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  • Subject: [Story] The Artifact
Subject: [Story] The Artifact

Hi, all! This is just a new story that im going to be writing, so tell me if you like it!

CHAPTER 1

Proxima Centuari cast a fiery red glow onto the hull of the UNSC Posiedon as it orbited Luster, a small planet which was known as one of the first to be colonized.
At the time of it's terraforming the barren rocky planet was turned into a beautiful landscape, however in the late 2370's many Earth based factories began moving here, as the planet offered much wide open space.
Eventually, the factories felt they could own the whole planet, and by 2410, the entire surface had been reduced to an industrial wasteland, scattered with scrap and chemicals, choked with barely breathable air.
The planet's one ocean dried into a lake little more than 200 km wide, and even that was now tinged an unnatural bright green from coolants and chemicals pumped out of factories. The planet was basically an ugly ball of trash, that not even the companies that were based on it wanted to visit.

Even from orbit, Lt. Frank Wills could see the planet's bad condition. The areas that weren't choked with black clouds were disgusting shades of brown and black. The planet was completely uninhabited, except for a few worker's towns with ironic names like Oaksville and Springdale. According to his map, one of these "cities" was even called Paradise, which made him snicker a bit.
Suddenly, a message came over the intercom. "All UNSC ground personnel please report to landing shuttles, all UNSC ground personnel please report to landing shuttles."
Oh great. Thought Lt. Wills, I was hoping this would just be a patrol, now we have to land on this piece of crap?

His squad was A-113, a modest marine squad with a jumble of personalities. Lt. Wills had become good friends with the squad's sniper and second in command, Lt. Markus Vance.
As he neared the deck, Markus walked up to him and greeted him. "Well, looks like we're going onto this crap shack after all," He said, a cigar in his mouth even though smoking on board was strictly prohibited. Lt. Vance spoke with a heavy Russian accent and had a large beard and was in almost perfect shape, these features alone made most of the squad consider him a badass.
Frank, on the other hand, was a man of normal build and stature. He had dark brown hair and a small stubble around his mouth, but only because he hadn't had time to shave with all the fighting going on. He was still a strong fighter though, what he lacked in brute strength he made up for with tactics and cunning.
"Come on, Frank. Ship's leaving in t-minus 30 seconds!" Markus called out in his normal joking tone, as he lit up the shuttle's primary systems. Frank hopped into the cramped ship and was glad to see the other 7 members of his squad all strapped in and ready.

There was a loud clank and the shuttle dropped from the launch bay into the blackness of space, only the red glow of Proxima Centauri and the dustball of Luster were visible, and the shuttle began to roar forward.
As the tiny ship neared the planet, he began to be able to make out features on the surface. A mountain range, a shriveled up riverbed, a cluster of factories. It was them that he noticed something odd. In his astronomy classes all the recent orbital pictures of the planet were dark gray, as smog covered the whole surface. Now however, the smog was only visible in small patches. Perhaps a day off?
Frank thought about it and decided it would have taken at least a week for most of the heavy smog to dissipate. A whole week off?

Markus was joking around with the squad while Tim Vale and his buddy Dick Hall, two of the squad's best drivers, discussed battle techniques. Frank was glad everything was going as expected, and he continued to ponder the lack of the planet's smog
Just then Markus shouted out "What the hell!? Get down!" and the shuttle swooped sideways. Frank craned over to look out the cockpit window, just in time to see a large green bolt fly by. In an instant the shuttle shook violently and several windows shattered. A deck of cards which some Marines had been playing and some ammo cartridges were sucked out as crew members scrambled for oxygen masks. Frank pulled one down form the shelf above and strapped it on. Whatever happened here, it wasn't natural, and he had a feeling the Covenant were involved...

[Edited on 02.23.2010 2:06 PM PST]

  • 02.22.2010 2:14 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] The Artifact (READ: NEED HELP POSTING)

http://www.bungie.net/fanclub/obelisk/Group/GroupHome.aspx

Check out my group!

Post half in 1 post and the other half in another.

  • 02.22.2010 5:15 PM PDT

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

I had the same problem when posting mine. Are you copying it from a different word source? If so, go to This and copy paste it there. The finished version you should then copy, and the paste here. if not, I don't know what to do.

  • 02.22.2010 5:23 PM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

If Mendecient Bias's link doesn't work, then try this link.

Hopefully it works, I'm looking forward to reading a new story :D

[Edited on 02.23.2010 10:43 AM PST]

  • 02.23.2010 10:43 AM PDT

Ok I got it to work! Thanks for the link

  • 02.23.2010 2:05 PM PDT

By the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe.

Someone's a Doctor Who fan. ;) I too very much enjoyed the Waters of Mars.

  • 02.23.2010 2:43 PM PDT
Subject: [Story] The Artifact

Posted by: ajw34307
Someone's a Doctor Who fan. ;) I too very much enjoyed the Waters of Mars.

Actually, I have never even watched Doctor Who except for a few episodes (o.0)

[Edited on 02.23.2010 3:10 PM PST]

  • 02.23.2010 3:10 PM PDT

CHAPTER 2

The crippled shuttle swooped and dived, flying through the air like a crazy roller coaster.
"What the hell just happened!?" Frank called out over the roar of the air. "I think we lost engine 1!" Markus called back. The once still surface of the planet was now roaring towards them. As the shuttle drew closer Frank saw red sunlight reflecting off of something. It looked like the Covenant communication bases he had seen on Eridanus and Sigma Octanus III.
"Grab on to something! We're going to have a bumpy landing!" Markus yelled over the noise. Frank braced himself against a weapons rack and looked at the altimeter. 5000 ft...3000...1000..500..150... The shuttle pulled up slightly and Frank slipped from his handhold. The shuttle slammed down and Frank was thrust back, he knew the door was right behind...

