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This topic has moved here: Subject: (Story) Desperate Times (Chapter 2 up)
  • Subject: (Story) Desperate Times (Chapter 2 up)
Subject: (Story) Desperate Times (Chapter 2 up)

Zombie? What are you!? Racist? Its called "living impaired" you idiot!

Prolouge
Some call me a legend, others call me a myth, but most call me a hero. 'A hero of what?' I ask them. I never get a proper answer. Sure I've done some impressive stuff, but that doesn't make up for my deeds as a soldier. You see, I'm not really all that great. The UNSC just carelessly tosses around their soldiers. I was one of them. Where I ended up and how I got back astounded me. But that doesn't matter now. The UNSC has been sending all their extra spartans on suicide missions. I just haven't recieved my mission yet. When that time comes, I'll just have some cheap spartan-IIIs to babysit. And my name? Some just call me Red.

Chapter one: Introductions, Productions, and Complications.
A Simple set of Mark V armor, painted red. Standard issue assualt rifle and close range tactical 12-gauge shotgun. All stamped with my signature emblem, a white viper with a gray diamond backround with a silver lining. Total amount of years in the UNSC: 23. Preferred amount: 0. Cheif Warrant Officer. Mainly addressed by the CWO. I call myself Red.

"Alright sleeping beuaty, we've entered Earth's orbit."
"How long was I out?" The medical marine looks at the holo pad next to my cryo tube.
"You've been sleeping for three months." He stepped back as I turned my head to and fro.
"Alright, you seem to be able to see. How many fingers?" He held up two.
"Two." He held up four.
"Four." He held up three.
"Three." He nodded.
"Alright, climb out of that tube and walk around." These marines always do this. Every time I climb out of one of these cryo tubes, it takes an hour to check my vitals. Then I get briefed on what I already know. 'Standard procceedure.'

I was led to the hangar of the frigate we were aboard. I already knew about John blowing up those sacred rings. Now, according to the intel marines, the Elites have sided with us, Halo is no longer a problem, and some parts of the Covenant are still resisting. I'm just unsure of which forces had sided with the remains, and which forces are with the Elites.
"CWO, you're ordered to regroup at the main hub on Earth. The ONI building has been destroyed." I was led over to the nearest Pelican. The back hissed open as I climbed inside.
"Wait, if the base was dest-"
"The remaining Spartan-IIs are being sent to a new location, a training facility a little south of the Austrailian capital. You'll be briefed there." I nodded, sitting down in the left side of the cabin. I leaned back, looking around the cabin.

I could tell we were inside of Earth's Orbit. Gravity kicked in. One of the marines from the cockpit yelled back at me.
"We're landing now. From the landing area you will be led to the base. Any questions?" I shook my head.
"No."
"Alright! We're descending now!"

Apparently, I was the first one there. I was standing in the briefing room of the training base. I was standing there for ten minutes before someone showed up. The first spartan was broad. He wore standard Mark V armor, like I did, except his was a standard blue. He had a sky blue hawk on his shoulder. He saw me then turned, holding out his hand. I shook my head. No. He just walked to the other end of the room, standing right across from my position. He stared me down, as did I to him. We were locked on eachother, without even saying a word. Spartan-IIs were built like that. They take orders, issue orders, nothing more. I didn't even realize the room filled. Before long, there were ten of us standing in that room. I didn't even notice.

