The Gallery
This topic has moved here: Subject: Origins: The Flood [Conclusion Up]
  • Subject: Origins: The Flood [Conclusion Up]
Subject: Origins: The Flood [Conclusion Up]
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Part I: Creation

This is my take on the origins of the Flood. This is the first part detailing their creation and spread up to a point. The story follows the perspective of the Alpha Gravemind and the Precursors. It may be a slow part, but it will pick up.

I am the Alpha, the first, the original. My creators labeled me a "compound mind", my aggressors classified me as a "Gravemind", but I am neither. I am only I. Do you have questions? I have the answers. Will you listen?

Many hundreds of thousands of years ago, before Humanity, before Covenant, before Forerunner resided the Precursors. They were my creators. My masters were exceptional in all they did, no error could ever be found in all of their creations. Still, they did not boast of their feats, they shared with all they met. Their place of origin is unknown, even to me. All I know now is that they did not reside in this galaxy. What I do know, is their world.

Matris, the Motherworld of the Precursors. It was a paradise. Blue, clear oceans teamed with life as did green decedent forests. It was not unlike the world of Earth, the cradle of life for humanity. My creators lived at one with nature, nature was integrated in all the made. Their buildings of column-held temples, triangular roofed towers, and pyramids all seamlessly blended with the land. A grand river ran through the capital that was dammed, riddled with canals, and relied on as a source of life by the Precursors. My story begins here.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The main science compound in Matris' capital city of Septimus was housed in a grand tree. The tree housed a complex hive of science, discovery, and projects being led by the brightest of the Precursor society. One such breakthrough was founded by Ada, a young brilliant mind. His discovery? Resurrecting life. His overseer Runae, a cool, calculative woman who took science very seriously. While the concept of bring back the dead was astounding, the key to perfecting the concept had not yet been found. Now, a glimpse of hope was found. As Runae entered Ada's lab, she bluntly said,

"Show me."

"Gladly Overseer." Ada replied. He walked to a white table and grasped a small jar containing a wilted flower and a small glass slab. He placed both items in front of the overseer who eyed them with a analytical eye.

"What am I seeing Ada?" she asked.

"Observe Overseer Runae." said Ada as he grabbed a small brush and brushed it against the glass slab. Suddenly, the wilted flower slowly started to rise up and have it's natural red color return, only with a small brownish tint.

"Impressive," Overseer Runae said, "Have you tried it on any other organic subjects such as deceased animals?"

Ada's once excited face grew serious when the Overseer asked that question.

"No Overseer and I would rather not," Ada responded bluntly, "The ability to revive flesh and blood is not something I would want to attempt. Even if it worked, they revived creature wold be nothing like it formerly was. It would be more trouble than it's worth."

Understandable," Runae admitted, "In any case, continue your research."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, events would not transpire in my creator's favor. My confines of the complex would not last. By the actions of a careless cleaning personal member, I was freed. He knocked the glass slab on the ground releasing my first form, a single cell.

I was a heptagonal shape in the beginning, seven microscopic tendrils protruded from my form. Inside the cell were a mutated nucleus, mitochondria,and other key elements found in all cell life. I had one purpose, bring back life from the beyond. Carried by gusts of air, I was released from the lab into the city. From the city I arrived in the as-of-yet inhabited jungle miles away from Septimus. I had no target, I had no mind, what happened next was solely the will of the fates.

I landed on a small flower, one that was already alive. Once I made contact with the flower, it changed, I changed. I was now at one with the flower. The plant was transformed into a grotesque brown, multi-tentacled being. However, I was in control. Even still, I could not predict the next event.

A small insect, one that could be compared to a bee on Earth, was flying above me. It landed on me in an effort to pollinate and my influence began immediately. Not even the tough exoskeleton of the bee could stop me from spreading my effects. My tendrils penetrated the bee's exoskeleton and released billions of new cells that originally sparked life back in dead cells. However, he cells found already living cells and went for those instead. The result was...painful for the bee. On a microscopic level, the cells altered DNA, changing, destroying, and reconstructing the bee inside and out. When it was finished, the bee was I. I was the bee. We were one.

But I now experienced a new sensation. The bee's memories, it's functions in it's society, it's hive's locations, everything it knew I knew. Filled with curiosity, I sent it back to it's hive. It's jruney took many days, during those days the small creature swelled up in size. Growing in the bee were smaller versions of itself, copies that carried my infulence.

