- Mat Parker 116
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- Exalted Mythic Member
Don't follow in my footsteps; I walk into walls
my 360s blog
10.
While using a Cellphone hands free set you keep getting frustrated when the conversation gets off topic. You intermittently ask where the flag is or if it’s clear to make a run for it. You may or may not conclude the conversation with “Cya back at the spawn”
9.
You’ve said the following words after sudden disappointment occurs: “Honey, I’m so sorry; my plasma rifle must have over heated.” This is quickly followed by a “Beat down” from your significant other and perhaps a moderately spirited attempt to smother you with a pillow.
8.
When driving your kids (one of whom was conceived during a paused game of Myth) to hockey practice in your shiny grey pickup truck you suddenly screech the tires and pull over to the side of the road. You jump out and unzip one of the bags in the back, handing each of your kids a hockey stick. “Quick, you man the turret and you get shotgun, I’ll drive,” you say as you put on a motorcycle helmet and pull the visor down.
7.
When your kids come home from school complaining about being bullied you pause your game only long enough to say. “Jesus! Man-Up -blam!- and stop being such a noob!” You then resume play only to get killed, at which time you scream, throwing down the controller “-blam!- sake! You got me killed you spoiled Brat!! GET TO YOUR ROOM, YOU’RE GROUNDED!!”
6.
For the last 4 Halloweens you’ve used the same 7-Foot tall costume made out of carefully cut up green plastic garbage containers. Surprisingly and perhaps coincidently, on the same day you found this costume in your closet all of the garbage containers in the neighborhood disappeared.
5.
You’ve decided it would be a better image for you if you spoke with that familiar, yet oh-so sexy deep, gruff voice of you know-who. Your wife goes for milk… and doesn’t come back. “She was a noob anyways” You say to yourself in the mirror while wearing reflective sunglasses, “She just couldn’t get the hang of dual wielding.”
4.
When your plasma rifle finally cools down and charges up again you call out for Cortana only to be “beat down” again… But this time you complain when you realize you’ve “respawned” at a checkpoint much earlier in the game. There’s a dull thud. You wake up some time later on the couch with a nagging headache.
3.
Your friends at work ask you what your plans are for this weekend, you tell them you’re having some friends over and throwing a party…. you go home. You login into Xbox Live and play 48hours straight of matchmaking games. What remains on Sunday is a shadow of your former self: Fingers covered in Cheezie powder, a Chocolate ring around your mouth, drool coating the front of your shirt, eyes so bloodshot they hurt to close, and a full bed pan at your feet.
2.
You are disgusted and thoroughly upset as you read an Article on Joystiq about a Game playing Brat overheard on Xbox Live Screaming “MOM! I said GEt me Some Mother-blam!-ing Chocolate MILK YOU -blam!-!” As you write your carefully thought out comment, recalling the details of the game, you slowly realize this was you… a 32 year old part-time babysitter screaming at your employer for much needed refreshment as you played on Xbox Live with her Kids.
1.
You wake up in the same cold sweat in a lonely bed in the basement apartment of your Parents’ house with no job, a mushy half eaten bowl of corn flakes next to you with a type-s controller prompting for input, vibrating in your crotch.