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  • Subject: [Story] The Continuing Adventures of Spartan-1337! (Ch.2 Up)
Subject: [Story] The Continuing Adventures of Spartan-1337! (Ch.2 Up)
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Chapter One: Scratch that...the fight is not finished

Cortana placed her palm squarely in her face right after the "legendary" Spartan-1337, once again, fell out of the Pelican dropship. This wasn't the first time such an event occurred, it was the 77th. She grew tired of it, not so much the action of falling itself, but the frequency. As always, Master Chief wasn't concerned, he just shrugged.

"Don't worry Cortana," the Chief attempted to reassure the A.I., "It isn't the first time he's taken a tumble out of a Pelican, he's lived through them before."

Cortana turned to face John-117 and asked, "Would it be too much trouble to keep the bay door locked when we have to babysit the reject?"

"First off, Spartan-1337 is not a reject," John sternly said, "He is one of the best Spartan's I have ever seen. He may be...clumsy, but he always bounces back and completes any mission he is given. Second, the doors can't be locked because of the "indecent" at Tybalt VII.
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The mission at Tybalt VII was very simple, find the Covenant outpost, covertly sneak in, and wipe out the band of aliens. In tow was six Marines heavily armed to the teeth with advanced weaponry and gear. They may not be ODST's, but they were close enough to rival the reputation of the Helljumpers. They went by the name The Immortals, a fitting name for the Marines as they had survived numerous encounters against the Covenant and lived to tell the tale.

When The Immortals heard that they would be having a Spartan-II in their company, they were initially met with excitement, though you could never tell by their stone-cold emotionless expressions plastered on their faces. However, when they found out it was Spartan-1337, the joy ceased. Nonetheless, all seven of them boarded the Pelican and flew to the location of the Covenant outpost. When they were a mere five minutes from the base, Spartan-1337 decided to deliver a pulse-pounding speech to rally their spirits.

"Men you may know me as Spartan-1337, one of the greatest soldiers in all of the galaxy, perhaps the universe," Spartan-1337 started, "With me in tow we cannot possibly fail our mission! So rise with me and give i everything you have!"

Silence.

Spartan-1337's annoyance was shielded by his polarized visor, how dare they not acknowledge his eloquent speaking skills! Disgruntled, he leaned against the bay door and humped at the Marine's rudeness. Bad idea. The heavy MJORNIR armor wore by Spartan-1337 caused the back Pelican to dip down and fall to the ground below. The crash was loud, enormous, and seemingly physically impossible when you think about it.

The clumsy Spartan stumbled out of the crashed aircraft the sole survivor, The Immortals were no longer immortal. Still, Spartan-1337 had survived such things before and always came out on top.

"This is only a minor setback at best," an inspired 1337 concluded, "I am Spartan thirteen thirty-seven, I will endure! I will not give up! I will not be defeated!"

That is when he noticed the fifteen Grunts, thirteen Jackals, five Elites, and the Hunter pair clustered around him. Turns out the Pelican had crashed into the Covenant outpost, the one that was supposed to be covertly infiltrated.

Without missing a beat, Spartan-1337 declared, "Okay you ugly alien bastards, who wants some of me?!?"

Numerous bolts of plasma, energy beams, and Needler shards fired at his position after his request was made. With the precision of a horrible ballerina, Spartan-1337 managed to duck, dodge, dip, and dodge once more, the incoming projectiles. Once the dust had settled, the Grunts, Jackals, and Hunters were all dead. The Elites in command were dumbstruck and started to ponder what the hell just happened.

"Wort wort wort wort wort?" asked a blue Minor Elite.

Translation: "Do you think firing at a figure in a circle was a very bright idea?"

"Wort wort!" answered the gold Field Major Elite.

Translation: "Now that you mention it, it wasn't a very smart idea to be perfectly honest. I mean, the Unggoy are only, like, three feet tall! Seriously, they only killed themselves and the Kig-Yar with their wild aim. Even the Mkgalegolo managed to off themselves, they were right next to each other, but somehow they betrayed one another!"

Seeing his opportunity, Spartan-1337 leaped up and delivered a devastating kick that cracked one of the four Minor's necks.

"DEAD ON ARRIVAL!" screamed 1337 as his kick made contact with the Minor. As the three remaining Minors sprinted towards him he uttered, "GRUNT PUNT COMBO!".