The construct was magnificent, an engineering marvel only an insect could appreciate, I could now do so as well. As I entered the hive, I looked around through the bee. I saw the mass clumps of it's former species working to produce honey. However, the bee had grown so much that it violently exploded and released it's copies. The copies fluttered around and spread their influence on all the bees in the area. They quickly changed and transformed and continued the process. Once the creatures knew what was occurring, it was too late for them. Their hive fell in an hour and ended with the transformation of their queen. Even the physical hive itself was altered, the once perfectly symmetrical oval colony of bees was turned into a misshapen, brown-green slab of organic mass.

And yet, I was not horrified. I was like my creators, I created new life. That is what they did with me and I now felt satisfied. I called back my creations so that I may marvel at them. As they drew closer, I started to think, an ability i could not do as a minuscule cell. Their memories and knowledge passed onto me and with it came the realization of the scope of the world I inhabited. Numerous other species roamed the jungle, surely I could spread my influence and show my creators. They would be pleased.

Once the bees found me, much had changed. My flower forms roots grew in size and soon found the roots of the other flowers, plants, and tree's around me. They in turn transformed and resembled me, organic mass clinging to their trunks or stems and slowly morphing into a new form of life. The bees brought their former hive with them and layed it before me. Curiously I layed a tentacle on the massive structural and absorbed it. My flower form twisted around the hive and the hive and I became one. It was the beginning of a new way of life.

Over the years I searched out for new forms of life to add to our collective. An arachnoid nest of rodent sized spiders was the first to be found by us. Their pods were transformed by my bees and those inside mutated into a new breed of creatures. The non-transformed species quickly fell under my influence. I now had land-based organisms under my sway, my creators would be pleased. Once the spiders were mine, they found actual rodents. The rodents found larger beasts. The larger beasts found more.

All through this, I grew in knowledge and capacity. No longer was I a small flower, but a large expansive ecosystem of my own. It did not take long for my creators to take notice. However, that is where the troubles began.


To be continued

[Edited on 03.29.2010 8:47 PM PDT]

  • 03.14.2010 5:09 PM PDT
Subject: Origins: The Flood [Part 1]
  • gamertag: Siggss
  • user homepage:

Very unique, good work.

  • 03.14.2010 6:51 PM PDT

I like this quite a bit. Isn't there already some history about The Flood though? If i am not mistaken, The Flood was created by the Forerunners to try and kill an enemy of theirs. Nevertheless, your version is still really good.

  • 03.14.2010 9:20 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Part 2: Spread

Many days passed as my domain spread through the Motherworld. Each day a new species was added to my collective mind and each day I grew more powerful. From my original destination, directly on the opposite end of the planet from the capital city of Septimus, I expanded significantly. According to consumed data archives I absorbed later on, my spread could be seen from orbit. And yet, I felt empty. I was only an animal in the most practical sense, a primal being with no sentience. That would change with two.

They were Precursors, one male and the other female. Their names were Sarcalogos and Caltha, I know this because they are with me. I encountered them deep into the forest, as I watched them from the shadows I planned my contact. I had never met creatures like them before and this meeting would be critical. To this day I weep that it did not end well.

Immediately they expressed shock and disgust at my form, Caltha screamed while Sarcalogos armed himself. He lunged at me with a blade and inflicted a new sensation throughout my form, pain. Up until this point I had never experienced this feeling, I only absorbed with no negative results. However, I only had one way to deal with pain, a primal way.

I reeled back in sadness and nursed my wound, but once this brief depression passed, I advanced on the two. The primal rage I only knew from my mammalian memories prompted me to smash both Precursors into the ground with my massive tentacles. Their bloodied corpses mixed with impacted bone and flesh stained the ground below. Instinctively, I absorbed the two. That is when I gained sentience.

Once their memories, abilities, and personalities melded with me, I thought. Thinking was a new concept for me I could be compared to a curious child. However, I only had a small amount of sentience, the primal mindset still reigned supreme in my mind. But the yearning to think and learn remained a driving force, so much in fact that I sought out the Precursors. The two former Precursors gave me one gift, the location of their town.