I turned and scanned over each of the SPARTAN-IIs standing in the room with me. A majority of them were painted with the normal emrald green color. Some wore EVA helmets instead of Mark V. Some even wore Mark VI helmets. Must have been prototypes. The obvious thing, all were silent. I couldn't even hear any of them breathe. I heard footsteps that turned my focus. Turning towards the entrance, as did the others, two people entered the cramped room. An old man entered the room. His hair was white, with a general's cap. He wore officer clothing with five gold stars across his chest, along with a variety of other medals. At his side, stood a Spartan. He wore an EOD class set of armor, built for protectors and gaurds. This general must be here for something serious if he had to bring a hulking bodygaurd. The EOD's armor was painted gray with green shoulders and mouth covering. The General finally spoke after examining each of us.
"Ten hut!" Each of us scrambled to form a line, then saluted him. He smiled. "At ease soldiers." We relaxed as he began pacing up and down the line. I didn't even realize Blue (The name I gave him.) was standing right next to me. Dam. "So, only ten of you are left?"
"No sir!" I jerked my head to Blue, as did The General.
"What did you say Gunny?" Ha, I outrank him.
"I said no, Sir!"
"And why is that?"
"Your bodygaurd is a SPARTAN-II, sir!" The General walked over to his bodygaurd. He looked up into the two holes of the EOD helmet.
"How do you know, Gunny?"
"He's taller than normal Spartan-IIIs sir!" The General laughed.
"He's also taller than you son! Tell me! How many spartans do you see out of height compared to the rest of you?" He couldn't be serious. Blue didn't have an answer. I did though.
"None sir." I said aloud. "He's a Spartan-I" The entire line stepped back. Spartan-Is. These behemoths were the first ever Super Soldiers the UNSC made. They were big, they were dangerous, and they could tear an Elite apart without breaking a sweat. Seeing one in armor is something new. The General smiled.
"This, this soldier knows his history. Whats your name?"
"Cheif Warrant Officer Red."
"Promotion. Master Cheif Red." I held my head high as the General started to explaining our reason for coming here.
"I'm General Dendren. We have called you here for a variety of things. First off, a rescue mission. One of our finest soldiers has gone missing, and we need a squad to search for him. Second, the covenant is still a problem. The remaining forces have retreated to their home planets. Theres no telling how many Brutes we will have against us. Third, we need time to rebuild enough Spartn-IIIs to give us a slight advantage over any alien dumb enough to attack Earth. Each of you has been selected, due to our numbers and your expertise. Since theres three missions and ten of you, we will have a team of two for a rescue." He pulled Blue and I to the side. Crap. "We're going to have to upgrade your armor perms. It seems like you've had these ever since you started. Come, we'll get your new armor ordered, then you shall be briefed on the recue mission." He led Blue and I out of the room. This team up had to be worse than that with a sqaud of SPARTAN-IIIs.

[Edited on 03.04.2010 4:53 PM PST]

  • 03.01.2010 2:26 PM PDT
Subject: (Story) Desperate Times

Zombie? What are you!? Racist? Its called "living impaired" you idiot!

Um, does anyone have an critizism?

  • 03.01.2010 6:08 PM PDT

The formatting needs some work, but else you've done well. Keep it up.

  • 03.01.2010 7:38 PM PDT

"Find The Bomb?!
Find The Bomb?!
I'm Looking For The Flag!
What The Heck Is Assualt!?"

I thought it was kind of corny, and obviously fanfare to yourself.

Not to mention it seemed like it had a few canonical problems and the reactions of the spartan IIs were quite umm... "unspartan II."

  • 03.02.2010 5:28 PM PDT
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No matter how many seals are killed by sharks a year, it never seems to be enough :D

Personally I liked it. I see what buggy is saying, but I also think you should keep red's personality to spice it up. The emblems on the armor bothered me because all I could think of was Xbox live. Other than that, I liked it.

  • 03.02.2010 6:37 PM PDT

"Find The Bomb?!
Find The Bomb?!
I'm Looking For The Flag!
What The Heck Is Assualt!?"

Eh, I personally thought the personality of this knowledgeable, not easily surprised grizzled veteran was a bit...

Cliche?

  • 03.03.2010 5:40 PM PDT

I'm just going to let you know that the "Post-Halo 3, we're wiping out the rest of the Covenant" thing has been done in dozens of fan fictions to the point where it's just not very enjoyable to read any more. I've not got anything against you, I just think your choice of plot isn't very good.

If you're going to do a Post-Halo 3 story, put a unique twist on it. For example, Maxrealflugek's Halo 3 Epilogue has humanity and the Elites fighting an ancient enemy of the Forerunners. My own Halo 3: Insurrection sees humanity, the Elites and the Covenant joining forces to wipe out the returning Flood.

Just don't follow a cliche story. I can tell your Spartan will be cliche, and that your story will be too.

I'm sorry if I come across as harsh; I think your actual writing is okay, and with some honing it could be really good. Just try to use a better plot.

Edit: Also, no one outside the program knows about Spartan IIIs. And surely with time and resources not being wasted on an incredibly expensive war, the UNSC would instead commission Spartan IIs?

[Edited on 03.03.2010 11:39 PM PST]

  • 03.03.2010 11:36 PM PDT

Posted by: Dropship dude
No, acnboy. Spartain Ken 15 is a lesser being. Much like the bacteria that lives in your shi­t.
Posted by: mike120593
My shi­t bacteria takes offense to that comparison.

Don't make me lel. You won't like me when I lel.

Posted by: Bruzzrad
an critizism?
Lol'd. New meme kgo.

Yeah, I just don't really feel the connection, and I'm struggling to remember what time period it's actually in. And yes, try to refrain from cliches, like your Spartan.

  • 03.04.2010 2:12 AM PDT
Subject: (Story) Desperate Times (Chapter 2 up)

Zombie? What are you!? Racist? Its called "living impaired" you idiot!