The surprised Elites were met by 1337 and were all kicked in an upward motion into the stratosphere above. Once they were taken care off, the Field Master ignited his Energy Sword and slashed at the Spartan. Spartan-1337 was managing to dodge the hot blade causing the Elite wielder to grow angrier and angrier. With the loudest voice imaginable, Spartan-1337 relieved his most devastating attack yet.

"PELICAN PAWNCH!"

The Spartan swung his fist so fast, fire burst from his hand and contacted the Elite's skull. In a blur of motion, the Field Master was trusted into a plateau a mile away, the resulting impact cased it to crumble.

"That's right, nobody can defeat me," a victorious 1337 cried out, "I am Spartan-1337, the greatest warrior who ever lived!

As 1337 continued to monologue, he didn't notice a Grunt waddle behind him with a Needler in hand. The small creature fired Needler shards into Spartan-1337's ass.

The resulting yelp of pain was heard everywhere on the planet, including the ears of a pilot who operated a rescue Pelican intended to pick up the entire squad of UNSC troopers, he only picked up 1337. Many weeks were spent slow;y removing the Needler shards, nobody wanted them to explode and kill the Spartan.

At one point, 1337 yelled, "MAMA!"

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Master Chief looked at Cortana and defended his previous stance on 1337's recent stumble.

"I'm sure he'll be fine, what's the worst that can happen to a Spartan?"

[Edited on 02.23.2010 4:18 PM PST]

  • 02.23.2010 11:49 AM PDT
Subject: [Story] The Continuing Adventures of Spartan-1337!

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

That was very well written, and is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Very well done, Vader. You managed to spoof the Halo series (I guess its a spoof? Or comedy? Whatever) extremely well. It is genuinely laugh out loud funny, and was very well written with great description and vocabulary.

I am really looking forward to more mis-haps/epic successes of Spartan 1337 (nice name by the way :D). Well done, this fan fic is sheer brilliance.

  • 02.23.2010 12:02 PM PDT
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Posted by: Mr Evil 37
That was very well written, and is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. Very well done, Vader. You managed to spoof the Halo series (I guess its a spoof? Or comedy? Whatever) extremely well. It is genuinely laugh out loud funny, and was very well written with great description and vocabulary.

I am really looking forward to more mis-haps/epic successes of Spartan 1337 (nice name by the way :D). Well done, this fan fic is sheer brilliance.

Got to thank 343 Industries for providing the character Spartan-1337 to begin with. Don't worry, I'll get to make more later.

  • 02.23.2010 12:10 PM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

Is this based on the Halo: Legends spoof? I haven't seen Legends yet. But anyway, its great :D

  • 02.23.2010 12:15 PM PDT
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Yes it is.

  • 02.23.2010 12:20 PM PDT
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Chapter Two: Canonical inconsistency

Spartan-1337 flailed around as he descended to the planet's surface. He had just fallen off a Pelican, now the 77th time, and could only await the pain of slamming into the ground. However, something was wrong. Before he could impact on the surface, he saw a black circle materialize under him and catch him. As he fell through the black nothingness, he only had one thought on his mind.

"What in the living -blam!- is going on!"

Suddenly, a light appeared at the end of the tunnel with a new planet inching nearer and nearer. Soon, 1337 found himself in space, the stars twinkling all around him. The new planet's gravity pulled him into the atmosphere almost at once, he could not escape. Fire enveloped him as he fell, again, towards the green and brown landmass below. Of course, not before smacking into a satellite.

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Cape Canaveral, Florida
NASA Kennedy Space Center

"Sir can you look at this for a minute?", a scientist sitting behind a computer monitor asked Mission Commander Jerry Ormo.

Jerry moves his way to the scientist, wondering what was so important.

"What is it Jones?" Jerry asked, "Well sir we have a small unidentifiable object coming into our atmosphere and a larger object that went past us and has a course going to the Sun" Jones reported. "Is it a fragment of an asteroid or something" Jerry questioned "And if so does it present any danger to any city here in the US?". "No sir, but it looks like it is heading just outside Seattle, Washington" Jones concluded, "Too bad it hit the Fox News broadcast satellite, I wanted to watch Bill O'Reilly tonight".

Jerry Ormo just shook his head and went back to analyzing the lunar rock samples recovered from previous missions to the moon. Space debris was a common occurrence, it was never really a problem.