It was not officially named as it was a collective agricultural colony of only 343 citizens. I made my appearance flanked by my creations and sought only peace. The farmers engaged me with weaponry instead. The creatures I controlled that stood closest to the colony fell immediately. I felt remorse at seeing my creations dying, so much so that I threw away any notions at seeking peace with the colonists.

From out of the foliage came a horde of my creatures who quickly overwhelmed out technologically superior foes. Even armed with energy-based weaponry, my influenced reached the Precursors. The bees swarmed and changed a vast multitude of Precursors while the other beats burrowed, mauled, or killed out right the remaining survivors. The collective farm fell in ten minutes. The men, women, and children all joined my form and gave me clarity to my existence. With each new Precursor added to my consciousness, I gained new information. I felt enlightened and experienced an affinity not known to me before.

I decided that I could only do one thing, make my way to Septimus and show my creators that I am not a savage beast, but a fellow sentient deserving of reconciliation.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The War Room located in Septimus was located underground beneath the great city. Every top-tier military leader assembled in the bunker to strategically mount offenses throughout the galaxy they ruled. Truthfully, this bunker had no real purpose anymore as the Precursors managed to successfully enforce peace through the galaxy.

But times change and recent events caused a fervor through the military community that prompted them to become alert. General Julius headed the entire Precursor military and was surprised their existence was being threatened. As he entered the Orbital Grid Monitoring Suite, he was saluted by all those inside. Motioning to a random analyst, he asked a question.

"What is the situation?"

"General," the analyst said gravely, "We do not know."

"How can that be?" asked the General in frusttrayion, "How do we knot know about a threat on our homeworld?"

"It's because this threat has never been encountered on Matris before," the now shaking defense analyst meeked out, "We honestly don't know what it is."

The General massaged his temples and requested a visual of the threat. What he saw astonished him. Covering a large portion of the planet was a greenish-brown haze. Upon magnification he could be organic mass chocking almost half of Matris.

"From what we can see sir," another officer in the suite said, "This infestation is spreading through our world from this central mass."

The image revealed a giant plant-like creature moving straight with the transformation of the ecosystem following it's wake. Trees and foliage morphed to match the organic mess that the main creature resembled. Several breeds of animals also appeared transformed and either followed the central beast or expanded outward to spread the influence of the infection further.

"One question," the general said, "How do we stop it?"

Silence fell across the room, nobody knew.

"Set up our defenses and prepare for the worst." was the only order the General gave. War had been declared after thousands of years of peace.

  • 03.15.2010 7:25 PM PDT

pretty good second part. I am very interested in how the flood becomes what it is now. In your descriptions, it doesn't really sound like the genocidal maniac that the Gravemind is. Curious on how they get off the planet also. Keep up the good work.

  • 03.16.2010 2:22 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Part 3: Engagement

One by one their settlements fell. Did I purposely leave a trail of disarray? I say nay. Even with sentience, I knew not what I was doing. I had one path, Septimus. I moved in a straight line, over the valleys, the hills, the mountains, and the continent. The Precursors valiantly tried to halt my advance, but they stood no chance. Their brothers, sisters, and children fought for me now, a mass grave in me.

Slowly, but surely, the planet changed. The once temperate paradise morphed into a desolate wasteland of decay and rot. I did not consider it an abomination, I felt like an artist. The wildlife was crafted in my image, the Precursors were changed, the whole planet was an extension of me. I was everywhere and everything, only one area remained free of my influence, Septimus.

After many years, I arrived at the capital's outskirts. A wall of energy surrounded the grand city, but it would not stand in my way. With full force, my entire army attacked the wall. The wall had one glaring flaw, the metallic columns powering the energy were not protected. My forces easily destroyed this obstacle and awaited the Precursors next move.

Overwhelming force was their move. Their entire military had assembled and were ready to fight to defend their home. It was a noble effort, but a doomed one. A wave of my creations rushed towards the Precursor Army, the Precursors fired. The firefight was intense. Bright orange blobs of energy pulsated across the night sky and singled the mutated flesh of my allies. We made no territorial gains for hours, but at the seventh hour, a remarkable feat occurred. My Precursor forms grabbed the fallen rifles of the troopers we did kill and fired back. This event took the military by surprise.