Frank opened his eyes slowly. He felt a pain in the back of his head and reached over to feel it, feeling bandages instead. "Hey, he's awake!" Tim called out. He looked around and saw he was on the floor of the shuttle, and some medical equipment had been opened.
"You took quite a hit there, banged your head against the door as we were comin' down." Tim said in his familiar southern accent, closing a first aid kit. "Ol' Marky thought you was good as dead."
"How long have I been out?" said Frank, sitting up. "Oh, about three hours. If you're wonderin' where the others are, they went into a nearby factory too look for some supplies, so me and Dick stayed behind to take care of ya"
Frank looked over and saw Dick Hall polishing his favorite shotgun, which had gotten dirty in the crash. "Any casualties?" Frank asked.
"Well, Freddy got his arm yanked pretty good as we was comin' in, Marky thinks he dislocated his arm, But that's about it, other than these here cuts and bruises." said Tim as he pulled back his sleeve, revealing where a gash had been cut on his arm.
Frank was about to ask how Tim managed to get such a cut, but then he heard a familiar voice.
"Well if it's not Lt. Frank Wills. I prefer to wait until the door is open until I run for it, but hey, that's just me." Markus joked. Normally frank would have laughed at the wisecrack, but he was more concerned with the fuel rod that had shot them down. "See any Covenant?" Frank asked.
"Nope, not a single one. We did see one of their bases off in the distance, but we lost just short of all our ammo in the crash, so we aren't getting too nosy."
"How far are we from the LZ?" Frank asked. "Hmmm...looks like about...let's see.." Markus muttered as he looked at his TacPad. "Looks like about 50 klicks from here, give or take." Markus clicked off the small device and put it in his rucksack. "Well, we've been waiting for you, we might as well get moving."

Frank looked at the crippled shuttle as they walked out. He examined the cargo hold, which had been crushed flat, leaving them with, like Makus said, almost no ammo. "What'd you find in the factory?" Frank asked.
"Not much." said Pvt. Fred Lansky, who had a bandage on the arm he had dislocated. "Just a couple of M6D's and about 30 ammo cartridges." he said, as he held up one of the pistols, which were badly scratched and looked corroded. "As you can see, these probably aren't going to get us very far. The place looked like it had been abandoned for years. Some old paperwork was dated 2509."
Frank thought about their situation. Several BR55s, two with bent barrels, five MA5Cs, three M90As, four 50-year-old M6s, and assorted supplies and food canisters. To make matters worse, they only had about 3 rounds for each gun, 10 for the MA5s.
"Well, grab a gun and lets move out." said Frank. "My TacPad shows an AMG factory about 10 klicks south, probably some 'hogs there, or at least a few Mongooses." He waited for the team to grab weapons, and picked up and M90A and one of the pistols. It was going to be a long day.

It was about 8pm Luster time now, and the squad could see the factory in the distance, dimly outlined by starlight.
"I wonder why there's no lights on. They 'ought to still be at work at this hour." Tim said suspiciously as they reached the door. Markus knocked twice. "Anybody home?" he called.
He slowly pushed open the door, surprised it was unlocked, and flipped a switch. Instantly the florescent lights flicked on, revealing machinery, vehicle parts, and... dead factory workers.
"What the..." Markus trailed off. Frank stuck his head inside, and saw the floor was littered with at least 20 bodies. "The hell happened here? Office party gone wrong?" Tim said, looking over the factory's main floor.
Frank took a few cautious steps inside, shotgun at the ready. He heard something rustle behind a
large piece of equipment and jumped behind it, finger on the trigger.
"No! Don't shoot!" came a panicked voice, as one worker crouched behind the large machine. "Geez, you could have said something, damn near gave me a heart attack!" Frank said. "S-sorry," the man spoke. "I just thought you were one of them."
"You mean the Covenant? They were here?" said Frank, motioning for the squad to come over.
"The aliens! Th-they killed all of them, then they just...left. I think they were looking for something." The worker said, his his word coming out in short gasps.

"You got any rides here?" Markus questioned the man. "Well yeah, I-I mean, I think we do, right over here." the worker led them over to where a row of four civilian Hogs. "Sorry they're not military, but we manufacture those at our Springdale plant." The workers said. Frank was the only other one who knew what he mean, as Springdale was one of the worker towns, about 15 klicks east.
Markus hopped in a Hog and started the ignition. "Well come on, mount up!" he called to the others. Just then, a buzzing noise filled the factory. The noise grew louder and in a second Drones began pouring out of the two large ceiling vents.
"Buggers! Get down!" Shouted Tim.

[Edited on 02.23.2010 3:15 PM PST]

  • 02.23.2010 3:11 PM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

Not bad :D Good description and characters, good story too. You need to work on separating paragraphs and speech by one line to make it more structured and easier to read. Apart from that, great :D

  • 02.24.2010 10:12 AM PDT

Thanks! Expect chapter 3 sometime tomorrow

  • 02.24.2010 7:20 PM PDT

And so here at the end of my life, I do once again betray a former master. The path ahead is fraught with peril. But I will do all I can to keep it stable - keep you safe. I'm not so foolish to think this will absolve me of my sins. One life hardly balances billions.

Nice job! A couple grammar errors, not big though. Great job! Mind reading my FF, The Prototype?

  • 02.24.2010 7:37 PM PDT