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  • Subject: [Story] Elemental (Prologue)
Subject: [Story] Elemental (Prologue)

I created the sounds of madness, wrote the book on pain. Somehow I'm still here to explain...

Prologue

UNABLE TO LOCATE
CORPORAL "CARBON," PRIVATE FIRST CLASS "ARGON"
UNABLE TO RETRIEVE DATE AND TIME
OPERATION: ELEMENTAL


"400 yards. Wait for it... Fire!" A razor sharp bullet pierced the skin of a 5 foot tall, almost ape-like, creature. The strange fuel tank on its back exploded into the atmosphere. "I think we better move, mate. That one probably alerted the hive."

"Not yet," Carbon whispered. He slowly reached down his back and unclipped his M392 DMR. "Tell me when."

"You got 4 of the midgets on the right and two of the bird ones on the left. Bet you can't get all of them with one clip."

"You're on," Carbon said, a little louder. He squeezed the trigger, felt the recoil of the gun on the ground. Two of the small ones fell. He noted that as what would probably be a new record. He kept shooting, and eventually all of the aliens were on the ground. "Clip check," he laughed, handing Argon his rifle.

"Damn, you win again. What do you want this time?"

"Nothing. Just promise me you'll stop kicking my bunk at night."

Chapter 1

ONI ALPHA SITE, EARTH
SERGEANT "CARBON"
0400, SEPTEMBER 1ST
UNKNOWN OPERATION


"So, once again. Tell us what you saw, Carbon."

"I don't know, one minute we were all crawling through the grass, then the next..." Carbon's grib tightened on the seat. "A bunch of sharp, purple crystals stuck into the sergeant, and he just... exploded."

"I see, and this is all the truth?"

"Yes."

"Very well, as your sergeant is now KIA, you have been promoted to replace him. Enjoy your promotion," a darkened sillhouette sitting on the other side of the table said.

UNSC FRIGATE "JUDAS," ORBITING REACH
SERGEANT "CARBON," LANCE CORPORAL "ARGON"
1200 HOURS, SEPTEMBER 3RD
NO CURRENT OPERATION


"Carbon, a sergeant?"

"Yeah, man, you should've seen it! Bip, bap, bam! All of them were laying dead before he even took a breath!" Argon half-way shouted with deep expression as Carbon walked in to the mess hall. "Nice patch, now if you could just talk them into getting me a promotion. I could use a pay rise, too!"

"I'm a sergeant, not a captain, corporal Smart Ass."

"Whatever, hey check this out!" Argon said, pulling a small, folded piece of paper from his pocket.

"What is it?"

"It's a letter from Ella, back on Earth. She said the kid took her first step and she'd try to get the video of it sent to me in a few days!"

"Hmph..." Carbon shook his head. Ever since he had enlisted in the UNSC, his family had been extremely quiet. All he had gotten was a picture from Justin of the two of them. His parents had disagreed with his choice to enlist. It seemed like Justin was the only one who understood, the one who looked up to him as a hero...

"Uh, Ja- Carbon, you okay?"

"Yeah... fine," Carbon grunted, realizing that he had been staring blankly for a few minutes. "I'm... I'm gonna go polish my gun..."

Chapter 2

[i]ABOARD UNSC "JERICHO," ORBITING REACH
SEARGENT "CARBON," PRIVATE JUSTIN "KRYPTON" MELLERT
1700 HOURS, SEPTEMBER 3RD
OPERATION: BASIC TRAINING

"Sergeant Carbon?" a UNSC crewman stood with his back straight up, staring ahead, almost intimidated. "Uh... The Captain wants you, says he's got some new recruits for you down in the barracks squad, sir."

Carbon immediatly jumped up on his feet. He had been waiting patiently to meet his new squad all day. He walked as quickly as possible towards the barracks. As he entered the room, he gave a small smile to the line of nervous looking marines standing at attention. Captain Herald was in the process of lecturing one of the rookies about their neglect to keep their boot tied. "Uh, sir?" Carbon interrupted.

"Huh? Oh, yes. Carbon, these are your new recruits for the squad. Zinc, Arsenic, Tantalum, Tungsten, and Kry-"

"Justin?!"

"Oh, who?"

"No, no... Him!" Carbon said, pointing at the last person in line.

"Yes, I suppose that is his name, anyways-"

"No, you don't understand, that's my brother!"

"J... I mean, Carbon?" Justin said, obviously trying to over his face.

"What the hell are you doing he-"

"Alright you two, you can manage your personal matters later. Anyways, Justin, this is your squad, minus Argon. You will all meet in this exact room at 1400 hours tomorrow afternoon. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir," Carbon muttered.

"Dismissed!"

As everyone parted ways, Carbon immediatly grasped Justin by the shoulder. "Go home," he half-shouted.

"Don't touch me!" Justin yelled, pulling his shoulder back. "I came here because I wanted to. Besides, Mom and Dad aren't very happy about you, are they J-"

"Hey, don't call me by my name. It's Carbon around here."

"Fine, Mr. Ego, but if I have to call you that, then you get to call me Krypton."

"Ugh, fine. How'd you get here anyways?"

"Funny story, actually. I kind of... failed school and ran away from home."

"You're kidding, right?"

TBContinued: March 4th, 2010

[Edited on 03.03.2010 5:37 PM PST]

  • 02.28.2010 4:27 PM PDT

nice. I like your style. I especially like the way you called the grunts and jackles "midgets" and "the bird ones."

are these guys ODSTs or Spartans? I don't know another kind of soldier that would be that "cool" in a cobat zone. Just a thought, though it doesn't affect my opinion of this story.

  • 03.01.2010 10:05 AM PDT

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

Very good introduction to the characters. Very, very convincing, they feel like real soldiers. Well written too, I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors and your paragraphing is better than most, so overall a very good start.

Well done, looking forward for more :D

  • 03.01.2010 11:48 AM PDT

I created the sounds of madness, wrote the book on pain. Somehow I'm still here to explain...

Chapter One is up! Sorry it's late, I had some trouble getting the MS Word on my labtop to open up yesterday, but it's all good now. Hope you enjoy it!

Roraj, he's a normal marine. Snipers in today's military are trained to keep their cool no matter the situation.

[Edited on 03.02.2010 5:32 PM PST]

  • 03.02.2010 5:27 PM PDT

"Find The Bomb?!
Find The Bomb?!
I'm Looking For The Flag!
What The Heck Is Assualt!?"

The first part was weird to me, I never really like it when they are betting each other to do each other to do things during a high tension thing such as battle.

Other than that there is nothing I can really complain about, so good job.

  • 03.03.2010 5:41 PM PDT

Nice work, your style is refreshing. Try to use more descriptive words, I don't have an image in my head of where you characters are.

  • 03.03.2010 11:32 PM PDT