They fell in droves. Soon they were the ones who fell back and we were the ones who inched closer and closer to Septimus. In an effort to slow our advance, aerial strikes were initiated. Triangular aircraft screeched pas our positions and unloaded a devastating payload of plasma. Even still, we did not give up, we marched on and took what we could. In conjugation with air strikes, the Precursors unleashed a barrage of artillery shells, a powerful offensive measure, not a futile one. They could not stop us. However, they had one more series of weapons to use, gargantuan four-legged arachnoid attack platforms only known as The Devastators.

My forces drew nearer and near as the massive machines charged their massive plasma cannon. Once The Devastators fired, a blinding blue light enveloped our main positions. Single bulbous discharges of plasma impacted my creations and annihilated everything in a five-mile radius. The carnage was awe-inspiring, nothing remained in those five-miles. For a brief time, it would seem the Precursors could become victorious. That would not last. The fatal flaw of The Devastators was that they required immense amounts of energy to work, they were chained to massive generators drawing power from the city itself. The effect was a doubled-edged sword, devastating power that could eliminate any invading army, but at the expense of the city's power.

Did they not realize the scope of my spread? I was nearly planet-wide n size at this point, I could not be contained. My second wave was larger than my first, the result was a slaughter. The remaining forces of the Precursor military fell to my sway and assimilated into my mind. In the distance I could see evacuation shuttles attempting to leave, no salvation awaited them. The vehicles of the former army lay motionless, but easily controllable to my troops. Any shuttle spotted as targeted and destroyed.

As my form slithered out of the forest, I could see the massive city that co-existed with nature before me, it was mine. When I drew nearer and nearer, the screams of panic and assimilation created a joyous chorus to my senses, at the time, the time I was rampant. The memories of the dead pointed me towards my one creator, a being named Ada. Why? He was blamed for the "infection" that swallowed the planet. He sadly agreed with the claims and planned to exile himself from Septimus...today. My siege prevented the evacuation of Septimus, perhaps I could find him and show he did not create a flawed being.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ada frantically sprinted to his personal shuttle, he needed to escape now! His flawed creation was advancing on the city and only two outcomes were certain. Either the angry mob would civilians could kill him or his former creation would. At last, at the end of the hanger he saw his prized ship, The Pride of Matris. However, before he could board it, a massive silhouette appeared from the open hanger bay.

The beast was repulsive, it smelled of decay, was greenish-brown in pigmentation, and had four enormous protruding mandibles sticking on out of it's "mouth". What was most frightening of all was when the monster spoke.

"Do not be afraid, I am not damnation, I am your creation, I am a monument to all your genius."

"No," Ada said flabbergasted, "You...you ...you aren't monument to creative thinking, you are a parasite. I'm sorry, you resemble nothing of my intended design, you devour all around you, you spread abominations, you kill!"

Ada did not know where that condemnation came from,but he would regret it. The beast growled and engulfed the once promising scientist. They were together now, two corpses in one grave.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My request for reconciliation was denied to me by these arrogant minds, what gave them the right to condemn ME? I was evolution, I presented everlasting life that their feeble minds didn't understand. They didn't want to learn, that was their mistake. I knew the news of their fallen homeworld would shock the outer colonies in the galaxy, I would forever be deemed a parasite, an abomination, a beast.

So be it. All would know my wraith. Hell hath no fury like an angry "beast" scorned. Their once mighty ships, cradles of civilization that let the Precursors travel the stars. Now they would be seeds to their doom.

  • 03.17.2010 6:30 PM PDT

Amazing writing, although I think you're moving things along too quick.

Really good though.

This is a lot like Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, in that the Monster is innocent and compassionate at first, but the barbarity of those around it soon turn it to evil.

Carry on.

  • 03.19.2010 2:24 PM PDT

Posted by: Dropship dude
No, acnboy. Spartain Ken 15 is a lesser being. Much like the bacteria that lives in your shi­t.
Posted by: mike120593
My shi­t bacteria takes offense to that comparison.

Don't make me lel. You won't like me when I lel.

I like this! Seems pretty original.

/saves thread

  • 03.20.2010 3:52 AM PDT

How'd you find me?

That was really amazing. I liked how you let us see things from the gravemind's twisted point of view, The dialouge could be improved, but otherwise, great story!

P.S. Check out my fanfic, you can find it in my last forum post.