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1337 landed with a thundering boom as his armor met the planet's crust. He was lucky his armor was upgraded with a new gel layer, his old one had given out on his last fall. In the distance he could see the light's off a city, was this a human colony that hadn't been destroyed by the Covenant yet? Questions had to wait, now was the time for action.

It was night, around 11:50 P.M., when 1337 stumbled into the city. He got a few stares as he walked around in his MJRONIR Power Armor, but most people just didn't care.

"These people are acting like they've never seen a Spartan before," 1337 said to himself, "The UNSC made us the cover boys and gals of their moral department."

Something caught his eye though, an advertisement for something called Halo 3: ODST. It said go to a place called GameStop.

"Now what have we here?" asked 1337, "An advertisement to join the ODST's? Looks like it, but what the hell is an Xbox 360?"

He felt a tap on his shoulder, turned around, and saw another man dressed up like him, only in cheaper, plastic materials.

"Hey buddy, the Halo 3: ODST midnight launch is this way" the man said, "Come on I'll show ya".

Th false Spartan escorted 1337 to this store, this GameStop, where this ODST "game" was being advertised and saw an enormous crowd. Most of them were dressed in normal clothing, but a few were dressed as Spartans and UNSC Marines.

"Isn't it a little bit early to be making visual entertainment about the ODSTs?", 1337 asked the man, "The war isn't even over yet."

"Naw man, this is a prequel between Halo 2 and Halo 3", the man tried to assure him, "It's cool."

The gears of thought slowly turned in Spartan-1337's head, something was really screwy. He looked around and saw some startling pieces of information. The vehicles looked nothing like 26th century models, the methods of communications were severely low-tech, and it stunk of fossil fuel pollution. This could only lead to one thing.

"Say friend," Spartan-1337 said, "What date is it?"

"Dude," the friendly man exclaimed, "It's September 25th, two-oh-oh-nine! I mean, you dressed up like a Spartan super-solider from Halo, you should know this?"

1337 fell to his knees and shouted at the top of his lungs, "I"M TRIPPING BALLS!"

  • 02.23.2010 4:00 PM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

0kay... I'm really sorry about this, but I think that last chapter ruined it. Going into the present day just seemed rather ridiculous and cringe worthy. It also wasn't particularly funny.

However, it was well written and the spelling and punctuation was great, so the area where you went wrong was the story. I'm sorry to be blunt, but thats just my opinion.

  • 02.24.2010 10:22 AM PDT
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Posted by: Mr Evil 37
0kay... I'm really sorry about this, but I think that last chapter ruined it. Going into the present day just seemed rather ridiculous and cringe worthy. It also wasn't particularly funny.

However, it was well written and the spelling and punctuation was great, so the area where you went wrong was the story. I'm sorry to be blunt, but thats just my opinion.

That's cool. Don't worry, he won't stay very long. While I can not change your opinion of the story, I must ask you to bear with it for now. I had the idea of time travel, dimension travel, and other things like that. Sounds very ridiculous, but so was the concept of Odd One Out. So I can only ask you just keep reading.

  • 02.24.2010 2:51 PM PDT
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T.O.A.S.T stands for: Totally. Over. Analyzing. Short. Trailers.

Okayz.... some of that second chapter was taken from your other story......

But anyway, back to the first chapter.

Okay, so i read another 1337 story on fanfiction.net.... which wasn't as good as chapter 1.

Your one was well, written, rather funny and a good read.

Just one point, the but where 1337 gets the silence from the marines, and he says something about how good his speaking is. you should actually have him saying how awesome he is.

like he does in the vid.

anyway, good story. :)

  • 02.24.2010 3:51 PM PDT
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Posted by: vrbtny
Okayz.... some of that second chapter was taken from your other story......

But anyway, back to the first chapter.

Okay, so i read another 1337 story on fanfiction.net.... which wasn't as good as chapter 1.

Your one was well, written, rather funny and a good read.

Just one point, the but where 1337 gets the silence from the marines, and he says something about how good his speaking is. you should actually have him saying how awesome he is.

like he does in the vid.

anyway, good story. :)

Yup, that ill-fated "Chief in our time" humor story I made months ago. Don't worry, I will update this later, just need to get the creative juices flowing.

  • 02.24.2010 3:58 PM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

I'll stick with it for now.

Want some advice, from one writer to another? If YOU are completely satisfied with your writing, don't post it until you are. Thats from experience.

I will give it another chance though, don't worry :)

  • 02.25.2010 12:01 PM PDT