

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

Ah yes, meant to do that. Got sidetracked. Getting to it right now.
Posted by: Mr Evil 37
Very, very good! I would just say that you need to work on spacing out your writing into paragraphs. Separate them by one line. Except for that, brilliant!

  • 02.27.2010 7:59 PM PDT
Subject: The Prototype (Chapter 4 is up!)

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

Chapter 4

In Orbit Above Gilgamesh

"Michael, take us down." Arthas told Michael, one of the pilots controlling the Prowler. Outside of the pressurized windows, dark, cold, empty space stretched endlessly. "Sir, yes sir." Replied Michael, the ship beginning to drop into the Atmosphere of Gilgamesh. In the cargo transport (Which Arthas noticed to have been refigured into a troop hold) at the back of the ship, the 8 ODST's sat, talking to each other. Taking a left, he headed toward the armory, which held the ships weapons. Picking up a Long, razor sharp combat knife, he tossed it up in the air, catching it as it came down, and then sheathed it on his side.

He also chose a M6D pistol, placing it next to the knife on his waist. He also picked up one of the new, prototype weapons ONI had supplied him with. It was a battle rifle, capable of long range shots, and could fire sustained fire, or burst fire. He placed it on his back, where magnets held it in place, and then continued to the Bridge of the ship. The ship began to slow down considerably, before finally stopping. "Good luck out there." Michael said. The ODST's Climbed off the Prowler, following Arthas. Once they were off, static and then words came over the Com. "Call us when you need Evac." In the distance, watchtowers were constructed, guards patrolling the walls. "Move out." Arthas whispered, pointing in the direction of the lights. The group started in the direction of the Camp.

Arthas watched the patrols, on the lookout for a open spot. The ODST's had split up, ready to cause a distraction for Arthas, but he hoped that wouldn't have to happen. Activating his camouflage, he sneaked up to the wall. Above, footsteps echoed by. Crawling up the wall, he drew his knife. Sneaking up behind the soldier, he slit his neck. Climbing off the wall into the complex, he whispered over his Com "Move in." and 5 of the 8 ODST's climbed over the wall behind him. They creeped through the complex, all the while heading towards the center of the camp. As the group continued, behind them alarms started going off, lights lighting up the area.

Immediately Arthas grabbed an ODST and pulled him behind a shed. The others followed. Evidently, the soldiers had discovered their fallen patrolmen. 3 sniper rifle shots cracked the air, and 3 screams followed. The insurrectionists scrambled for cover, firing into the night air. Arthas tapped an ODST on his back, pointing towards the shed. Reaching for his back pack, the ODST pulled out explosives, rigging them onto the shed. More Sniper shots, and more screams, filled the air. Leading to another sheltered area, they rigged more explosives. Insurrectionists rushed by on the street, Arthas and the ODSTs concealed in the shadows.

Near the main building of the complex, Arthas quietly signaled the ODST to trigger the explosives. Chaos erupted, fire spouting into the air. Arthas ran towards the door, the ODSTs following closely behind him. Bursting into the room, two guards immediately raised their rifles at him, but did not get the chance to even utter a word. Arthas ripped open ones chest with bullets, and then sprayed the other Insurrectionist likewise. Looking up, he saw a camera, which he immediately put out with a bullet.

The room now empty, he walked forward, ready to fight at a moments notice. The 5 ODSTs followed him, rifles at the ready. Noticing a stairwell, Arthas nodded his fingers in its direction twice, signaling the soldiers to follow him. Walking into the stairwell, he pointed his rifle upwards, rising up the steps. Reaching the top, he exited into a hallway, lined with doors. At the end of the Hallway, a official looking door opened, Insurrectionists rushing out, firing their guns. Behind Arthas, there was a sound of ripping flesh, and then the thud as one of the ODSTs hit the floor. Disposing of the guards, Arthas turned around, looking at the ODST lying on the ground. Blood seeped from his arm, where he had been hit. Flashing an amber signal on his HUD, indicating the other soldiers to wait, he bent down and helped the ODST up. "Ahhh!" He screamed, breaking under the weight of his legs, falling back to the ground.

"I will" He said, gathering his breath. "Stay here. Go ahead." He said raggedly. Nodding Arthas turned back around, advancing down the corridor. Standing next to the door, he nodded, and an ODST kicked it in. Sitting behind a desk, sat Mathews. 10 Guards stood behind him, rifles raised, ready to fire at a flick from Mathews hand. "Drop your guns!" One of the Insurrectionists barked, raising the rifle threateningly. Arthas nodded, crouching and placing his rifle and pistol on the ground. The other ODSTs did the same. "Good, good." Said Mathew, smiling evily. Mathews nodded, pleased. Motioning towards Arthas and the ODSTs he said "Open fire.", and bullets rushed from the Insurrectionists guns, tearing apart the soldiers standing around Arthas.

[Edited on 03.04.2010 2:28 PM PST]

  • 02.28.2010 11:14 AM PDT
Subject: The Prototype (Chapter 2 is up!)

You are the center of your world.
However, this is not your world.

amazing! but what does the last ODST say when he's gathering his breath? plus, the shouldn't be a new paragraph, maybe at the part where the door is opened, fits more of a transition. good job so far!

  • 03.04.2010 1:42 PM PDT

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

Ok, fixed it. Should be able to read now.

  • 03.04.2010 2:36 PM PDT

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

Well I am back from a week long spring break. I did not have a computer with me, and have had excessive writers block and have not been able to write. However, I am back, and the next chapter should be up sometime this week.

  • 03.21.2010 5:30 PM PDT
Subject: Prototype (FF)
  • gamertag: bl3avn
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yea alot of the stuff i say is going to be spelled rong

  • 04.23.2010 7:46 AM PDT