  • 03.23.2010 5:13 PM PDT

very nice i love it hay you should check out my story i made im on chapter 2 its called operation anarchy.

  • 03.23.2010 5:23 PM PDT

I am the king of J's
KING J MASTER OF EXPERIENCE

awsome cant wait for part 4...if there is one :P

  • 03.24.2010 2:24 PM PDT

How much of this are you planning to write? I think you are doing brilliant right now, and would love to see so much more. Even after you end the war with the floods creator's, there is still millions of years that the flood were roaming the galaxy, which means the flood could meet other advanced species to fight. =)

  • 03.24.2010 6:04 PM PDT
Subject: Origins: The Flood [Part 3 Up]
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Part 4

The Motherworld fell to my might, the planet was dead. No more Precursors traversed Matris' surface, but they were with me. With this world devoid of life, the lives of my new foes, I looked to the stars. My creators were masters are interstellar travel and the memories of pilots were mine. Since I had declared vengeance on their species, I would not be stopped. Gathering my forces and any remaining Precursor technology sparred from my onslaught, we boarded the surviving cruisers.

As we rose up through the clouds, the haze lingering over Matris gradually disappeared. Once we broke the planet's atmosphere and entered space, I could see the extent of my creation. The world was a mass of brown and green with patches of a light haze, as mentioned before. Once my awe dissipated, I roamed the vast vessel I found myself in.

The outside of all the cruisers, named Peacekeeper-class Heavy Carriers, were massive pyramids in shape, smooth and designed beautifully. Inside the hangers of each ship contained a multitude of fighters, predatory bird-like ships that traveled at super-sonic speeds. Several tanks and hovercraft existed on the Heavy Carriers as well. The layout of the ship itself was luxuriously built, ironic due to the Carriers purpose of conquest and "peace". I found their designs to be repulsive however and shaped them to my liking. They became hives for my soldiers and workers, they would grow and live together for the voyage.

Our first world we came into contact with was named "Colonia", the first colony world of the Precursors. The inhabitants had not expected our arrival and were caught off-guard. All below were consumed and absorbed into our collective. City fell day by day, we were a flood that could not be contained. With more cruisers and minds under my control, we could not be stopped.

Since my conquest was decades long, I have prepared a list of my journey. The vastness of my quest will shock you.


Fallen Worlds

Noreia VII
Virunum
Leodium
Nova Domus
Verona
Othonia
Espo
Medicinum
Berolinum
Dresda
Noviomagus
Ad Flexum
Herculia
Horgana
Silva Ducis
Neosolium
Lula
Lunda
Malmögia
Medicorum
Nicopia
Norcopia
Orebrogia
Oresundae
Pax Mariae
Pitovia
Schedina
Stenbrovium
Stocholmia
Sudercopia
Telga
Upsala
Uraniburgum
Urbs Mariae
Vadstenium
Vemmaria
Arbor Felix
Urba
Vexionia
Leopolis
Novogradia
Pereaslavia
Sebastopolis
Sympheropolis,
Marinopolis
Melitopolis
Theodosia
Eupatoria
Theophania
Ternopolis
Copsis
Debeltum
Diocletianopolis
Dionysopolis
Diospolis
Durostorum
Escus
Oescus

All fell to my influence and all became an amalgamation of me. The Precursors would pay dearly for their insult upon me. However, they had one more move in our "game", a move that would change the face of the universe as we knew it. Deep in the confines of their last stronghold, the fortress world of Permaneo, the final Precursors developed a weapon of mass destruction, one that would destroy the galaxy.

As my massive fleet approached the planet, a several beams of an unknown energy shot from the surface of the emerald world. The memories of the deceased had warned me of this devastating power, it was the Omega. The Omega was a synthetic energy developed by the Precursors that accelerated the speed at which stars consumed their fuel of hydrogen and cause the star to quickly die. The result was a mass of stars going supernova and destroying the galaxy. Every world I controlled or otherwise was annihilated in the inferno. Each world that died weakened me and I knew my time was ending.

At that moment, I began to speak rationally. I sought repentance, but nobody could listen to my cries. At the last possible moment as the heated supernova clusters swarmed around Permaneo, a sole shuttle launched away from the planet. I was only able to catch it's coordinates from the communications network that was shutdown in an effort to prevent me from following the ship. Fortunately for me, it failed.