Chapter Two: Out of mind, and out of date.
General Dendren led Blue and I down the to another part of the base. His Spartan-I gaurd never spoke a word. It was kind of freaking me out. I knew what to expect when I found out what he is, but this isn't what I expected. I could tell Blue was feeling the same thing. While we were walking, Blue started a conversation.
"So, what post did you have before being dragged here?" Dear God.
"I was stationed on a cruiser. I was a last resort if anything happened on the Ark. Apparently, John was able to do everything himself."
"He had an Elite help him you know." He was tipping his glass.
"Elites? I could care less, if the entire Elite race came down to Earth and offered everyone free rides into space! They're still god dam aliens!" Blue kept himself shut. I did have to work with some Elites on a few cruisers. I was genrally used for heavy lifting. However, everytime I heard 'May I offer my asistance?' I was tempted to drop what I was doing and break the Alien's neck.
General Dendren stopped. He turned to me and approached. I felt a little uneasy, beacuse I felt him stare straight through my Mark V faceplate.
"Tell me son, do you have a problem with Earth's allies?"
"I do, sir."
"Well, thats exaclty why I'm not sending your ass to help the Elites! You would blow our operations for peace or, at least a solid agreement with the other races! For god's sake! Even our best soldier was able to work with them! I read your service record. Seven friendly fire incidents within the last year. All were Elite casualties!"
"I'm sorry sir."
"Sorry? I don't hink you'll realize how sorry you'll be." He turned and continued walking in front of us. I felt the Spartan-I approach me. I quickly shifted gears and started towards the General.

"Gentelmen, your new armor permutations are here in the facility. These marines will help you fit into them. After you're all suited up, I'll brief you on your assignment." General Dendren walked away from the elevator's entrance, as did the Spartan-I. The elevator activated and we began going down. Blue never said a word until about halfway down.
"Why do you hate Elites so much?" I turned and sighed. I pulled off my left arm and leg armor. I tossed them to the ground and started rolling up my pants and shirt sleeves. Blue fell silent as he stared at my prosthetics.
"Dam plasma grenade went off next to my left foot. Hated them ever since." I started reassembling my armor as the elevator dinged. We reached our destination.

"Alright, now that you've got a feel for the new armor, we'll bring your helmet out in a sec. Tell me if you find anything loose, tight, or uncomfortable." The marine disappeared from the pure white changing room. My old armor was piled up in the righthand corner of the room. My new armor was different, obviously. I felt more like I cold actually move my arms in a complete circle without locking up. My armor had a built in ammunition holder around my waist. I could store Assault rifle clips, shells, anything, except rockets. The armor was still painted red, except with a solid gray color on my shoulders. My armor was also outfitted with a combat knife on my chest. My shoulder armor didn't change much, just a sleeker and more finished version of the original Mark V shoulders. The marine returned with my helmet after I finished adjusting to my new armor.
"'ere you go. One top-o-the-line Mark VI helmet. Painted red, as you requested. This should at least allow you to move your head around a bit more. Try it on." I took my new helmet and slid iit on. Fits like a glove.
"Now, as you'll notice, your shields are now displayed at the top of your HUD. Once that bar is gone, get down. Second, you'll notice the bar to your lower right. This will monitor the shields of your teammates that your are grouped with. Other than that, you should feel right at home. Any questions?" He handed me an assualt rifle. I clipped it to my back as he tossed me a shotgun.

I stepped out of the elevator and already found Blue standing a few feet in front. He wore similar armor, except his shoulder armor was massive. General Dendren was standing next to him.
"Ah, Red, I see you're outfitted properly. Before we send you off, I want to see a demonstration of your hand to hand techniques. Gunny, step forward."

[Edited on 03.05.2010 4:56 AM PST]

  • 03.04.2010 4:52 PM PDT
Subject: (Story) Desperate Times

"Find The Bomb?!
Find The Bomb?!
I'm Looking For The Flag!
What The Heck Is Assualt!?"

your character still seems a cliche, and one thing is almost unforgivable:

"No, just tell me what I have to kill."

The red armor thing is corny and stinks of personal fanfare, and the conversation about the chief on the ark seemed odd to me, I really don't think it would all be common knowledge.

  • 03.04.2010 7:58 PM PDT

"We Fall To Shadows To Help Others Out..."

"A Hero Is Not Defined By His Armor, But By His Soul..."

Posted by: Buggy Virus
your character still seems a cliche, and one thing is almost unforgivable:

"No, just tell me what I have to kill."

The red armor thing is corny and stinks of personal fanfare, and the conversation about the chief on the ark seemed odd to me, I really don't think it would all be common knowledge.


I personally like the story a little more than most of his work. And about the cliche thing...what isn't cliche anymore? I'm pretty sure every possible character personality has been exploited to the max by now that it would be hard to have a real original character. And the red armor thing is just standard SPARTAN II stuff, you know.

  • 03.05.2010 6:31 AM PDT