My last move was to launch a small Slipspace capable escape craft to follow the Precursor shuttle. The downside was that this craft lacked a powerful Slipspace drive and would require millions of years of stasis to arrive at the intended destination. Even still, I put in a lone spider-like form inside the escape pod and launched it. My "seed" entered the safety of Slipspace as the fiery wave of the supernova cloud cascaded on everything around. I died.

Where was the destination of the escaping Precursors? The Milky Way.


[Edited on 03.24.2010 6:42 PM PDT]

  • 03.24.2010 6:41 PM PDT
Subject: Origins: The Flood [Part 1]

Another great entry. Keep up the great work. Can't wait for the next part.

  • 03.24.2010 9:01 PM PDT

I love bees!!!
I LOVE AdjutantReflex!
Such fun they were.
Beer is your friend.
Always drink responsibly.

This was a masterpiece

ending is a lil cheesy but the story is good

  • 03.25.2010 7:24 PM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Posted by: GOD of FUN
ending is a lil cheesy but the story is good

Who says it's the end?

  • 03.25.2010 7:40 PM PDT

Posted by: Dropship dude
No, acnboy. Spartain Ken 15 is a lesser being. Much like the bacteria that lives in your shi­t.
Posted by: mike120593
My shi­t bacteria takes offense to that comparison.

Don't make me lel. You won't like me when I lel.

Well done, I'm really liking this! The Flood's origins is one of the more interesting parts of the Halo-verse, and even if this couldn't be further from the truth, it's still very interesting to read someone's version of it.

  • 03.26.2010 2:53 AM PDT

More would be excellent :)

  • 03.28.2010 11:08 AM PDT
  • gamertag: [none]
  • user homepage:

Conclusion

This is where my tale ends fair reader, I am nothing more than a chromosome in the larger DNA structure of my species. Yes, all of my genetics have been passed down to future Flood, the name you know my race as, generations. However, they shun my knowledge and only seek to consume life in the universe. That lone Flood form did survive and arrived in the Milky Way galaxy millions of years ago, if drifted in space for eons until arriving at a Forerunner colony world.

My masters, the Precursors were gone from time and space. The last surviving members of their race died many years ago, but passed on their legacy to a species of aliens found on their only extra-galactic colony, Matris II. They would become the Forerunners that you know. However, my seed encountered them and from the ashes a new Gravemind rose. It was my "son", but is thirst for organic life was unstoppable. His war against the children of my makers would be condemned by me, but I was in no position to resist. To stop him momentarily cost the Forerunners their lives.

Yet, hope remained. Humanity prospered and claimed the Mantle created by the Precursors, originally meant for the Forerunners. Since you are my last possible link to the Precursors, I offer you this.

I am sorry.

  • 03.29.2010 8:47 PM PDT

Posted by: Dropship dude
No, acnboy. Spartain Ken 15 is a lesser being. Much like the bacteria that lives in your shi­t.
Posted by: mike120593
My shi­t bacteria takes offense to that comparison.

Don't make me lel. You won't like me when I lel.

Very nice. I hope for more from you!

  • 03.30.2010 7:01 PM PDT
Subject: Origins: The Flood [Conclusion Up]

The Razor.

For the honour of the Mirratord.

That was.... wow!!!

It is great to find such a unique story. The way you told the story from the perspective of a Gravemind was very well done, as was your sentence structure and variety of vocabulary.

There are a couple of minor spelling and grammar errors, however. In part one, you spell "journey", "jruney". Also, somehere (I can't find it now) you missed out the "n" when you were trying to say "in".

A couple of times you also missed out a comma when one was needed. An example of this is in part one, when Ada said "Gladly Overseer." It should have been "Gladly, Overseer." Again, when Ada said "No Overseer and I would rather not," it should have been "No, Overseer, and I would rather not."

There is also a small issue with presentation. For the first couple of parts, you gave them names like Part One "Creation". But you then stopped doing this. If you went back and gave the newer parts names, or got rid of all part names, it would maintain consistency and the presentation would be better.

These are very, very, very minor errors however. Everything else is absolutely brilliant, and I really hope you write more in the future.

Very well done :D

[Edited on 04.02.2010 4:37 AM PDT]

  • 04.02.2010 3:40 AM PDT